If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, “He was ignorant of my other faults, else he would not have mentioned these alone.”
—-Epictetus
I love it! My version is
We’re all a bunch of nuts. Why should I be any different?
That’s one of the great things about getting older, we no longer worry about what other people think of us. Have you noticed that too?
February 19, 2015
Depends what you mean by “other people”. Strangers?
No one is indifferent to what those close to us, friends, relatives, our social circle, think of us. To claim it doesn’t [matter] is, in my opinion, merely a device to protect ourselves, our feelings, should someone’s view of us be less than flattering, indeed critical (even if justified). It also comes across as a more unpleasant variety of arrogance. Proof for my argument? I have yet to meet anybody – of any age – who is not interested in what “other people think” when it’s in our favour.
Other than that: I would like to opt out of your bunch of nuts. Too many are allergic to them.
U
🙂
Yes. One realises that the others are more often than not, either thinking of themselves or worrying about what others think of them.
Amen to that.
an interesting topic. and yes. now i seldom seem to worry what one thinks i guess.
i spent every year of my school life except for the last two . . . wondering what people would think of me. too many changes. no stability. makes for too much introspection of oneself probably. every school year started with a bunch of strangers once again.
my gram’s favorite saying… and she used it often with me …
“oh tammy! that would never be noticed from a galloping horse!”
i thought it silly then. and totally unrelated to my concerns of course. LOL.
but now i see that what rummy said above is no doubt true.
still. kids can be very cruel. and you’re judged up and down.
invariably the teacher would have you stand alone in front of the class … introducing you and telling them you were the NEW girl. once again. very hard for a shy girl.
Oh, wow! That’s hard. I’m so glad you met Bob and had a few great years, at least. I admire you for being so cheerful after all you’ve been through.
And let’s face it, it’s not just kids who can be cruel. Remember your mother-in-law. Most people are status creatures. They like to place people in hierarchies.
Yes, for me it happened between about 51 and 53 or 54.
It’s a real blessing, isn’t it?
Most definitely!!! It’s one of the only great things about getting older.
For me it’s not the only thing, but it really is great.
Age has taught me that there’s a certain futility in worrying about what others think of you, a lesson that proved particularly hard for me and required about six decades and buckets of tears and hundreds of hours of accumulated self recrimination to learn. If I get the same negative message from several interactions, then I certainly am willing to look at my behavior and either accept my human frailty or attempt to do something about it. However, often enough people see you through the filter of their own emotions and expectations and may have wildly varying views. I’ve been deemed the most empathetic person several people know and also a harsh bitch by one. I know which I’d like to be classified (most of the time) and I’m frankly puzzled by the other label. What are you going to do if you’ve given honest thought to negative feedback and don’t feel it’s warranted? Welcome the harsh bitch hidden inside all these years and shrug it off, is what I’ve decided.
Something similar (not the same label, but mean stuff nonetheless) recently. Some things said weren’t true at all, others had an unwarranted negative spin. It was hard to take it personally. I actually learned that when I was in my early teens. I wrote about it here.
It was a painful lesson at the time, but an invaluable one.
Yes, I always take account of what others think of me. I wouldn’t behave in ways that other people would see as mean, intolerant, arrogant or vicious, for example. I don’t want other people to avoid me or be terrified of me or hate me. And as Ursula says, people are always interested in what others think when it’s flattering to them.
I just deleted a couple of comments I wrote previously (the tone was all wrong for this blog!) and am replacing them with:
Judging from your posts I think of you as a sensitive, thoughtful, considerate fellow.
Thank you for coming by!