Entries Tagged 'Change' ↓
June 29th, 2009 — Change, Living Fully
Last week we talked about Terry Starbucker’s article on the power of putting our goals/philosophy in writing. I quoted the whole article except for three paragraphs:
The last line of my letter said this – “The Best is yet to come – Believe!!”
I did believe. And I still believe.
And you should too – in yourself and the incredible potential of the human spirit.
I’ve been thinking of that a lot lately. I do believe in the power of the human spirit, but I’m not convinced the best is always yet to come. Sometimes we’re lucky enough to learn to live fully in the present rather than thinking we will only be happy if we achieve future goals.
That’s one of the lessons taught by one of the most inspiring books I’ve ever read: Flying Without Wings by Dr. Arnold Beisser. Dr. Beisser was a brilliant man and a great athlete…he worked hard but really lived for sports, that was his reward. Then after becoming a doctor at the age of 23 and a national tennis champion when he was 24, he was struck down by polio. He was paralyzed from the neck down and confined to an iron lung for a couple of years. For the rest of his life he was completely dependent on other people for his survival.
That didn’t keep him from having a happy marriage and a career as a well-respected psychiatrist. The book is basically the story of how he acquired the age-old wisdom:
Life isn’t always the way we think it should be. It’s how we handle it that makes the difference. And life is in the here and now…the best preparation for the future is to live deeply in this present moment.
Life isn’t always smooth sailing. Storms happen and some of them do extensive damage…it’s still up to us to learn to steer our ship. I for one am grateful I have Dr. Beisser’s book as a resource.
What resources do you use?
April 27th, 2009 — Change
Two caterpillars were crawling along when a butterfly flew overhead.
One of the caterpillars looked up and said,
“You’ll never get me up in one of those things!”
What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.
—Richard Bach
This little caterpillar is one of my new role models. The world is changing fast, and sometimes I feel small and a bit clueless. He’s a great reminder to keep trudging along and trust the process of life.
There’s an old American saying:
There are three types of people in the world:
- Those who make things happen,
- Those who watch things happen, and
- Those who say, “What happened?”
I don’t know about you, but I’m each of these in different parts of my life. There are some areas where I try to make a difference, and there are areas where I have no control but try to watch what is going on. Yet the world is so complex I’m confident there will be some surprises… times when I say, “What happened?” And that’s all right too. I’ll keep trudging along and see how it all turns out.
Having a bit of humility and a sense of humor helps a lot. 
April 20th, 2009 — Change, Lifelong Learning
This is a picture of me this past week, digging for information. I was learning about a former U. S. military terminal that is now the site of a Russian gift to the American people. (Click on the link to see a spectacular view of the gift.) I wrote about this monument last Friday in Why Didn’t We Know About This?
But in that post I didn’t mention what a great symbol it is of the end of the animosity between the U.S. and the Soviet Union/Russia. The following photo shows the Military Ocean Terminal Bayonne, which was opened as a military base in 1942 and closed in 1999 because of the end of the Cold War.
And this picture shows it more recently, after it was taken over by the Bayonne Local Redevelopment Authority:
The monument is in the green area in the bottom half of the picture. We can also see one of Royal Caribbean ships that operate out of the Cape Liberty Cruise Port, also on the peninsula.
The whole peninsula (click the link for another good picture) is scheduled for redevelopment. The Russian monument and the Royal Caribbean port are just the first small steps.
As I mentioned last week, we’re seeing more and more changes in the world. I don’t like all of those changes…for instance, I am concerned about the effect of large cruise ships on the environment… but by no means am I agin ‘em all. I do think the Russian monument is an improvement over the Cold War.
April 13th, 2009 — Change
That was my husband’s and my favorite joke years ago, when drastic changes were happening at work. He hasn’t changed his opinion since then, but I’ve softened a lot. There have been some changes that I love, especially blogging and searching for information on the internet. I would hate to have to give that up.
