Knowing What We Prefer

Kaitlin, Torben and Andy working on computers

To know what you prefer, instead of humbly saying “Amen” to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to keep your soul alive.
—Robert Louis Stevenson

The above snapshot showing my loved ones “partying” tickles my funny bone. It reminds me of an Enneagram cartoon I once saw. It was illustrating Fives, the self-sufficient type that likes to know and understand things. It showed a young couple sitting back to back, leaning against one another, while they each read a book. The heart above them showed that they were in love, and the caption read “This is the best first date I’ve ever been on.”

It also reminds me of an anecdote I read. The woman was frustrated because her husband spent so much time on the computer. She knew he loved her, but she was lonely. It was clear he wasn’t going to change, so she decided to join him. She bought herself a laptop and started writing stories. They would sit on the couch together, each with their laptops, her foot touching his leg for connection. It solved her problem and enriched her life.

Dancing
The picture also reminds me of when our daughter went off to college. We drove her there, and when we were in the car ready to leave I was feeling sentimental and a bit sad. Then my husband gave me a happy smile and said, “We’re empty nesters now…we no longer have to set a good example for our child. Where shall we go and what shall we do?”

🙂 Talk about a mood changer. I still laugh when I think of it. The family joke is we thought about it for a couple of years and took up square dancing.

Actually, we did go on a couple of trips, but the dancing was more fun. We were lucky enough to have a good caller and club in our little community so we kept taking classes until we reached an advanced level. It was great physical and mental exercise…mental because by the time it ended we knew almost 150 different calls, many of them sounding similar, that we had to respond to instantly. There was no time for conscious thought. It used a different part of the brain than we used in everyday activities, and it was better than a vacation for stepping out of our daily world.

We would have continued further but first there weren’t enough people who wanted to learn even more advanced calls, then the caller moved and the ones who replaced him came couldn’t call advanced. We now take cued round dancing classes, which is choreographed ballroom dancing. We do it regularly, but it can’t replace the intensity and excitement of advanced square dancing.

What About You?
We live in an extroverted culture that looks at introverted activities with suspicion. And I’m guessing square dancing would strike many people as old-fashioned and corny. That’s okay, we love them anyway.

What do you love to do? Are any of your activities different from what the world says you ought to prefer?

Thanks to Maya, Scott, Jody, Evelyn, Diane, Lance, rummuser, Lori and Evan for commenting on last week’s post.

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11 Responses to Knowing What We Prefer

  1. kazari says:

    In my day job I’m a geek, but in my spare time I do belly dancing and rock climbing! I love all three for different reasons, really.
    Last week I nearly quit rock climbing for good. I hadn’t been for a month, and I couldn’t climb anything! It felt like I hadn’t improved at all in 12 months, and my head said ‘In the climbing gym you have no value to give’. I almost burst into tears.
    Then I went to a bellydance event where each student class got up to perform – all different ages and shapes, and all different abilities. It was about having fun, and being passionate and supportive, and making community.
    So now I’m trying to apply that mindset to rock climbing. It isn’t a competition, after all, unless I choose to make it one.

    kazaris last blog post..Family building, one trip at a time

  2. Brad Shorr says:

    Good question! My wife and I enjoy taking driving trips where we spend most our time in the car, just soaking up the scenery. Often we don’t have a particular destination in mind. BTW, I used to square dance a little when we lived in Colorado. It was a hoot.

    Brad Shorrs last blog post..The Chicago Manual of Style – A Must for Writers

  3. Jody says:

    I go contra dancing….I love the way you dance with many people, I love how exhausted and exhilarated I become, and I really love the live fiddle music!~

    Jodys last blog post..Ask and It Shall Be Given

  4. rummuser says:

    Jean, what a lovely post. So topical for what is now being called Silvers in India!

    Our friends continue to be puzzled by our reluctance to join them in many activities. My wife and I are perfectly happy being at home and enjoying each others company. To enable this to happen efficiently, I have set up the computer in one corner of a room where, on the other corner the television set is located. When I am at the computer, which is for about four hours a day, my wife is either watching TV or sitting just outside in our porch watching the birds in the garden.

    Our friends spend a great deal of time shopping, visiting, eating out etc. Somehow, none of these appeals to us.

    rummusers last blog post..Movie Scenes That Have Stayed With Me.

  5. My husband and I love Sci Fi, but not horror, so we end up watching some really goofy stuff like “Space Truckers” and “The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension.”

    SpaceAgeSage – Loris last blog post..National Family Caregivers Month

  6. Diane says:

    I loved belly dancing when I took classes!
    I also love to hike at the beach and do yoga. Some say yoga is weird but most people aren’t like that. I found it to be healing and healthful.

  7. Jean says:

    kazari,
    What neat hobbies. And good for you for realizing rock climbing isn’t a competition. I once checked out a video on belly dancing from the library…it looks like great exercise. It sounds as if the performance was a great exercise in acceptance. It must be fun to take a class like that. 🙂

    Brad,
    I agree, square dancing is a hoot.

    Jody,
    Contra dancing is a lot like square dancing with the advantage you don’t have to divide into units of four couples. My husband and I went to a contra dance a few years ago…I videotaped it, with the emphasis on him, from the balcony during one of the dances. It’s one of my favorite videos.

    rummuser,
    We’re not great ones for shopping and dining out either. We do love our little projects. I do most of our shopping (except for food) using the internet.

    Lori,
    I looked up those two movies at Netflix…I watch their DVDs when I exercise every day. If I feel adventuresome I might order one of your favorites.

    Diane,
    Someday I too might take a belly dancing class. I have taken yoga before and for a while years ago I did it everyday. I loved it. It’s good for the body and a good way to stay centered.

  8. ROFL!
    I can’t even imagine exercising to those flicks! Do this only if you want to enter the goofy sci fi zone.

    SpaceAgeSage – Loris last blog post..National Family Caregivers Month

  9. bikehikebabe says:

    try scottish country dancing. there isn’t a caller. the dance is read & you must remember it all or the dance, which involves 8 people, gets twisted around & stops if you aren’t where you’re suppose to be at any given second. music is mostly fast. (experts push you where you’re suppose to be.) are 100’s of dances. we’ve been doing it for 30 years. international folk dancing too in the past. (have only one arm to use here. had shoulder operation.)

  10. Jean says:

    bikehikebabe,
    Welcome back! Good luck on your recovery.

    Actually I did a lot of folk dancing and some Scottish dancing before I managed to cajole Andy into taking square dancing lessons. He hadn’t been interested in dancing before that, so I had been going by myself. Once he got started in square dancing he loved it. We considered Scottish after we stopped the square dancing, but he wasn’t that interested and I got spoiled having him as a partner. We decided to stick with the round dancing.

  11. Diane says:

    Hi bikehikebabe,

    I was wondering where you were. Hope your recovery is going well. Glad your back online.

    Is Scottish dancing like the world famous River Dance? That is HOT!

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