Entries Tagged 'Change' ↓
July 7th, 2008 — Change
bikehikebabe sent me these pictures of a young, hungry bear in her neighbors’ cherry tree:
This bear is a great example of the power of motivation. Mostly bears stay away from people, but when they’re hungry enough they’ll come into back yards looking for food. As you can see from the second picture, they’re not concerned about the damage they create in the process. Hopefully we humans are learning to choose our goals thoughtfully so we don’t destroy our environment and our futures in our pursuit. We have to be careful of unintended consequences.
That reminds me of a story I read in the local paper a few years ago. A man went up into the mountains to hunt wild turkeys. He was sitting under a tree blowing his turkey caller when a mountain lion leaped down on him from the branches above. The man managed to fight the lion off and said he didn’t know who was most shocked, he or the mountain lion. The lion obviously thought he was pouncing on a tasty turkey dinner. And presumably the man never again hid under a tree to blow his turkey caller.
What about you? Have you ever been surprised when you were pursuing a goal? if so, what did you learn from the experience? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.
June 9th, 2008 — Change, Living Fully
The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.
—J.K. Rowling, in her 2008 Commencement Address at Harvard University
I like challenges. I figure getting into situations which stretch my mind and my resourcefulness is like going to the gym every other day to use the weight machines…it’s just a part of keeping fit. In this rapidly changing world we’re bound to encounter new circumstances to deal with, and our best security is to keep developing our skills. That attitude of lifelong learning is also a great way to feed our souls… to keep feeling fully alive. The trick is to find something that grabs our attention…something challenging enough to give us a feeling of accomplishment, but not so much of a stretch that it feels overwhelming.
That last part has been the real challenge for me the past few weeks. Looking at WordPress templates and style sheets was intimidating until I realized it was just like learning a foreign language. I lived in Germany for six months and France for thirteen, so I’ve had experience with jumping into a new environment with limited knowledge. Some basic grammar and vocabulary is enough to get started. Then a good dictionary, a willingness to learn, and a lot of resourcefulness can turn the situation into an adventure.
So that’s been my approach to revising my WordPress themes. I still have a lot to learn, and I’m certain to run into new problems/”learning opportunities”, but I can do a lot more than I could two weeks ago, and I no longer feel lost. I now have some basic knowledge to build on.
What about you? What are the challenges in your life right now? What are you learning from them? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.
Thanks to bikehikebabe, Shilpan, Darren, David, Rachel and Adebola for comments on last week’s post.
May 19th, 2008 — Change, Living Fully
A woman, I’ll call her “Joan”, from our local Friends of the Shelter sent a delightful message to the group the other day. She gave an update on the beautiful Rottweiler puppy she adopted from the shelter last November. He’s now a beautiful 60-pound nine-month-old. He’s a wonderful addition to the family…calm, playful, people-oriented and dog-friendly.
He has just one little issue…he wants to be the boss of someone, and he’s chosen her. He wants to tell her when he wants to play and to be fed, and if she doesn’t do what she wants, he chews on her foot, jumps on her and nips. Just a little issue.
And, in fact, the behavioral specialist she took him to says it’s probably easily cured. Don’t scold him or get into a battle of wills. Just quietly take him into another room, preferably with one of his favorite toys, and give him a time out for a bit. He already gets plenty of attention, and reacting to him is positive reinforcement. She’s been trying it and is having good results. And she’s wisely doing that now, when he’s “only” 60 pounds, before he’s full-grown.
Lessons Learned?
So what can we learn from this? For me it’s to remember to keep things in perspective. To remember that we don’t have to be perfect to be lovable. If we’re acting in ways we don’t like, don’t turn it into a moral matter. Just figure out what the payoff for the behavior is, and find a healthier way of satisfying that need. In the Rottweiler’s case, it’s to show him he’s more apt to get attention if he doesn’t try to dominate the woman. For me the big problem years ago was eating junk food, as well as too much of the healthy stuff. The solution wasn’t to mentally beat myself up, it was to find activities that I loved even more than eating. As long as I was dieting I kept thinking about food. The solution was to do something else instead. And a big part of the process was to refuse to stop loving myself just because I had a little issue. Staying loving and nonjudgmental is powerful.
What about you? Have you ever changed some unwanted behaviors? Please share your experience in the comments section.
Thanks to bikehikebabe, Daz, Shauna, Robert and Robin for commenting on last week’s post.
