Do you enjoy dispensing your hard-earned wisdom to younger people? Or are you more like Earl in this cartoon?
When my daughter was about to leave home my husband told her, “Free advice is worth what you pay for it.” He explained that we older folks love to give advice, don’t let it bother her. Just humor us by listening, thank us politely, then go off and do whatever she had been planning to do.
That’s one piece of unsolicited advice she took. At a family reunion one summer her aunts were dispensing their wisdom to her, pleased that they could be sharing their worldly experience with the younger generation. My daughter listened politely and let them enjoy their moment of satisfaction. Then she told them what her father had taught her. They had the good grace to burst out laughing and never again gave her unasked-for advice. 🙂
What about you? What’s your opinion about unsolicited advice?
“What’s your opinion about unsolicited advice?”
I love to give it. I used to dole it out a lot to the kids after they left home. My daughter told me she knew ALL of my opinions & I didn’t need to tell her again.
Now we hear constantly in magazines & TV. Eat vegetables, fruits, whole grains & Exercise. Checking out at the grocery store, I saw a magazine that said,”47 ways to lose weight”. We all know there are only two. Diet & Exercise.
I seldom offer advice any more, unless asked. (Of course, if it’s asked for, it’s no longer unsolicited, is it?)
.-= Mike´s last blog ..More interesting videos from the Iceland Volcano =-.
bikehikebabe and Mike,
I’m like Mike, I seldom give advice except when asked…people
are more apt to listen then. And I don’t try to convince the other person, just present my ideas as food for thought.
On the other hand, it can be fun to preach as long as we don’t get upset when the other person tunes us out. 🙂
Of course I don’t give advice outside of the family. Rarely is anyone going to ask. A job in raising children is to teach. It’s hard to stop when they leave home.
You do have to let go gradually. Lydia, the 4th kid, said there were no rules by then, but she loved that I trusted her.
P.S. I had lots of advice but no rules. The kids & their friends ran free. We live on the edge of a canyon. We had a big iron bell on the roof with a cord that came down into the kitchen. When meals were ready I rang the bell.
bikehikebabe,
Your method clearly worked because all four kids turned out great, with their own personalities. 🙂
I did a counselling course before I was married. I remember learning that listening is more important than giving advice. We were actually told ‘advice is cheap’. In India, advice is available everywhere. The elders here love to dispense their wisdom. Much of it is very valuable, but one has to be in the mood for it.
I loved your post Jean. Great stuff as usual.
Don’t give. Don’t take. Unless solicited.
I am very much like Earl in the cartoon. Ranjan has to guide me step by step on many things with this machine! He however waits till I ask him politely.
.-= Rummuser´s last blog ..Art. =-.
I remember some of my Mothers’ advice, one thing in particular, when I was leaving for Britain “you are not to marry another Englishman, my other 2 daughters already did” ….well I didn’t marry one in Britain, I waited until I was nearly home in Australia! She never got to meet him, because she died before we both had come from Australia!
This last week, I have been trying to advise another younger mature student at Uni about certain things but because she is so ‘right’ about it all, I have given up as in the end I was ready to ‘punch her’ – have now decided to get in touch with the coordinator at Disability for him to solve the problems…
I advised my landlord maybe 2yrs ago about how to fix the gap above the garage/basement door – wide enough to let in rodents and cold air. Nothing happened so I found a commercial product that would do a better job! Still no action until ‘yesterday’ when he arrived and proceeded to tell me he had the solution (mine first one!)
Sometimes I win out; sometimes I dont; and sometimes I think it would better to say nothink!
.-= Cathy in NZ´s last blog ..lucky charm saviour =-.
gaelikaa,
I agree. My experience is people are much more receptive to ideas if we’ve already listened to them, and if we present our ideas as food for thought rather than setting ourselves up as the experts. It keeps egos out of the way. Giving advice sets ourselves up as being superior, which can annoy the other person. Why take the risk?
