As I mentioned in Their New Car last September, this is a picture of Banshee (on the left) and Sammy in the Honda Element that was bought for them. Kaitlin and Torben often make the long drive to Torben’s family in Ann Arbor, Michigan and Banshee had just had major surgery. The back seat of the Honda Civic was too small for both dogs given Banshee’s wounds.
The surgery had been extensive… Banshee lost part of her pancreas, stomach and intestines and the vet thought she was going to die. Clearly from the picture she was making a remarkable recovery. For months she had more energy than she had had for a long time. This is a picture of her and Sammy up on our land last Thanksgiving.
The vet had said he couldn’t remove all the diseased tissue, so they expected more trouble eventually. Banshee started acting more lethargic the past couple of weeks, so Kaitlin expected the vet to take an ultrasound during her annual physical this past Friday. Instead Banshee suddenly became deathly ill Thursday afternoon. The vet said it was massive internal bleeding with little hope of recovery. So Kaitlin and Torben had to make the agonizing decision to euthanize her. The two of them plus Sammy were there when Banshee passed away.
It was a shock to have it happen so abruptly…she was only seven years old…and she will be sorely missed. But at least she didn’t suffer for very long.
Advance Health Care Directives
My husband and I have just made new wills, including Advance Health Care Directives. They basically say if we’re ever in the same position as Banshee let us go as quickly and painlessly as possible. It’s more complicated for humans than for animals, of course, and not all hospitals respect the patient’s wishes. We will talk to our doctor about it this summer when we go for our annual physicals. I helped nurse my mother when she was dying and had to be assertive with her doctor to get her the pain medication she needed. It’s not something we can take for granted.
I’ve named Andy as my spokesman if I become incapacitated, and Kaitlin is the contingent spokesperson. I am also a member of Compassion and Choices, which advocates for patients’ rights to make end-of-life decisions.
What about you? Is this something you ever think about? Have you ever had to help a loved one get the relief she/he needed?
The above cartoon was inspired by a cartoon in Science Magazine a few years ago. I was tickled that the magazine actually included a cartoon and that the above idea was used in an article on the origins of speech. I don’t remember what the article said, but presumably it did mention gender differences in communication styles.
I also like the following cartoon. Differences in communication styles don’t have to be a big deal.
People always ask how cartoonists come up with ideas… When something interests us, we play around with it.
My goal is to feel enthusiastic about some aspect of the work. I think one can always tell when an artist is engaged and having a good time: the energy and life comes through the work.
—Bill Watterson
Any Calvin and Hobbes fan can tell you Bill Watterson’s energy and life did indeed come through his work. That’s why the cartoons are still loved 14 years after the last one was published, and why the U S. Postal Service is going to issue a Calvin and Hobbes stamp this coming July.
Hobbes is one of my role models so I have all of the comics and revisit them from time to time. They’re guaranteed to get me out of mental ruts…they stir my imagination and make me see the world with fresh eyes. You can view the comics in order here.
One reason the cartoons still seem fresh after all these years is because Bill took two sabbaticals when he needed to, from May 1991 to February 1992, and from April through December 1994. (The strips ran from November 18, 1985 to December 31, 1995.) And he ended the strips in 1995 because he had said all he had to say. It was time to move on.
What about you? Have you ever taken sabbaticals to renew yourself? Have you ever stopped doing something you loved and/or were successful at because it was time to move on?
One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was from one of my favorite teachers in high school. I still remember where we were standing when he said kids often rebel against their parents and authority figures, but if we simply criticize and attack we’re just as trapped as if we blindly believe everything we’re told. We have to figure out what our own values are and learn to live them.
Neurolinguistic programming (NLP) says it more simply:
Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want.
In fact NLP in a nutshell is
Figure out what you want,
Notice if what you’re doing is getting you closer to what you want, and
To all the people watching, I can never thank you enough for your kindness to me and I’ll think about it for the rest of my life. All I ask of you is one thing: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism- it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere.
Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.
One of my favorite stories is the Zen one of a man being chased by a tiger.
He came to a cliff and thought he would be killed until he saw a vine. He grabbed hold of it and swung himself over the edge of the cliff, safe from the tiger’s jaws.
But looking down he saw more hungry tigers on the ground below him. And even worse, a mouse above was gnawing through the base of the vine. At any moment he would fall to certain death. Then he noticed a wild strawberry growing on the cliff wall. Clutching the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other and put it in his mouth.
His very last taste of food was delicious.
When I first heard this story I thought it clearly wasn’t an American one. We like happy endings. But since then I’ve read that the original story was modified for American audiences. In the original ending the strawberry was poisonous.
