Comments on: Friendliness http://cheerfulmonk.com/2009/12/28/friendliness/ Happiness As a Spiritual Practice Wed, 01 Feb 2012 03:45:09 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Jean http://cheerfulmonk.com/2009/12/28/friendliness/comment-page-1/#comment-11733 Jean Fri, 15 Jan 2010 03:54:15 +0000 http://cheerfulmonk.com/?p=2368#comment-11733 Andrew, I don't mind rambling. That's sometimes how we figure out what we really think. I'm not sure people are that less self-aware now than in the past, I've known a lot of clueless people over the years. ;) It's completely understandable, our society has always valued action over thinking. Andrew,
I don’t mind rambling. That’s sometimes how we figure out what we really think. I’m not sure people are that less self-aware now than in the past, I’ve known a lot of clueless people over the years. ;) It’s completely understandable, our society has always valued action over thinking.

]]> By: Andrew http://cheerfulmonk.com/2009/12/28/friendliness/comment-page-1/#comment-11731 Andrew Fri, 15 Jan 2010 02:37:59 +0000 http://cheerfulmonk.com/?p=2368#comment-11731 hahah, I was going to correct "think thinks out"... but I think Dr. Suess would be proud! hahah, I was going to correct “think thinks out”… but I think Dr. Suess would be proud!

]]> By: Andrew http://cheerfulmonk.com/2009/12/28/friendliness/comment-page-1/#comment-11730 Andrew Fri, 15 Jan 2010 02:35:12 +0000 http://cheerfulmonk.com/?p=2368#comment-11730 I believe it is indeed based on the fact that everything is becoming faster and faster. We are biologically unable to keep up with it, so our connections with experiences become weaker. Ironically [almost humorous, but not quite], because of this increase in the speed of things we are becoming faster at recognizing problems outside of our own, yet we are increasingly less self-aware and thus not really sure of where what direction we are pointed, much less where to go. At the lowest level, it is the inefficiency of communication due to a lack of true understanding of language. An idea pops into our heads and we want so badly to get our opinion out without thinking about what we are saying that we lose sight of what we are really trying to get across. This causes a breakdown of understanding, further weakening our ability to truly listen and connect with others. When we truly understand our language and think about what it is we are really trying to say, arguments will become logical and on point, allowing all parties involves to gain better insight. Many ‘arguments’ nowadays go about like this: Bob is trying to get Joe to see that apples taste the best. Joe disagrees, citing that oranges look the best. They can’t decide who is right so they asked Bill, who repeatedly states that peaches aren’t the fuzziest. It’s almost madness the way people go about trying to get others to see their side of things, often without understanding their own point. It appears to me that some/many of us in my generation (I'm 20 and haven't met everyone in the world) don’t have the fortitude to think for ourselves and thus have a need to cling to someone else' or to proclaim everyone else wrong. We are desperate to have others think as we do because we no longer have the ability to think for ourselves (or perhaps we were always weak as a whole in this manner and are simply more aware of it). Please do not excuse my ramblings, because I most certainly do not. I will think thinks out more before posting again hahaha. AJT I believe it is indeed based on the fact that everything is becoming faster and faster. We are biologically unable to keep up with it, so our connections with experiences become weaker.
Ironically [almost humorous, but not quite], because of this increase in the speed of things we are becoming faster at recognizing problems outside of our own, yet we are increasingly less self-aware and thus not really sure of where what direction we are pointed, much less where to go.

At the lowest level, it is the inefficiency of communication due to a lack of true understanding of language. An idea pops into our heads and we want so badly to get our opinion out without thinking about what we are saying that we lose sight of what we are really trying to get across. This causes a breakdown of understanding, further weakening our ability to truly listen and connect with others.

When we truly understand our language and think about what it is we are really trying to say, arguments will become logical and on point, allowing all parties involves to gain better insight. Many ‘arguments’ nowadays go about like this:

Bob is trying to get Joe to see that apples taste the best. Joe disagrees, citing that oranges look the best. They can’t decide who is right so they asked Bill, who repeatedly states that peaches aren’t the fuzziest.

It’s almost madness the way people go about trying to get others to see their side of things, often without understanding their own point.
It appears to me that some/many of us in my generation (I’m 20 and haven’t met everyone in the world) don’t have the fortitude to think for ourselves and thus have a need to cling to someone else’ or to proclaim everyone else wrong. We are desperate to have others think as we do because we no longer have the ability to think for ourselves (or perhaps we were always weak as a whole in this manner and are simply more aware of it).
Please do not excuse my ramblings, because I most certainly do not. I will think thinks out more before posting again hahaha.

AJT

]]> By: Jean http://cheerfulmonk.com/2009/12/28/friendliness/comment-page-1/#comment-11426 Jean Sat, 02 Jan 2010 17:28:59 +0000 http://cheerfulmonk.com/?p=2368#comment-11426 tikno, Thank you! I hope you and your family have a wonderful 2010. tikno,
Thank you! I hope you and your family have a wonderful 2010.

