What Do You Really Believe? What Do You Really Want?


I decided to start anew, to strip away what I had been taught.
—Georgia O’Keefe
 
To know what you prefer, instead of humbly saying “Amen” to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to keep your soul alive.
—Robert Louis Stevenson

 
 

Daylight Saving Time started yesterday morning at 2 am in most parts of the United States. It used to start on the first Sunday in April, but it was moved up to save energy…we use less energy for artificial lighting when it gets dark later in the evening. That sounds great in theory, and it probably worked when the idea was first implemented. Unfortunately that was before air conditioning…now researchers have shown we actually use more energy with the new changes.

That’s just one example of a fundamental rule:

We can’t believe everything we’ve been told. We have to learn to see and think for ourselves.

 
This is especially important when it involves a fundamental life question: How we want to spend our limited time on this earth?

A Declaration of Independence
Jenny Ryan recently re-evaluated this question and wrote a post about it: My Declaration of Independence (Which Turned Out to Be Quite Long). Jenny says personal growth/self-help information was invaluable to her when she first went into business for herself, but

“… I’ve reached the point now where those products are actually keeping me out of my life.
 
I realized that what I genuinely desire, and what the people who produce those products desire, are not the same thing. And I’ve been making myself wrong and feeling guilty for wanting what I truly want, and not wanting what they say I should want.”

 
She’s decided she doesn’t want to keep striving to be a bigger “success”, and that’s all right. It doesn’t mean she’s lazy and “settling” for less than what she wants. The truth is she’s happy with where she is right now. She will continue working on herself, but what she really loves about her life is interacting with people one-on-one. She wants to live her present life deeply, not go chasing after MORE and BIGGER.

Amen to that! Thanks, Jenny, for your post. You’re a woman after my own heart.

What about you? Are you living your own life, or are you trying to live up to someone else’s definition of success? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.


Thanks to Robert, bikehikebabe, Ellen and Pauline for commenting on last week’s post.

For a related post on living more deeply in the present see Johathan Mead’s “How intimate are you with life?”.

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17 Responses to What Do You Really Believe? What Do You Really Want?

  1. Shamelle says:

    Hi,
    well, looking back at my life I am happy that the things I have accomplished I things I wanted for myself.
    Having said that I sometimes think that we get influence on what we want for ourselves based on other’s wantings… does that make sense?

    Shamelle

  2. Daz Cox says:

    Un-learning has been a long process but i find myself happy at this end of it. I used to have dreams where my possessions were all over the place and I would scramble to pick them up before passers-by did.
    Now, after literally throwing out all the things I don’t appreciate, those dreams have subsided.

    I stopped constantly hating things, I stopped constantly worrying. I do not fear death. I’d like to finish a lot more paintings and write many more things I am proud of but I will eventually lose the desire to show off those things on the internet.

    I will be a happy old man with a sketchbook sitting in a coffeeshop.

  3. Jean says:

    Shamelle,
    What you say does make sense, and it’s all right to be influenced by other people. We can’t make decisions like this without trying things, getting experience, seeing what works and what doesn’t. The important thing is if other people’s ideas don’t fit then try to figure out what will and move in that direction.

    Daz,
    🙂 I hope when you’re a happy old man you will share your sketches with others. That connection is important, so I don’t think putting pictures on a web site is showing off. Remember, part of my philosophy is “Find what you love to do and find a way to share it with others.

  4. Daz Cox says:

    oh I don’t plan to horde my art away, i just feel that eventually I’ll know enough people to have an appreciative home for everything I make. Hopefully technology will be so intuitive decades from now that my sketchbook would automatically upload my art to who,ever cared to look at it hehe!

  5. Jean says:

    Daz,
    🙂 That’s the spirit! Good for you.

  6. Jenny Ryan says:

    Oh, thanks so much for the mention-I’m honored! 🙂

  7. I follow my own definition of success by calling myself successful by definition. I think I am pretty punny and this too, in my personal view, is critical to the successful life.

