Entries from November 2007 ↓

 
Stay curious and open to life. No matter what happens keep learning and growing. Find what you love to do and find a way to share it with others.

That’s my basic philosophy of life. It has the advantage of giving me plenty of room to learn and grow, and it includes connection with others as well as to the deepest parts of myself. But it needs to be supplemented by some structure. So my question today is “What did you use as a guide when it was time to psychologically leave home and create your own life?”

“Goal-setting,” most people in the self-development field would say. “You have to have goals to have a sense of direction and to focus your energy and attention. Otherwise you’ll just be squandering your life.” I agree goals are great tools, but for me they aren’t enough. Goals have to be measurable, and how do you measure progress in becoming more loving and compassionate? How do you measure your generosity of spirit? Those are some of my highest values, and goal setting isn’t the best way to develop them.

So I had to figure out some strategy for working on those qualities. I needed a loving guide, someone who believed in me and wanted to bring out the best in me. Since no one around fit that description, I created one. I read a number of books about child development and started to re-parent myself. That meant promising myself unconditional love and support, no matter what happened. It also meant trusting that I was doing the best I could, noticing when I was behaving in a way I didn’t like, and suggesting what might have worked better. It meant understanding what my deepest needs were and helping me find a way to meet them.

It was a simple but powerful approach. Most of us can see how other people are messing up their lives because we can see their situations from the outside, without the emotional turmoil. So I was simply having a part of me be a loving observer, always on my side. The net effect was I always had a friend to turn to, so I was never alone. I cheerfully admit it’s an unorthodox approach. But our imaginations are powerful, so why not use them for a good cause?

Anyway, that was my approach. What about you? What approach did you use/are you using? Please share your experience in the comment section.

Picture by Elfike via Flickr. Creative Commons license.

Thanks to everyone who commented this past week: Tracey, Ellen, Al, Deb, Larissa, Adebola, Joanna, bikhikebabe, Albert, Truthteller and ric.

Every clod feels a stir of might,
And instinct within it that reaches and towers,
And, groping blindly above it for light,
Climbs to a soul in grass and flowers.
—James Russell Lowell

Sometimes you need to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.
—Anonymous

When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside as fate.
—Carl Jung

I’ve been invited by Danny to join in a conversation about how we find “God’s voice” in our experiences. As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t think in terms of a theist god or a universe that intervenes in human affairs. But that doesn’t matter. The question is still the same: how do we know when we’re on the right path? During my adult life I’ve been mostly able to tell. When I’m on the right track something resonates deep in my being. It feels right. When I’m on the wrong track it doesn’t feel right and I have to try something different. And even when I’m out of tune, on some deep level it’s still all right. By now I have the tools I need and with patience I’ll see what I need to do, do it, and learn something in the process.

It all started when I was young, with a traumatic experience I had with a dentist when I was 8 years old. He didn’t believe in Novocain and a cavity was deeper than he thought. He didn’t know what to do so he continued drilling…right down to the nerve. And I developed an instant terror of dentists. Eight years later the tooth abscessed, I faced a root canal, and the terror kicked in at the thought of it. But I came across a book on self-hypnosis and taught myself to relax in the dental chair. It worked so well that later dentists were annoyed when I would start to fall asleep while they were trying to work. That was, without a doubt, one of the most empowering experiences of my life.

From then on I was never stuck. I was like Daniel Boone when he said, “I’ve never been lost, but I was mighty turned around for three days once.” I’ve sometimes been in situations where I didn’t know quite what to do, but I knew sooner or later the answer would come. It was just a matter of patience and persistence. That certainty started my lifelong fascination with behavior modification and personal growth, which in turn has made my life an adventure.

I realize this story can just as easily be interpreted as the work of some Divine force. It doesn’t matter. The process works either way. And for me it’s the process that counts.

What about you? How do you know when you’re on the right path? Do you believe there are signs from God showing you the way? This site is about sharing, so please tell us your thoughts in the comments section.

Photo by BURNBLUE via Flickr. Creative Commons license.

Thanks to everyone who commented last week: Adebola, Danny, Bob, Stephen, and Tejvan.

And thanks, Danny, for the topic. I had to think a long time about this one, and it no doubt has generated future posts.

To think is to be undermined.
—Albert Camus

I’ve been tagged by Adebola to write about how my dreams have moved my life forward and enriched my life. I’m not sure how useful this post will be to others, because my goals have always been long range. I mean ridiculously so.