]]> By: tikno http://cheerfulmonk.com/2009/12/28/friendliness/comment-page-1/#comment-11421 tikno Sat, 02 Jan 2010 08:57:49 +0000 http://cheerfulmonk.com/?p=2368#comment-11421 Jean, Since I wrote my musing last year about how present people celebrates the genuine spirit of Christmas, until now I still wonder. I might agree with you "... It depends on who you hang out with..." Happy New Year to you and family there, also to all readers. May God bless you with good health and happiness. Tikno & Feli .-= tikno´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/LoveEly/~3/L0eXyQy8GSw/gus-dur-i-love-you.html" rel="nofollow">Gus Dur, I love you</a> =-. Jean,

Since I wrote my musing last year about how present people celebrates the genuine spirit of Christmas, until now I still wonder.
I might agree with you “… It depends on who you hang out with…”

Happy New Year to you and family there, also to all readers. May God bless you with good health and happiness.

Tikno & Feli
.-= tikno´s last blog ..Gus Dur, I love you =-.

]]> By: Jean http://cheerfulmonk.com/2009/12/28/friendliness/comment-page-1/#comment-11416 Jean Sat, 02 Jan 2010 08:05:45 +0000 http://cheerfulmonk.com/?p=2368#comment-11416 Evan, I'm not objecting to other people using the term, I'm just saying that it didn't work for me. One of the defining experiences of my life was when I cured myself of a dental phobia when I was 16. I knew I had to do something and found a book on self-hypnosis and did it. From then on I never felt stuck. If I had a problem I knew I had the power to figure it out. It was all part of growing. I did a lot of inner work when I was in my mid-twenties...I didn't read books on therapy, I read books on child development. I figured instead of blaming my parents/society/whatever for any problems I should decide what I would have been like if my upbringing had been "perfect". So why not take responsibility for finishing my own upbringing? It was time for me to be a loving, guiding parent. That's different from therapy I think. Evan,
I’m not objecting to other people using the term, I’m just saying that it didn’t work for me. One of the defining experiences of my life was when I cured myself of a dental phobia when I was 16. I knew I had to do something and found a book on self-hypnosis and did it. From then on I never felt stuck. If I had a problem I knew I had the power to figure it out. It was all part of growing.

I did a lot of inner work when I was in my mid-twenties…I didn’t read books on therapy, I read books on child development. I figured instead of blaming my parents/society/whatever for any problems I should decide what I would have been like if my upbringing had been “perfect”. So why not take responsibility for finishing my own upbringing? It was time for me to be a loving, guiding parent. That’s different from therapy I think.

]]> By: Evan http://cheerfulmonk.com/2009/12/28/friendliness/comment-page-1/#comment-11415 Evan Sat, 02 Jan 2010 07:36:46 +0000 http://cheerfulmonk.com/?p=2368#comment-11415 Yes, but people usually work in the door because they are discontent. So 'therapy' makes sense to them. .-= Evan´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Wellbeingandhealthnet/~3/FuYR7dUpII4/" rel="nofollow">The Marrow in Me</a> =-. Yes, but people usually work in the door because they are discontent. So ‘therapy’ makes sense to them.
.-= Evan´s last blog ..The Marrow in Me =-.

]]> By: Jean http://cheerfulmonk.com/2009/12/28/friendliness/comment-page-1/#comment-11414 Jean Sat, 02 Jan 2010 06:37:23 +0000 http://cheerfulmonk.com/?p=2368#comment-11414 Evan, I don't like the term therapy because it implies there is something wrong, something that needs to be healed. A rose doesn't need to be healed before it can blossom from a bud. Evan,
I don’t like the term therapy because it implies there is something wrong, something that needs to be healed. A rose doesn’t need to be healed before it can blossom from a bud.

]]> By: Evan http://cheerfulmonk.com/2009/12/28/friendliness/comment-page-1/#comment-11413 Evan Sat, 02 Jan 2010 05:15:37 +0000 http://cheerfulmonk.com/?p=2368#comment-11413 For me therapy and self-development are pretty much the same. The emphasis in therapy is on healing and the emphasis in self-development is learning and expression. But we go back and forth - discovering resources and limits in our past as we learn and grow. For me they are part of the same process of authenticity - agency is central to any therapy or self-development worth the name in my, not so humble, opinion. .-= Evan´s last blog ..<a href="http://wellbeingandhealth.net/personalblog-updates/the-marrow-in-me/" rel="nofollow">The Marrow in Me</a> =-. For me therapy and self-development are pretty much the same. The emphasis in therapy is on healing and the emphasis in self-development is learning and expression. But we go back and forth – discovering resources and limits in our past as we learn and grow.

For me they are part of the same process of authenticity – agency is central to any therapy or self-development worth the name in my, not so humble, opinion.
.-= Evan´s last blog ..The Marrow in Me =-.

]]> By: Jean http://cheerfulmonk.com/2009/12/28/friendliness/comment-page-1/#comment-11412 Jean Sat, 02 Jan 2010 05:01:22 +0000 http://cheerfulmonk.com/?p=2368#comment-11412 Evan, Thanks. My interest has always been personal growth rather than therapy, but the basic principles are the same I think. The big step is for the person to take responsibility for his/her life. For me the second step was to make a commitment to myself that no matter what happened I wouldn't beat myself up. I would be my biggest supporter and would try to bring out the best in myself. That's the equivalent of having a good relationship with a therapist. Evan,
Thanks. My interest has always been personal growth rather than therapy, but the basic principles are the same I think. The big step is for the person to take responsibility for his/her life. For me the second step was to make a commitment to myself that no matter what happened I wouldn’t beat myself up. I would be my biggest supporter and would try to bring out the best in myself. That’s the equivalent of having a good relationship with a therapist.

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