WebMD just posted an article that resonates with me right now: Marriage Advice: New Rules for a Good Marriage. The points I especially agree with are
- Forget the old rule “Never go to bed angry.” Instead calm down, sleep on it and deal with the issue when you’re both well-rested and can put things in perspective. Don’t let things fester but don’t try to resolve problems when you’re both tired and being jerked around by your emotions.
- Don’t feel that just because we each develop different interests over the years that it’s bad for the marriage. If both partners are happy with their different interests and still enjoy the time they spend together, it can invigorate the marriage, and
- Don’t assume good marriages just happen. They require commitment and teamwork. Long-term marriages aren’t trouble-free, they simply require the partners work together to solve the problems. And solving those problems together gives richness and depth to the marriage.
That last one is one of the main reasons I’m so happy right now. If all goes well we’ll see the mess up in the mountains tomorrow.
We’re already making some contingency plans…together.
It’s actually an old article from 2008, according to the last page.
Marriage is like a lot of things in life — if there was a user’s manual, most people wouldn’t read it. 😉
It’s helpful to read directions that come in the package, but I usually wing it.
Mike,
It’s more fun figuring things out for ourselves. 🙂
bikehikebabe,
I only read the manual if nothing else works. Then I figure the human engineering guys fell down on the job.
I think trying to keep the problem something you both work on rather than being one or the other’s ‘fault’ is helpful too.
I’m not married now so the manual doesn’t particularly apply…
Today, I was angry when a letter I received caused me to explode. It’s not serious it was just annoying. I found that the letter had a freephone to call so I did. It goes likes this…
About 3mths ago a shop I regularly visit said I could get a special discount card. I applied on a hard copy format which had these little squares where you put an individual letter etc…and if you wanted a space in your name, address you left one blank.
So when the card came it was wrong – someone obviously thought I did the spaces wrong. My surname is different as such.
So a couple of weeks ago I happened to be in the store, so I got the clerk to organise a replacement. She carefully wrote what was wrong with name on the card…saying that there was a space between things…
Well this morning I received a letter with the “replacement card” in it and what do you know THEY DID THE SAME THING AGAIN. In fact, I now have 2 cards with the exact same problem!
So I called the freephone number when I had slightly calmed down and after quoting my membership number she said “well the computer says you are ********” I explained that I wasn’t, that I had never been and could someone with some sense make another one….
Plus I added if you don’t get it right this time, I will terminate my association with your company full stop!! She has promised to get it right…
Cathy, I too am not now married and so shall use your comments to take off on the same peeve. My name too is spelt in an unusual way thanks to a quirk that a numerologist persuaded my father to include in it. All my life, I have had problems with that and I can relate to your experience rather well.
Yes Cathy, you can’t fight computers & win. I’ve had similar battles with Mr. Computer.
My name is one I created when my marriage broke up and I had not used my maiden name for around 20years. So I love my name, I get lots of comments on my surname…
Hopefully Mr Computer at the chain store will get it right this time around…I was told won’t have replacement until late next week!
How do you pronounce “NZ” Cathy?
LOL…that is short for New Zealand
I don’t much put my whole name up on webpages – because I have a unusual surname – in fact, no other name like that in the Auckland region phone directory…
I live alone, and I have to mind my personal security as such…
Evan,
“I think trying to keep the problem something you both work on rather than being one or the other’s ‘fault’ is helpful too.” I agree. And it’s true for all relationships, not just marriage.
“Don’t try to resolve problems when you’re both tired and being jerked around by your emotions.” How true that is. You just end up squabbling and bickering till about 3 am. Much better to start again in the morning when you’re both refreshed.