April 21st, 2008 — Change, Following the Path, Happiness, Living Fully
Self-talk is not that different from a thermostat. It’s one of the ways we monitor ourselves, control impulses and guide actions.
—Tom Brinthaupt, Psychology Professor
When we’re babies we talk to ourselves. We start with sounds, then move onto inflections and rhythms of speech. And while we’re doing it, we’re entranced by the sound of our own voice…it’s one of our first toys. But as we grow up…go to school… learn to interact appropriately with other people, we’re taught to keep quiet…most of the time, at least.
So I don’t know about you, but most of my adult self-talk has been internal. I often have a lively dialog going on, but the mute button is definitely pressed. That made sense when I was working with other people, but I work alone a lot of the time now, and I’ve been thinking of talking out loud more. From what I’ve read, it can be as effective as journaling for keeping in touch with yourself. And it has the advantage that you can move around and do routine chores while you’re talking. But after the millions of words I’ve written in my free-association journal, it’s been hard to make the switch.
Until now, that is.
Why the sudden change?
I recently read Jared Sandburg’s From Crib to Cubicle, A Familiar Voice –Our Own– Reassures. In it Sandburg says as many as 96% of people working in a cubicle environment talk to themselves out loud. That talking may be a nuisance to others, but it also helps keep the talkers on track. It helps them tune out distractions and keeps them focused on their goals. He also says they’re more apt to talk aloud when things go wrong…it’s like having their own friendly guide helping them. One airline pilot even envisioned an imaginary guide sitting in the jump seat behind him, ready to give advice when problems came up. And in a comment to last week’s post at Transforming Stress, bikehikebabe said when she’s tired she finishes her exercises by talking herself through them.
That made a lot of sense. My way of handling a problem is more to gather information or to go off and think and write about it, depending on the type of problem. But when I thought about it, I realized I do miss not talking more. Some of the happiest moments in my life were when my daughter was a baby and I talked to her a lot. She loved it, and it lifted my spirits. And, strange as it sounds, I love talking to the dogs over at the local shelter. Again, they love the attention and the talking is fun for me. Those two situations are similar in that the words don’t matter. Babies and dogs tune into the nonverbal, the tone of voice and the facial expression. And for me it was hearing the cheerful, reassuring voice and the physical act of smiling that lifted my spirits. Hey, I can do that without an audience. So yesterday I experimented with smiling, bouncing on my jogging trampoline, and singing. That definitely worked for me!
A new technique for the toolbox
The interesting thing is I’ve been a bit nervous lately because we’re about to go on a trip and have also just bought our first Mac. Those are both fun things, but a lot to think about. And last night when I was trying to concentrate, my husband kept interrupting because he needed help with something. So I thought of those cubicle workers who face this all of the time, and I started cheerfully talking to myself. “Let’s help him get what he needs so that will be finished, then you can get back to what you were doing. You have plenty of time.” It really worked, and I now have a new mood-lifting/stress-management tool that I can use any time I choose. I will let you know next week if I’ve remembered to do that!
What about you? Do you ever talk to yourself? If so, when do you do it and how does it work for you? Do you ever sing for the sheer joy of it? Please share your thoughts and experience in the comments section.
Thanks to Brian, Shilpan, David, bikehikebabe, Robert, Evelyn, and Daz for commenting on last week’s post.
April 14th, 2008 — Change, Living Fully
The world we see that seems so insane is the result of a belief system that is not working. To perceive the world differently, we must be willing to change our belief system, let the past slip away, expand our sense of now, and dissolve the fear in our minds.
—William James
It’s a magical world, Hobbes, ol’ buddy…let’s go exploring!
—Calvin to Hobbes
Stay curious and open to life. No matter what happens keep learning and growing.
—The Cheerful Monk
So, how do we keep learning and growing? My husband and I get several newspapers and numerous magazines, including Science and Science News, to keep our world view relatively broad. But my greatest growth comes not from information about the physical world, but from caring about people with views and experience different from mine.
As Ellen commented in The Power of Listening, mindfulness is “an alert witnessing of reality without judgment, attachment, fear, expectation, defensiveness, bias, or control.” And we have chances to practice that every day in our interactions with other people. All we have to do to get out of our little mental boxes is to open our hearts and expand our minds. We will never be perfect at it, but that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be powerful.