Product Recall
I was reminded of this a few days ago. We received an automated phone call from Sam’s Club saying we might have bought some food that was being recalled. They mentioned three products, the first two being pistachio nuts. The third was a mixed-nut product. The information came too fast to write down the names, product codes and lot numbers, but I didn’t have to worry. When the message was over I checked to see if the mixed nuts my husband likes contained pistachios. Yes, they did. So I Googled “pistachio recall”, which gave me a link to the FDA site listing all the products affected. So within a matter of minutes we knew not to eat any more of those nuts but instead take them back for a refund.
I’m an information junkie, and it blows me away that
- Sam’s Club knew we had purchased the products,
- Sam’s Club could automatically phone us and the other consumers who bought the suspect nuts, and
- I could so easily find the details of the recall for myself.
Sharing Via the Web
I also love the internet because of the sharing. I love Flickr… especially the people who so generously share their pictures using the Creative Commons license… and Wikipedia and the community of fellow bloggers. It warms my heart just thinking of them.
We’re living in drastically changing times, and I certainly don’t like all of the changes. But by no means am I “agin ‘em all”.
What About You?
What changes have you experienced in the past few years? Which ones do you like? Which ones don’t you like? What further changes do you think will be coming? How do you feel about them?
March 30th, 2009 — Change, Lifelong Learning
The Woman and the Elevator
A woman was waiting for the elevator, throwing her keys up in the air and catching them as they came down. When the elevator appeared she threw the keys one more time as she stepped inside. But just as she was over the crack between the elevator and the floor, the keys dropped, falling all the way down to the basement. The people in the elevator felt sorry for her until she said, “I can’t believe I did that again!”
The Man, His New Car and his Garage
A man came into his house embarrassed. The hood of his new car was slightly longer than the old one and for the second time he had banged it into the wall of the garage. He was worried about what to tell the fellows down at the auto repair shop. I mean, once was bad enough. His wife suggested, “Why don’t you just tell them I did it?” He thought about it and said, “That might work. It did the first time.”
Stupidity or Psychological Mass?
Do you judge those people as stupid for making the same “dumb mistake” more than once? I don’t. I’ve been there, done that too many times to condemn others. And I don’t even beat myself up when I do something “dumb”. I believe in “psychological mass”. We’re creatures of habit, and most of our actions are done automatically. That doesn’t mean we can’t change them, it just means we don’t do it just by making a conscious decision. That would be like trying to stop a cruise ship by saying, “Stop!” When things have mass and inertia we need to understand what’s happening and plan ahead.
Behavior modification has been my hobby since was 16 years old. And the one thing I’ve learned is to lighten up and get curious. It’s not only more effective in changing habits, it’s also a lot more fun.
What About You?
Have you even changed habits that weren’t working for you? If so, how did you go about doing it?
December 22nd, 2008 — Change, Living Fully
Kaitlin, Torben and their two dogs are driving from the Midwest for Christmas…their route is shown on the map in red. We’re always happy to see them, but don’t encourage them to come for the holidays because of the weather and traffic. They decided to chance it and are scheduled to arrive late tonight, the good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise. Needless to say we’re all watching the weather…wish us luck. I’ll update this post later.
I must say, it tickles me be able to check the weather on the web and to use Photoshop to impose their route on the map. What great toys we have now-a-days!
I’m especially happy, of course, that as I write this their route looks fairly clear.
9 pm December 22
They arrived safely in time for a late dinner. We’ll try to go up to the land tomorrow to get our Christmas tree. It started snowing here around 3 this afternoon and it’s still coming down.
October 6th, 2008 — Change, Living Fully
This month’s topic for Robert Hruzek’s writing challenge is What I Learned From Stress. Hey, I can do that. I mean, I have an entire blog devoted to the topic, and I’ve been dealing with stress since I was 16 years old. Before that I wasn’t dealing with it, I had a full-blown phobia and was having periodic panic attacks.
What triggered these attacks? The very thought of dentists. The fellow who traumatized me was actually a compassionate person. I was only 8 at the time, but I still remember the look of concern on his face. I appreciate that, but not as much as if he had given me novacaine before he drilled straight down on a nerve. The cavity looked tiny, so how was he to know it went all the way down. And he presumably was worried that novacaine had side effects and was trying to protect his patients. Anyway, once he started he didn’t know what to do, so he forged ahead and filled the tooth, hoping for the best.
