According to American Parents Going to the Dogs…, a recent Wall Street Journal article, a lot of baby boomer moms are successfully avoiding the “empty-nest” syndrome. Their children may have left home but the mothers are still managing schedules and acting as chauffeurs. Only now they’re not taking their children to various lessons and activities, they’re taking their dogs.
I think it’s a great idea. It makes it easier for the mothers to let go, which gives the young adults more freedom to live their own lives without parental interference. And, of course, the dogs love it. 
What do you think? Have you ever had experience with the empty-nest syndrome, either as the parent or as the young adult?
40 comments ↓
Empty nest is only two months away for us! I have been pretending nothing will actually change, so I won’t need to face it until it is here.
My wife wants to travel some more, and that will be hard to do with a doggie.
.-= Looney´s last blog .. =-.
Yes. When they all left the house was quiet. I like noise & activity. Nobody around. I like people, especially my own.
Opps I forgot. I don’t own them.
Looney,
I get the impression that traveling with a dog is a lot easier now than it used to be. The last two times Kaitlin and Torben came to visit (from the Chicago area to New Mexico) they took Sammy and Banshee with them. They’re (were, Banshee passed away several months ago) not small dogs. K and T didn’t seem to have that much trouble finding motels on the way and they stayed in a motel while they were here.
The funny thing about the article is one couple traveled 150 miles one weekend to take their dog to one of the events. So apparently having a dog can make one travel more rather than less.
How many children do you have?
bikehikebabe,
That must have been quite a change for you. I was lucky that I had found the best job of my life before Kaitlin left for college. It definitely made the transition easier. In your case a houseful of pets might have solved the noise and activity problem.
I got more into biking & hiking.
Jean, I have two of my own and have also been taking care of two nephews. My wife’s relatives live in Taiwan, Singapore and Indonesia. We would also like to see more of Europe. Thus, the complication of foreign travel with dogs.
But maybe I could find a way to settle down in New Mexico after the travel bug dies down and give myself to a dog who would lead me on runs down the various trails …
.-= Looney´s last blog .. =-.
Fishin’ for an invite. You got one. I live in NM. Also I was born in Indonesia.
BHB, I don’t quite need an invite to be attracted to NM!
I am still wondering how it was that you were born on Sumatra. My understanding was that this was the most foreigner unfriendly part.
.-= Looney´s last blog .. =-.
learn something new everyday–I’ve always said IN Sumatra. But after all it’s ON Sumatra, an island.
My father was working for Standard Oil. He invented the filter that makes the oil light instead of dark.
Looney,
I agree, foreign travel is a completely different matter. Around here people usually try to get a dog/house sitter if they’re going to be gone for any length of time. My daughter has also sometimes had her dogs housed in kennels for shorter trips. It’s not as nice for the dogs, but the other day while taking a walk Sammy saw the fellow who used to pick him up to take him to the kennel. Sammy insisted on going up to him and saying hello, so the experience couldn’t have been a bad one.
I agree that NM is a great place to have a dog. They love to go on hikes.
The other day I read an obituary of a local fellow who died of complications from chemotherapy. The obituary mentioned his dog who gave him great pleasure the past two years. The dog was always upbeat and a joy to have around. They enjoyed many walks together. That touched my heart.
Earlier today I learn from my mother (who is the family’s minefield of information) that my youngest sister is already consoling herself that when her husband (he is seventeen years older than her) has bitten the dust and her four children flown the nest her HORSE will be a great source of comfort to her. Luckily I wasn’t sitting down when hearing this otherwise I’d have fallen off my chair.
I never realised people plan that far ahead: I am happy to just wake up tomorrow morning. What is she talking about? Her youngest son has only just started school, secondly her husband might live into his nineties by which time Cornelia herself might be too old for the saddle. Indeed, the horse itself might be on its last hoof by then. Never mind … my original family makes me shake my head at the best of times.
My mother was great when I fell out of the nest (my father wasn’t; he hit the roof). There was not an ounce of guilt inducing sentimentality on her part. Her theory being that the greatest proof of love for your child is by letting him/her go without sniffles. Not that she doesn’t cry on the rare occasions I briefly return to the motherland.