What about you? How do you keep learning and growing? How do you open yourself up to life? Please share your experience in the comments section.
Thanks to Robert, Ellen, bikehikebabe, Shilpan, Michael, Karen and Darren for commenting on last week’s post.
January 28th, 2008 — Change
Things are seldom what they seem.
Skim milk masquerades as cream.
—Gilbert and Sullivan
A favorite saying around our home is “Oh, I didn’t know that!” In addition to two newspapers, my husband and I get a lot of magazines and newsletters. Among these are Science, Science News, and various wellness newsletters reporting the latest research. Whenever one of us reads something of interest we pass it on to the other. It’s a great reminder of how little we know about the world. In one sense we’re like the little girl in the picture, trying to hug the “other little girl” in the mirror. She doesn’t understand how mirrors work, and there’s a lot that we adults don’t understand. The universe is complicated, and the world is changing rapidly, so many of our ideas of reality will prove to be outmoded. It behooves us to keep ourselves…mind, body and spirit…in good shape. It behooves us to keep learning and growing.
One of my latest “Oh, I didn’t know that!” moments came via Bob at every, every minute. He’s inviting bloggers to join the St. Francis Project. The idea is to write a post once a week in February on part of the Prayer of St. Francis. I’ve agreed to do it, and in the process I learned that the prayer may not have been written by St. Francis. I didn’t know that! Apparently the first known appearance of the poem was in French in 1912. Its association with St. Francis may have been because in 1920 it was printed and distributed, with the title Prière pour la paix (Prayer for Peace), on the back of an image of St. Francis. It’s just another slight adjustment to my imperfect view of the world.
What about you? What have you learned lately? How are you responding to this rapidly changing world? What’s your reaction to the Prayer for Peace? (Included below.) Please share your thoughts and experience in the comments section.
Photo by Eric & Kari via Flickr. Creative Commons license.
The Prayer for Peace, divided by topics for weekly posts:
Week One: February 1-9
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
Week Two: February 10-16
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
Week Three: February 17-23
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
Week Four: February 24-March 1
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen
Thanks to bikehikebabe, Wendy, Tom, Peter, and Chris for commenting on last week’s post.
Related posts:
Lifelong Learning,
What I learned From Being Downsized,
Looking, Learning, Opening Up to Life,
Stay Curious annd Open to Life,
Holy Curiosity,
Creating Our Own Inner Guide,
Building a Solid Foundation
November 26th, 2007 — Change
Stay curious and open to life. No matter what happens keep learning and growing. Find what you love to do and find a way to share it with others.
That’s my basic philosophy of life. It has the advantage of giving me plenty of room to learn and grow, and it includes connection with others as well as to the deepest parts of myself. But it needs to be supplemented by some structure. So my question today is “What did you use as a guide when it was time to psychologically leave home and create your own life?”
“Goal-setting,” most people in the self-development field would say. “You have to have goals to have a sense of direction and to focus your energy and attention. Otherwise you’ll just be squandering your life.” I agree goals are great tools, but for me they aren’t enough. Goals have to be measurable, and how do you measure progress in becoming more loving and compassionate? How do you measure your generosity of spirit? Those are some of my highest values, and goal setting isn’t the best way to develop them.
So I had to figure out some strategy for working on those qualities. I needed a loving guide, someone who believed in me and wanted to bring out the best in me. Since no one around fit that description, I created one. I read a number of books about child development and started to re-parent myself. That meant promising myself unconditional love and support, no matter what happened. It also meant trusting that I was doing the best I could, noticing when I was behaving in a way I didn’t like, and suggesting what might have worked better. It meant understanding what my deepest needs were and helping me find a way to meet them.
It was a simple but powerful approach. Most of us can see how other people are messing up their lives because we can see their situations from the outside, without the emotional turmoil. So I was simply having a part of me be a loving observer, always on my side. The net effect was I always had a friend to turn to, so I was never alone. I cheerfully admit it’s an unorthodox approach. But our imaginations are powerful, so why not use them for a good cause?
Anyway, that was my approach. What about you? What approach did you use/are you using? Please share your experience in the comment section.
Picture by Elfike via Flickr. Creative Commons license.
Thanks to everyone who commented this past week: Tracey, Ellen, Al, Deb, Larissa, Adebola, Joanna, bikhikebabe, Albert, Truthteller and ric.