I can’t remember if we ever went back to him, but I do know all the other dentists I had believed in novacaine, and I’ve never taken it for granted. It’s way up there on the list of things I’m grateful for.
That didn’t do away with the fear, though. When I was 16 the tooth developed an abscess, and I faced a root canal. I had to do something, so I found a book on self-hypnosis and actually taught myself to relax in the dental chair. For a while I was so good at it that I would fall asleep while the dentist was working…they hate that because it messes up the position of your mouth.
So, what did I learn from the experience? That I don’t have to be a victim of my emotions. That I can take responsibility for my life. One of the Traits of Stress-Hardy, Resilient People is
They take responsibility for their mental programming, their emotions, and their actions. If they have ineffective ways of thinking and behaving, they evaluate them and make appropriate changes.
That’s an ongoing process, of course, but for me it’s heady stuff. I read a lot about how changing ourselves is scary. That’s not the way I look at it. Curing myself of that phobia was one of the most empowering things I’ve ever done, so for me making changes is exciting, a part of the adventure of life. What about you? Have you ever had an empowering experience like that? One that affected the rest of your life?
September 1st, 2008 — Change, Living Fully
Robert Hruzek over at Middle Zone Musings recently wrote a post on serendipity, which is when life hands you a delightful surprise, especially when you’re looking for something else. Has that ever happened to you? It sure did to me once. I was ready to go back to work after staying at home with my daughter for 10 years. My first interview had been that morning, and the vibes had not been good. They had been so bad, as a matter of fact, that on the way home I had stopped to buy a book entitled, How to Interview For a Job.
Then that very evening when I went to the grocery store I saw a fellow who had told me many times to let him know if I were ever interested in going back to work. So in the course of a couple of days he got me an informal interview with his boss, who said as soon as we met, “I’ve been looking for someone like you for the past 20 years.” Yes, that was completely unexpected and a delightful surprise. It ended up being the best job I ever had, with plenty of challenges, a great salary and benefits, and travel, including trips to Europe.
Some people might say that was the law of attraction at work, but I don’t think so. I think it was past preparation and incredibly good luck. If it were the law of attraction, then what would I say about another friend of mine who a few years earlier was diligently looking for a job? After one particularly hard day she went out on the patio of our apartment building to relax and replenish her spirits. Instead a bird flew overhead and dropped a load on her. I still remember the look on her face when she said, “It’s hard not to take this personally.”
As I understand it, the basic idea of the L.O.A. is that our thoughts have energy that attracts like energy. Which means
- if we focus our thoughts and energy on what we want,
- transmit that energy to the universe in the form of great feeling and action, and
- are open to receiving what we’re focusing on,
then what we want will inevitably come to us. The process is as natural as the law of gravity.
The truth is, I wasn’t looking for the type of job I was offered. I had been taking some classes in computer science at our local branch college to bring me back up to speed… I was aiming for a challenging job using some of the more sophisticated computer languages. But my new boss was excited about my background in physics, not just in my ability in programming. When I told him I was thinking of getting a Master’s degree in Computer Science he said, “Frankly, I don’t have much respect for computer scientists.” So much for that idea. I just shrugged and answered, “Well, physicists are usually snobs.” It was clear we were a great match.
No, I’ve always believed in building a solid foundation, but I also believe in being flexible and open to serendipity, to the luck that comes my way. What about you? What do you think?
July 21st, 2008 — Change, Living Fully
Have you ever felt like the dog in this picture…a bit overwhelmed?
If so, what did you do to climb out of the situation? What resources did you have? How did you access them?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately…I don’t feel overwhelmed right now, but I am nervous about the future. That doesn’t necessarily mean anything…the tendency to worry is part of my nature…but just in case my little boat starts sinking, I’m practicing my swimming. It never hurts to keep in shape.
So what am I doing to be proactive instead of feeling helpless? To use the swimming analogy I’m
- Learning to float,
- Keeping myself motivated to practice every day, and
- Developing my skills.