Rummuser,
Yes, there’s a lot of truth in that cartoon. 🙂
Cathy,
Since so many people don’t like advice we might as well lighten up and not expect them to listen, no matter how good our suggestions are. 🙂
the problem with the younger mature student is much more complicated than I posed here…it’s not just one bit advice, although I think this is the 1st time, I have offered some information in greater detail.
she has problems with most people she comes into contact with – authorities, the Unilodge staff, Uni staff AND PEOPLE go out of their way to AVOID her!
apparently I am supposed to bridge some gap…Disability put us in the same study space because they think I can cope (being older!) but my tether is frayed!!1 🙂
.-= Cathy in NZ´s last blog ..lucky charm saviour =-.
Cathy,
It sounds as if she’s a bonafide Difficult Person. I hope you can find a way to not be harrassed by her. Please let us know how it goes.
bikehikebabe,
Yes. Most people don’t like to be told what to do…or have the feeling that the other person acts superior to them.
Jean, you tell a person what you think. So what’s the difference between “food for thought” & advice. I guess it’s how you present it, like-here’s an idea, instead of-here’s what you do.
Jean,
I have had a reply to my email to the co-ordinator. I asked him not to take any drastic action until we had had a face2face. This will take place sometime tomorrow when I’m next in at Uni but in the meantime he has said “he will look at some options and they fully understood”
Be back to you things after that time…
.-= Cathy in NZ´s last blog ..Various, the good, the bad and tiny weeny ugly =-.
both the co-ordinators were fabulous…they haven’t been able to solve it completely but some steps are going to be taken in the interim.
Step one: send out a reminder to ALL disability resource room users on protocol including the need to maintain mostly silence for those wanting to study/concentrate.
Step two: in the reminder, remind people not to leave expensive equipment i.e. laptops, cellphone, digital recorders on desks when they leave for any length of time (take them, or put them in your locker)
Step three: If I need to vent about the situation then I’m able to ‘vent’ to B (the main man) and he will soothe things over 🙂
The solution isn’t going to be easy because if I was to be shifted to another space, she would become Queen of that Space because the only other user is a woman (Masters student) who lives out of town and comes for block lots AND they do not want that too happen
There is another solution but that cannot happen until the staff member who has the most amount of dealings with her returns from leave.
.-= Cathy in NZ´s last blog ..Various, the good, the bad and tiny weeny ugly =-.
Cathy,
It sounds as if that person’s strategy is working for her, if not for the poor people who have to interact with her. Good luck! It sounds as if some progress might be made. Again, please keep us posted.
Step 2 and Step 3 arrived in our inboxes this morning…I was still at home, so I had read and acknowledged it to B & R/disability. There was additional information that if you needed a locker space it could be provided (we have lockers in our space – 4 of them)
though, it was a tad funny at the Space…as the other difficult disabled person THOUGHT SHE WAS THE ONLY PERSON TO GET IT! She was a tad shocked I had got it as well…it wasn’t actually addressed us personally but it was definitely not a cc/type of email.
I am still feeling put-upon but I am feeling better that I finally fronted up to the staff and got it off my chest…because now I don’t feel alone as such 🙂
She spent a couple of minutes deciding whether she should put her books/pencils away and I didn’t take any notice but after she had left to do/lunch I noticed she hadn’t take her bag! So still got a wee ways to go before, she gets the picture that if “someone took her bag” she would lose whatever was in it!
.-= Cathy in NZ´s last blog ..Various, the good, the bad and tiny weeny ugly =-.
Cathy,
One of my husband’s favorite sayings used to be, “His hands are clean who warns another.” If she loses her things because she left them out no one else is responsible. She has been warned. The rest is up to her. Good for you!
very nice saying, thank Jeans’ DH 🙂 At least, I have covered my ‘back’ so to speak with the Disability staff if a thief does drop in and take anything of hers. But to her, I will still be top suspect because of how she is currently thinking…and because I have got all stroppy, strong and serious on certain matters she won’t have any difficulty saying I’m nasty to her now 🙂
.-= Cathy in NZ´s last blog ..Various, the good, the bad and tiny weeny ugly =-.