As to cats and dogs, as much as they make me smile, once my son’s second cat has kicked the bucket that’ll be it for me. Not least because I can’t stand the worry what would become of a pet once I am not around any longer. That’s why I never acquired a baby tortoise or an elephant. They can live till 150.
U
Ursula,
I think your sister is a wise woman. She realizes her life will eventually drastically change and she’s mentally preparing for it. That frees her to enjoy the present while it’s still here. Sure she might change her mind. So what? She can just make other plans when the time comes.
Old habits die hard.
My youngest is six, so my empty nest is a long way off. I have loads of interests and don’t really live through my kids, love them though I do. I think I’ll be fine when the situations comes….
.-= gaelikaa´s last blog ..Back In Time… =-.
Jean, in response of yours to my comment. Wise? Maybe. What does it matter how one qualifies things? All in the eye of the beholder. One thing Cornelia most certainly is: Pragmatic with a big P.
May I say one thing, Jean, and I hope this won’t go down the wrong tube: You have a way of giving me feedback (sometimes, not always) I do struggle with. A bucket of cold water thrown at me couldn’t do a better job to deflate me.
U
Ursula, I don’t see a bucket of cold water here. Nothing about you. Just a different view about your sister. I know the feeling though. Tom does this to me all the time. (– Why can’t he agree with me!)
gaelikaa,
Having interests of your own, that’s the key. I have no doubt you will do just fine.
Ursula,
Interesting. My impression was you try to stir up controversy by expressing strong opinions. Yet you don’t like it when other people do the same? I’m clearly misreading you. More information would be greatly appreciated. Curiosity is my middle name.
My first thought was the old phrase, “You can dish it out, but can’t take it.” Of course I wouldn’t say that. I love you, U.
Jean manages to say, nicely & I’m not so crushed. But I sometimes think, why can’t she agree with me? However I dislike the syrupy, gushing ” please like me” responses I see on comments.
bikehikebabe,
Thank you.
I don’t have this experience
I am not sure how my Mother felt when it was decided that I leave home at 18 and go and live with an older sister – 12000mls away in UK! But I wasn’t worried it such an adventure away from severely tied apron strings…
I love living alone 90% of the time – as long as I go out at least 5 days of the week and view the world around me.
.-= Cathy in NZ´s last blog ..surprises! =-.
We had it first when Ranjan went to boarding school for three years. It happened again when he went down to Bangalore after college to work for a year. The two of us got used to it, I more than Urmeela. After he came back to Pune to take on another employment she was extremely happy. Since then he has stayed at home even during his five years of married life. This is quite common in India and since my ex daughter in law’s parents also lived close by, it was quite palatable when she moved out. Now my nest is three generations of men under one roof. A dog? No thank you.
.-= Rummuser´s last blog ..When Will They Ever Learn – II =-.
Cathy,
That must have been hard on your mother but a great adventure for you!
Rummuser,
I think stay-at-home mothers are more apt to feel the house is empty when the children leave. Much more so when the husband and wife don’t live in an extended family.
Yes, your nest is not empty.
Wheee, Fell onto this blog. Haven’t decided where to move on to. Harvard law school or Fix Me Beauty school here *which would be cheeper. decisions decisions
Gail,
Harvard Law School doesn’t sound like much fun to me. The people I’ve met from Harvard tended to be pretty snooty and lawyers aren’t known for their sense of humor.
Gail,
In fairness to Harvard graduates, Robert Sapolsky has a great sense of humor and is the opposite of arrogant. He’s famous for his study of stress in baboons and for his sense of humor. I especially love this picture of him:
Jean, lawyers have a sense of humour so dry that if you so much as sneeze in their vicinity there will be dust particles flying around. Bringing back fond memories of one the greatest guys I have ever had the pleasure to work for – some thirty years ago. He is long retired now.
You know the shit in your life has really hit the fan when your solicitor (no joke) prays for you. It happened to me two or three years ago when, all aquiver, I was sitting there hoping for some loophole in the legal system. He didn’t even charge me for his time – which worried me even more.
U
On my email List I get, but only from 3 lawyers, feedback to put me in my place when they disagree. Actually my friend from back home isn’t a lawyer but her father’s a lawyer, her husband’s a lawyer & her son is a lawyer. (lot of dust particles flying around)
Oh Gail, shut up. Stop trying to act smart.