Learning to Float
Learning to float is the first skill we need in swimming. The equivalent in stress management is learning to calm our bodies and our minds so we can act effectively. There are all sorts of ways of doing this, and the one that works best for me is using my StressEraser. I’ve written about the device and about how to slip into the relaxation response in Experimenting with the StressEraser. Whenever I start feeling tense I use the device for a few minutes each day to keep me centered.
Keeping Motivated
The trick of learning any skill is to keep ourselves motivated to practice regularly. I learned to be a good swimmer because I loved playing in the water. I wasn’t working for some future goal, I was enjoying myself. I can’t say I always like being in stressful situations, but I can figure out how to enjoy part of the challenge. The easiest way for me to slip into that attitude is to remember past successes, especially the time my husband and I were both threatened with being downsized at the same time. It was both scary and one of the happiest times of my life, and it taught me some lifelong lessons. What I Learned From Being Downsized:
- Be optimistic and have a sense of humor,
- Always keep learning and growing,
- Be patient and bide your time when it’s appropriate,
- Generate new ideas and opportunities for yourself,
- Enjoy the adventure of life and have friends to share it with.
Developing Skills
In addition to remembering those lessons and lifting my spirits by thinking of that time, I also keep myself on track by integrating the Traits of Stress-Hardy, Resilient People into my life. They’re listed below, after this post. See also yesterday’s post at Transforming Stress,
When Life Is “For the Birds”. Having a sense of humor does help!
I use that list of traits often…there are enough of them so I don’t get bored, and in any given situation I can find at least one that hits home and gives me some constructive action to take. And that’s the secret of stress management, to stay constructive, to be participant in the adventure of life rather than feeling like a helpless victim.
Anyway, that’s what works for me. What about you? How are you learning to swim in life? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.
Traits of Stress-Hardy, Resilient People
1. They have a sense of meaning, direction, and purpose. They are value-centered rather than reactive and defensive. They understand that emotions are great sources of energy and motivation but are often poor guides for action. Instead these people use their values as guides.
2. They realize that the quality of our lives depends on how we focus our energy and our attention. They try to align their thoughts and actions with their values. They know how to motivate themselves to take action.
3. They don’t judge themselves or others harshly when things go wrong. They focus on what they want, not on what they don’t want.
4. They are able to tolerate ambiguity, uncertainty, and imperfection. They have a long-range perspective, so they give themselves and others room to grow. They can afford to be resilient, flexible, and creative because they are centered in their values.
5. They are reasonably optimistic and have a sense of humor. Even though they are dedicated to doing things well, they don’t take themselves too seriously.
6. They take responsibility for their mental programming, their emotions, and their actions. If they have ineffective ways of thinking and behaving, they evaluate them and make appropriate changes.
7. They look at adversity as a challenge rather than as a threat. They realize that no matter how the present situation turns out, they will learn and grow from it.
8. They respect themselves and other people. They have a spirit of cooperation, looking for win-win solutions rather than trying to win over other people or ignoring their own wants and needs because of fear.
9. They are grateful for the good things in their lives.
10. They know how to mourn the inevitable losses in life. They know how to let go of things they have no control over.
July 7th, 2008 — Change
bikehikebabe sent me these pictures of a young, hungry bear in her neighbors’ cherry tree:
This bear is a great example of the power of motivation. Mostly bears stay away from people, but when they’re hungry enough they’ll come into back yards looking for food. As you can see from the second picture, they’re not concerned about the damage they create in the process. Hopefully we humans are learning to choose our goals thoughtfully so we don’t destroy our environment and our futures in our pursuit. We have to be careful of unintended consequences.
That reminds me of a story I read in the local paper a few years ago. A man went up into the mountains to hunt wild turkeys. He was sitting under a tree blowing his turkey caller when a mountain lion leaped down on him from the branches above. The man managed to fight the lion off and said he didn’t know who was most shocked, he or the mountain lion. The lion obviously thought he was pouncing on a tasty turkey dinner. And presumably the man never again hid under a tree to blow his turkey caller.
What about you? Have you ever been surprised when you were pursuing a goal? if so, what did you learn from the experience? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.
