Anger may not bring back the baby’s cookie, but it sure is having an effect in the Middle East.
Has anger ever helped you get what you wanted in your life? Occasionally in the past when I wasn’t assertive enough, and people started walking over me, anger helped to get me more respect. Mostly now I try to be “cheerfully firm” before things get out of hand.
That works better for me because I hate the feeling of being angry, it makes me feel weak and out of control. But I also know people who feel more powerful when they’re angry. What about you? What role does anger play in your life? Does it get you closer to what you want?
I hate being angry but I do it anyway–too often. And at home to the one I love the most. I’m a perfect angel to everyone else. And NO it gets the opposite of what I want.
Anger has been incredibly valuable for me. Most especially in getting clear about what I don’t like, what I want, and having the energy to initiate.
bikehikebabe,
Good luck with that. I would hate it. I wonder if somehow there’s a psychological payoff that keeps the pattern going?
Evan,
That’s a great point. I do sometimes feel anger, but it’s usually not directed at other people. As you say, it’s an indication that something isn’t right. When it happens I try to ask myself, “What do you need and how can I get it for you?” That usually helps me focus the emotional energy in a constructive direction.
It’s always the same thing. He answers another question, but not My question. Last night I asked him if I should turn up the TV [using the wand, is understood, by me I guess] or turn up my earphones. He said, ” It’s the same connection,” three times, every time I asked him. Well I should have figured that one out but his answers set me off.
You should hear some of his other answers. He should have married a PhD or Jean.
Anger plays little or no role in my life, though I do get angry now and then. I however check myself soon enough and get back my equilibrium with effort. I have learnt by experience that anger is counter productive.
If my comment wasn’t clear, I was meaning do I turn up the VOLUME by using the wand or the switch on the earphones.
I have a short fuse – but it’s mostly instantly defused once I have made a huge impact on the air around me – blue as blue…
But I noticed lately that I also have another type of anger which is something akin to grumpy mode…usually a change of scenery or some food sorts that out. My travel/holiday partner has some traits I had forgotten about which made me somewhat grumpy – I doubt we will take a trip away again ever again as he is very ‘self-centred’ 🙂
Aren’t we all rather ‘self centered’. Our world revolves around ourselves.
To be ‘centered’ is the best. That means you’re so grounded that you don’t get offended & frustrated. I’m aiming for that.
bikehikebabe,
About the only thing we can do in a case like that is to change ourselves, or not. That’s why years ago I did so much journal writing and behavior modification (my hobby for years). It takes a big commitment of time, and it sounds as if your plate is already full with things you prefer to do. One size doesn’t fit all.
I did understand that you were referring to the volume. Is your system like one of my portable tape players and headphones? I can adjust the volume either on the player or on the cord connecting the player to the ear pieces. In your case I assume you’re not connected by a wire/cable?
rummuser,
It gets easier with practice, doesn’t it? Thank goodness.
Cathy,
I’ve known a lot of people who express the anger with vehemence and let it go. It works for some people, just not for me. That’s too bad about your traveling companion.
I have seen others get what they want through anger, thus, I used to try emulating them to see if I could get a similar effect. The end result was that I got taken out back and beaten up. I am still pondering what the formula is that allows a person to successfully and artistically wield anger.
It’s hard for me to understand. I grew up in a small town like the one where I live now, where nobody gets beat up. It seems that I’d hear about it, being a small town, if it happens.
BHB, I was speaking metaphorically. The only time I was physically beaten up was when I spent a year in a high school in a western Pennsylvania steel mill area. The kids were a bit rough, but it was basically random due to my lack of any support network.
Dear god in heaven, Jean: Behaviour modification? How much control do you need?
I fully agree with Evan. Anger is useful.
I also get angry as BHB does. I diffuse as quickly as does Cathy. Ramana clearly walking a tight rope and admitting to it. I have never been beaten up in a Western Pennsylvania steel mill area as Looney did. Neither do I take out anger on those who can’t help that they work for a crappy company which doesn’t know what they are doing.
I accept anger as an emotion like any other.
U
BHB:
there is self-centred and then self-centred…he didn’t think through alot of his actions which impacted not upon him, but upon others including me!
he had no tolerance for my 12hr tummy bug and some of his actions during that period was ‘beyond the pale’ so to speak…
Looney,
Is it just anger or is the anger part of the old alpha male/female bit? I would never cut it as an alpha person. When I used to interact with the dogs at the shelter I would spend my time with the ones that needed TLC. Some of them would start out needing it, then switch to the alpha game. In that case I figured I had done my part and it was time to move on. I was grateful I had a choice. There were plenty of animals who didn’t play that game and it still warms my heart to think of them.
Ursula,
Is learning to swim or dance or play a musical instrument about control? If so I’m all for it. 🙂
Cathy,
It sounds like good riddance to me. Hope you find some other buddy.
Jean, I certainly think that there is some personality element behind those who seem both to throw their temper whenever they want something and get away with it.