Maybe y’all can give me some advice: I was taught to despise lawyers growing up, but over the years I have accumulated two dear friends who are lawyers. It is all a bit disconcerting. I cannot let go of the anti-lawyer meta-narrative that I grew up with, yet I would be broken hearted if something I did or said were to upset the relationship with my two lawyer friends. Any suggestions?
.-= Looney´s last blog .. =-.
Say & do anything you want. Be YOU. Lawyer friends will tell you what they think, but they are loyal friends. You can’t get rid of ‘em.
I was glad to leave the nest.
One son gone and the other hanging on because he cannot find affordable accommodation. He is being thoroughly spoiled by Lady Magpie.
Perhaps I should leave and find another nest?
About Baboons and stress: I’d be stressed if I suddenly saw a character like that sitting next to me… for a while at least.
As for Lawyers: There are Lawyers and there are Lawyers. Too many of the latter IMHO.
.-= Magpie 11´s last blog ..Modern Myths =-.
Ursula,
That’s almost as bad as when a doctor asked a fellow I knew, “Tell me, Mr. ____, do you believe in God?” The fellow passed on not too long afterward.
To be fair I’ve had a couple of lawyers with a sense of humor. One used to suggest in talks she gave, “To my loyal lawyer I leave all of my possessions.” It always got a laugh.
Gail,
I wonder how being surrounded by lawyers is different from being surrounded by scientists?
Looney,
If your friends know your background and that you like them personally I wouldn’t worry about it. You might suggest they tell you if you slip into old patterns. Ask for their help in changing a habit.
Magpie 11,
Don’t you just love that picture? I just ordered his book A Primates Memoir because of the picture.
Yes, there are lawyers and lawyers. We’ve had a few and some of them I really liked and appreciated.
You leave the nest? I don’t know about that but it sounds as if your wife isn’t doing your son a favor.
Looney, your narrative illustrates why one should never ask anyone “And what do YOU do?”. Prejudice will be yours.
I usually answer the question with “Nothing” and three months in – once we have established that there is potential for friendship – I drop bombshell that I am a Russian spy by which time it doesn’t matter.
U
Youngest is constantly looking for places to live. Cost these days is so high! He works hard actually. His 8 hour days end up as 12 and no chance of overtime pay…
Ursula…. and I’m Tsar of all the Russias (I pinched that from, IIRC, Dorothy Parker)
.-= Magpie 11´s last blog ..Modern Myths =-.
Ursula, aren’t Russian spies a bit commonplace?
.-= Looney´s last blog .. =-.
Ursula, I should clarify that last comment:
Jean and BHB live near Los Alamos where everyone is a Russian spy, unless they are a French, Israeli or Chinese spy. The only way to make your neighbors raise their eyebrow is to tell them you are a spy for Burkina Faso.
Here in Fremont where I live, everyone has close Asian relatives. It they want a wife, they send an e-mail to Ramana to find out who is available. A novelty is when someone has lived here for three generations and all their relatives are local.
BHB, however, was born as a foreigner in Sumatra, which is truly a novelty!
.-= Looney´s last blog .. =-.
The novelty about Los Alamos is that I hear many different languages. I ask what it is, if I don’t know, so that I can identify spoken languages.
(We live IN Los Alamos.)
Looney,
Russian spies? How outdated. As I recall after the Cold War ended our government actually invited the Russians and Chinese to visit our laboratories. Then there was the Wen Ho Lee fiasco where we thought one scientist passed crucial information to the Chinese. My guess is now we’re more worried about terrorists and hacking, especially by the Chinese. It’s too hard to keep up.
How about a forcible “empty nest”? I have not seen my daughter since December and, before that, September. I did anything I could to keep us together as a family and miss her every day. Dogs could not replace her, and nothing will replace her lost innocence, either. I know it is quite commonplace for families to split, but that doesn’t make it any easier for me; I just hope she is happy without me.
Mark,
My heart goes out to you. How old is she?
Mark, my heart goes out to you too.
Thank you, Jean: she is eleven, going on twelve, and just forced to get used to her 7th school since starting. She has always been good at making friends, but it would be nice for her to be allowed to keep them.
Thank you also for your comment, bhb.
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