What’s your reaction? Do you think the father overdid it? Do you think he could have connected with his son earlier?
March 17, 2014
Singapore Video
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What’s your reaction? Do you think the father overdid it? Do you think he could have connected with his son earlier?
March 17, 2014
In Eastern cultures, quite normal for the parent to be undemonstrative / uncommunicative beyond a point. Men do not show emotions like love to their children.
But he showed it to outsiders.
I sure can tell you what my reaction is. However, I don’t understand your questions number two and three.
I believe father/son relationship to be a difficult one. This only from personal, anecdotal observations.
Watching the video I’d say the son was sullen – by temperament. Sometimes, often late in life, we come to understand a parent. Though my youngest sister is currently doing a fine job to cut my father out of her life, his hurt being evident even if he doesn’t voice it. Why [she cuts him off]? I don’t know, Jean, I really don’t. I have seized contact with her too because there is no reasoning with her, no appealing to her emotions, even if only for our mother’s sake. It’s quite awful. Can’t think about it without tears welling up what has become of that sweet little girl she once was.
So, yes, back to your video, and as you so often say: “Sometimes it’s a bad match.” In this case between father and son. And sometimes it’s too late for regret.
U
Can’t put into words what I feel about your sister, only that it’s her loss when she cut herself off, not yours. It’s hard not to feel hurt, but she’s the one to be pitied.
The problem wasn’t only that the son was sullen, it was that the father didn’t encourage him. When the son saw the encouraging note his face lit up. But the father said it wasn’t for him. How could that not have hurt?
I shared this video on Facebook yesterday. My reaction to it is… complicated.
At least he had his father in his life to have some interaction with. After about age 10 or 11, I didn’t. We reconnected years later, but still are not close.
In the video the son doesn’t feel close to his father until after the father died. And he feels close not because of his interactions with his father but because he understood and adopted his father’s values. I think it’s sad. And I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to be close to your father. My father didn’t want to be close to my sister and me after we stopped being little kids, so I’m glad Kaitlin and Andy have a great relationship.
brought me to tears of course. as all senseless loss does.
and in this case… not necessarily the loss of his father’s life. but the loss of communication they never seemed to have.
his father was a simple man. too bad he didn’t take his son with him to the clinic or whatever it was. to see first hand what he was doing and the difference he made.
though… some kids only see the ‘MONEY AS SUCCESS’ nonsense of western culture.
so he might not have seen what a successful man his father was… even then.
communication is EVERYTHING! and the lack thereof is tragic mostly.
sad.
I agree perfectly.
tammyj, I put a video for you @ Elephant post.
I agree. He could have shared what he was doing with his son. And even encouraged his son to make money so the son would have more to give. The saddest part of the video for me was when the son thought the encouraging note was for him. The father said, “That’s not for you,” and took it back. How hard would it have been to write two notes instead of one?
Yes it’s complicated
But as Jean pointed out – 2 notes would have made so much difference
Saying that the “taxes were to be paid” was not a great way either as we are not sure what the boy thought that meant. If the Father had explained, but then again it might have been something related to pride…
Who knows…it all looks mean spirited until we get to the end…when it’s just plain sad, that the young man didn’t know etc
I would at a guess think that leaving what seems a poor life and making something of your own life, never wanting to return to the home…is still quite current.
I agree, if you’re trying to teach a child the joy of sharing, why take the money from him and call it taxes? I’m assuming that someone wrote and produced the video, that it wasn’t necessarily something that really happened. I would have written it slightly differently.
I remember reading an article once where the author as a boy had been ashamed of his father because they didn’t have much money. The father talked to the son about it — I can’t remember exactly what he said, but basically the father understood how the boy felt but didn’t agree. The boy eventually, years later, was grateful for the father. I liked that story better than this one. The father had talked to the boy rather than playing games about taxes.
bhb…
WOW!
amazingly talented little boys. especially that johnny mizzone! 8 years old and can play like that. good grief.
plus…
i didn’t mean i don’t like blue grass! … though in truth it’s not my favorite.
i meant the music was so loud… too loud… to hear the delightful splashing and little calls the baby elephant was making. i meant i’d rather have heard HER over the music with just the music playing much more lightly in the background!
the music did suit her little running around and playing though! it’s happy music.
thanks for sharing the mizzoni brothers video!
Being rich isn’t about how much you have – if you have enough to cover the basics.
I don’t have much time for the father frankly – living an emotionally impoverished life with your family and ‘making up for it’ by working for others? No thanks.
I find it overly sentimental. The damage likely done to the son isn’t acknowledged – and the likely impoverished emotional life of the father isn’t explored.
All of which critique is from a ‘traditional western conservative’ position – that I judge institutions by their impact on individuals; not individuals by their conformity to social norms.
The video didn’t ring true to me, but I was intrigued by it. Would like to know more about the author.
Thanks for the link.
A musical reflection on the father-son dynamic by Cat Stevens
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OqwKfgLaeA
I’ve always liked that song. 🙂
Me too. I like that it has feeling for both the son and the father.
One of my favorites, but it’s not Cat Stevens.
http://youtu.be/KUwjNBjqR-c
The song is by Harry Chapin and started as a poem written by his wife inspired by the awkward relationship between her first husband, James Cashmore, and his father, a New York City politician. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat%27s_in_the_Cradle
more about the story behind the song: http://www.harrychapin.com/circle/winter04/behind.htm
Thanks for the details, Mike.