That’s a bit grim for even for those of us with a tragic view of life.
On the other hand, I find the above version inspiring. Unlike a true positive thinker I believe there are circumstances that we’re powerless to change. But that doesn’t mean we can’t make the most of the life we still have left. What do you think?
We have long telephone chats with my daughter every Sunday evening, and last Sunday my daughter was telling me about the winter displays at the Chicago Botanic Garden. We both wished my husband and I had a magic carpet to come and see it with her and Torben.
They get a season pass each year and go there often. The four of us always go when Andy and I visit, and she and Torben were married there.
My husband loves model trains so when we visit we see the Model Railroad Garden. It has 17 trains (1/29th the size of full scale trains) on 1,600 feet of track. The tracks go over trestles and through tunnels and miniature gardens and around representations of some of America’s landmarks. It’s a fun place to visit for the little kids in us.
So the part of the garden that my daughter was most enthusiastic about was the Wonderland Express. They had moved the miniature trains inside, into the very room where Kaitlin and Torben were married. I wanted to share the experience with her and even though modern technology hasn’t come up with a magic carpet for Andy and me, it has provided a substitute. I went online while Kaitlin was talking and found this video:
It was a great way of sharing, reinforcing old memories and creating new ones.
What about you? What new memories are you creating?
When we went up to get our Christmas tree this year we saw this one on the side of the road. A local couple decorates one each year for the pleasure of passersby.
This tree is a nice contrast to the opinion voiced by of Peggy Noonan (Wall Street Journal, 12/19/09) that Americans are deteriorating in the way we treat one another:
I’d like to see a poll on this. Yes or no: Have we become a more vulgar country? Are we coarser than, say, 50 years ago? Do we talk more about sensitivity and treat others less sensitively? …. Is there less courtesy in America now than when you were a child, or more?
I think the popular culture is more vulgar than when I was a kid, but as far as how we treat one another I don’t think it has changed all that much. It depends on who you hang out with. I tend to avoid rude people as much as possible and hang out with the caring, considerate ones.
This cartoon reminds me of my dad. He used to say, “Never let people know how much you can do, otherwise they’ll expect you to do it.” He wasn’t a great achiever, of course, but his strategy worked well for him.
Have you ever pretended to be less competent than you really are? (I have.) If so, what did you do with the time that you saved?
Have you ever pretended to be more competent than you were at the time? (“Fake it ’til you make it”…I have.) How did that work out?
Do you celebrate Thanksgiving? I’m a great believer in being thankful every day, so Thanksgiving isn’t that much different for me. We’re not interested in big feasts, but we did buy a can of olives in the spirit of the occasion.
For us Thanksgiving meant Kaitlin and Torben could take the time to drive here with the granddogs so they could run free up in the mountains. They were here three days and we went up to the land each day and took walks.
Torben and Kaitlin.
Sammy, Torben and Banshee.
They arrived Wednesday evening, and we had picked up Andy’s new Jeep that morning. He had ordered it with a hard top instead of the usual canvas, but it turned out the canvas top was still installed (rolled up) in the back. It was right in the way for our purposes, but the fellow said it wasn’t that hard to uninstall. Just take the hard top off and uninstall the canvas one with a torx wrench. So we took two cars up Thanksgiving Day and took care of that, as well as removing the back seats, so Andy would have plenty of room for all the the tools he takes when driving mountain dirt roads…shovels, hand and power saws, a peevee, crowbar, etc. for removing the trees and rocks that fall on the road.
The new Jeep.
Andy and Kaitlin reading instructions.
Torben working on Jeep after the hard top had been removed.
It turned out to be a not-too-long, fun family project which added to the weekend. And that’s what the weekend was all about, just hanging out together and doing some simple things to create new family memories. That’s my kind of holiday. What was your holiday or weekend like?
Years ago when I was coming back from the laundry room a boy was walking on the sidewalk ahead of me. He was waving his arms and wiggling his body as he walked, clearly just enjoying the sensation of moving. I was tickled by the scene and was glad that he hadn’t yet been taught that wasn’t “appropriate” behavior. I, of course, had been socialized so I waited until I reached the privacy of my apartment to mimic him.
It was great fun…it got my blood circulating and lifted my spirits. We adults were clearly missing something. So for quite a while I integrated some waving and wiggling into my everyday life. Gradually I got caught up in other things and forgot to do it…until this week when bikehikebabe sent me this video:
I’m now back to waving and wiggling and, thanks to the baby, I also shake my legs. Immature? Possibly. If so, then maturity is highly overrated.