    Also, having “Maurice” for a middle name – this is a key ingredient for success.

  8. Jean says:

    Paul,
    One exercise I do from time to time is ask myself in the evening, “How was today a success?” It’s similar to what you’re saying, I think. I’m simply assuming it was successful and looking at it more closely.

    About having Maurice as a middle name. A friend of mine in college was named Herschell Snodgrass. He figured if he could survive that as a child he was invincible!

    Thanks so much for coming by.

  9. Jean says:

    Jenny,
    🙂 Glad you liked it! I love your blog.

  10. Noa Rose says:

    Reminding yourself of the successes of the day is a good way to appreciate the present, and check to see if you’re on track with your plan for living fully. I call it the accountability test with this simple question: Did I make today count?

  11. Bruce says:

    I don’t know that I’d ever be able to make a “blanket” statement on the motivations of personal development / self-help authors. Just as we need different mentors as we travel through stages of our life, so too we should always filter the information we receive through our current value system.

    Success is different for different people – and at least for me – means different things at different stages of life. But I always believe that there are others out there who have insight and experience in achieving the life that I strive for – even if that experience has moved inside rather than outside.

    Something tells me Jenny would agree (I think she reads this blog…)

    🙂

  12. Jean says:

    Noa,
    That’s a great way to end the day. One of my favorite questions is, “What’s the best use of my time right now?” The answer often has nothing to do with being more productive. It’s often your equivalent of a cup of tea. 🙂

    I love your post Tea, My Liquid Rock.

  13. Jean says:

    Bruce,
    I agree blanket statements are usually only part of the story, but I’ve had the same reaction as Jenny to a lot of the more popular self-help material. I’m highly motivated, but I’ve never been interested in the more conventional ideas of success. Which simply means I had to do a bit more thinking to see what works for me.

    Even though I’ve led groups and taught classes on all sorts of personal development methods (see About Jean) this site is about sharing rather than pontificating/teaching. We each have to become experts on ourselves, and I believe one of the best gifts we can give one another is to share our insights and experiences. That’s different than setting up some people as experts and others as learners.

    🙂 Thank you for commenting and sharing.

  14. Liara Covert says:

    Learning to think for ourselves is one of life’s greatest gifts. Raising self-awareness is a tool that helps keep us humble. We realize how little we know and how much we have yet to learn. Its meaningful to share stories and to exchange ideas.

  15. Jean says:

    Liara,
    🙂 Amen to that! That’s what this site is all about: increasing our self-awareness, noticing what’s really going on. And one of the best ways to do that is to share our viewpoints and experiences. Thank you for contributing.

  16. Bruce says:

    Jean,

    I definitely agree with the “pontificating” (there is a very fine line between guru and cult leader…:))

    I guess I was just trying to make the observation that we all can learn from someone – but sometimes the teachers change over time.

    In my 20s and 30s I learned from Zig Zigler, Brian Tracy, and Lee Iaccoca – now in my 40s I spend more time with Deepak Chopra, John C. Maxwell, Rumi, Tagore, and Whitman.

    I don’t usually find them at the front of the bookstore (which is a shame) – but they are valuable teachers as I now focus more on my “inner” success.

    Thank you for the dialogue – you really have made this a community! 🙂

  17. Jean says:

    Bruce,
    I understand that you’re in a different stage of life now, and you’re reading different people. My trouble is when I hear the word “guru” I think of the Buddhist phrase: “If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.” That doesn’t mean actual violence, it means don’t let anyone else be an authority on your life. It’s fine to read and hear what others have to say, but test everything with your own experience. That’s what the Buddha was advocating. And that’s why in this site I try to tell people what works for me and encourage them to share what works for them.

    So, that said, what ideas from Chopra, Maxwell, etc. resonate with you and how are you integrating them into your life? I would love to hear about your experiences. Thanks!

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