I mentioned in At Home In the Universe that I had a shift of consciousness in the fifth grade that blew my little world apart and replaced it with a world/universe view that was infinitely larger. It was scary but exhilarating, and I never wanted to go back. The only way I could explore this new world was through books, so I read a lot. By the time I got to high school one of my main goals was to develop a philosophy of life that would give me a strong foundation. So I read Western and Eastern philosophy, some of the Great Books of the Western World and the Harvard Classics, and books on science. I had friends my own age, too, but I did hang out a lot with my role models…wise old men.

I had also decided when I was in grammar school that I wanted to go to college. I was the first person in my family to do that, and I wasn’t sure my folks would support the idea, so I saved all the money I could. That wasn’t a dream, it was a non-negotiable decision. I didn’t know how it would happen, but somehow I would go. I wanted a good, solid education.

As you might guess, I was a serious kid for a while. But as time went on I lightened up a lot. I was developing a better foundation for myself, and I had friends and teachers who loved learning, too. One of the teachers was Miss Myers, a young, vivacious woman who taught sophomore English. She was a new role model. She loved ideas, but she was also fun. She had even traveled around Europe with a friend one summer, including hitch hiking for a while. I never expected to do anything that adventuresome, but I decided I wanted to be more like her…the inner her..the confident, intelligent, fun-loving her. I knew it would be a long project, so I gave myself 20 years. Yep, that’s what I wanted to be like when I was 35.

As it turned out, I got a scholarship to Stanford and majored in physics, and I spent two quarters my junior year at Stanford in Germany. I also spent another month or so traveling around Europe that summer…including hitch hiking with a friend. After graduation I decided not to get my Ph. D. but to work and save money for more traveling. My husband and I married right after he got his Ph. D., and we spent 13 months in France and traveled around Europe during holidays and weekends. Then we came back the long way…including the Middle East, East Africa, India, Thailand, Australia and New Zealand. We got back to the states just before my 26th birthday, which we celebrated with my folks.

Nine years later, when I was 35, I thought about my high school dream. On the whole I had achieved it by then. My main feeling then was gratitude, for my folks, especially my mom, my biggest supporter… for Miss Myers and the other great teachers I had in high school, both in real life and from the printed page…and for Stanford, for giving me a chance to go to Europe for the first time, a chance to explore the world outside of books.

So, some of my dreams and supporters have made a big difference in my life. What about you? Have you had dreams that moved you forward and changed your life? Who has helped you achieve them? Who are you grateful to? This site is about sharing, so please tell us your thoughts in the comments section. .

Photo by PhilP_England via Flickr. Used with permission by owner, who reserves all rights.

 
Thanks to everyone who commented on the last post: Adebola, Bob, Dean, Ellen, Carol, Tracey, Abu, Secret Simon, Armannd, and Shirley.

This picture of Dr. Randy Pausch was taken last September on a special vacation with his 5-year-old son Dylan. They visited the Magic Kingdom and swam with the dolphins down in Orlando. The trip was part of a new life purpose… to build some lasting memories for his children before he dies. He hasn’t given up hope for a miracle cure and is doing everything he can to prolong his life, but he also knows the odds are against him.

Whenever I read a reference to the law of attraction, I think of Dr. Pausch. As I understand it, the law says Dr. Pausch’s negative attitude… hoping rather than believing…will manifest the very thing he doesn’t want….his death. I’m afraid I can’t buy that idea. It reminds me of the cargo cults of Melanesia, which sprung up in reaction to colonization by the Europeans. The cultists believe if they only have faith, and worship correctly, a new age will come…an age where the dignity and honor of the natives will be restored and they will be showered with abundant riches. So far it hasn’t happened.

No, I’m afraid I side with Dr. Pausch and Steve Jobs…life is short, and it doesn’t always go the way we want it to. Steve Jobs says sometimes life hits us in the head with a brick. Dr. Pausch says the brick walls aren’t there to keep us out. They’re there to give us a chance to show how much we want things. In other words, be prepared for challenges…don’t expect things to be handed to us. Our best bet is to invest our energy in things we care about, open our hearts to love, make a difference in other people’s lives, and enjoy the process. Let’s make the most of the precious time we have.

What do you think? Do you believe in the law of attraction? How are you living your life? This site is about sharing. Please tell us your thoughts in the comments section.