Self-talk is not that different from a thermostat. It’s one of the ways we monitor ourselves, control impulses and guide actions.
—Tom Brinthaupt, Psychology Professor
When we’re babies we talk to ourselves. We start with sounds, then move onto inflections and rhythms of speech. And while we’re doing it, we’re entranced by the sound of our own voice…it’s one of our first toys. But as we grow up…go to school… learn to interact appropriately with other people, we’re taught to keep quiet…most of the time, at least.
So I don’t know about you, but most of my adult self-talk has been internal. I often have a lively dialog going on, but the mute button is definitely pressed. That made sense when I was working with other people, but I work alone a lot of the time now, and I’ve been thinking of talking out loud more. From what I’ve read, it can be as effective as journaling for keeping in touch with yourself. And it has the advantage that you can move around and do routine chores while you’re talking. But after the millions of words I’ve written in my free-association journal, it’s been hard to make the switch.
Until now, that is.
Why the sudden change?
I recently read Jared Sandburg’s From Crib to Cubicle, A Familiar Voice –Our Own– Reassures. In it Sandburg says as many as 96% of people working in a cubicle environment talk to themselves out loud. That talking may be a nuisance to others, but it also helps keep the talkers on track. It helps them tune out distractions and keeps them focused on their goals. He also says they’re more apt to talk aloud when things go wrong…it’s like having their own friendly guide helping them. One airline pilot even envisioned an imaginary guide sitting in the jump seat behind him, ready to give advice when problems came up. And in a comment to last week’s post at Transforming Stress, bikehikebabe said when she’s tired she finishes her exercises by talking herself through them.
That made a lot of sense. My way of handling a problem is more to gather information or to go off and think and write about it, depending on the type of problem. But when I thought about it, I realized I do miss not talking more. Some of the happiest moments in my life were when my daughter was a baby and I talked to her a lot. She loved it, and it lifted my spirits. And, strange as it sounds, I love talking to the dogs over at the local shelter. Again, they love the attention and the talking is fun for me. Those two situations are similar in that the words don’t matter. Babies and dogs tune into the nonverbal, the tone of voice and the facial expression. And for me it was hearing the cheerful, reassuring voice and the physical act of smiling that lifted my spirits. Hey, I can do that without an audience. So yesterday I experimented with smiling, bouncing on my jogging trampoline, and singing. That definitely worked for me!
A new technique for the toolbox
The interesting thing is I’ve been a bit nervous lately because we’re about to go on a trip and have also just bought our first Mac. Those are both fun things, but a lot to think about. And last night when I was trying to concentrate, my husband kept interrupting because he needed help with something. So I thought of those cubicle workers who face this all of the time, and I started cheerfully talking to myself. “Let’s help him get what he needs so that will be finished, then you can get back to what you were doing. You have plenty of time.” It really worked, and I now have a new mood-lifting/stress-management tool that I can use any time I choose. I will let you know next week if I’ve remembered to do that!
What about you? Do you ever talk to yourself? If so, when do you do it and how does it work for you? Do you ever sing for the sheer joy of it? Please share your thoughts and experience in the comments section.
Thanks to Brian, Shilpan, David, bikehikebabe, Robert, Evelyn, and Daz for commenting on last week’s post.
I hadn’t really thought about how much I talk to myself, but I do it a lot, especially when I’m trying to motivate myself to get back to work.
It will just be something short like “back to work” or “right, that’s enough” at the end of a break.
Also, I’ll often talk difficult concepts through to myself. Not so much in clear words, as “this goes here, and mmmm, and this here.” It makes sense to me.
And I love singing! I do it all the time without even thinking when I’m walking down the street, then I catch myself when someone gives me a funny look.
I’ll have to try talking to myself more often.
David,
I’m talking to myself a lot more already. It does energize me.
I don’t sing in public…I sing off-key, so that was trained out of me a long time ago. But I can sing any time I want here at home.
I used to skip a lot at work and got some strange looks, but people got used to it. At home I use my jogging trampoline instead. We live in a second-floor apartment, and the trampoline is more considerate of our neighbors downstairs.
It’s amazing how liberating a little self-expression can be.
Thanks for coming by!
oh yeah, I have an internal dialog that spouts out audibly from time to time!
Mystics and Bill Hicks have long surmised that matter is actually a manifestation of a cosmic vibration. By creating sounds to represent things we actually create things!
Daz,
Thanks for reminding me that chanting is one form of meditation. A simple one I sometimes use (when I remember) is to repeat the word Shalom, dragging out the vowels…Sha-a-a–Loh-oh-ohm. It’s fun and amazingly effective. Thanks for coming by!
Daz,
In my latest post at Transforming Stress I mention I’m using a biofeedback device called the StressEraser. Thanks to your reminding me, I’m now chanting Oh-oh-ohm on my exhale. It works just fine and is more fun than counting. Thanks!
LOL, I love to sing… in my bathroom =), everyday after work, that releases my stress and tiredness, that’s lifting my spirit.
It’s true, many Christian speaker that I know also taught me a lot about repeating and speaking out loud God’s promises, That’s really powerful.
Cheers,
Robert
For as long as I can remember, I have always talked to myself -silently and out loud.
I find that when I talk out loud, and only my dog hears me, I can really say it how I feel it, and then I’ll know whether it’s my truth or I’m just trying to create a reality.
Over many years, even before it became ‘in’ to have positive self-talk, I would action the premise:
“If I can’t say anything nice, best not to say anything at all.”
I applied that to myself as well as to others.
Not only do I sing a lot when I am alone, I also dance a lot.
Love the articles.
All the best,
Jean,
I believe that we are all talking to ourselves in some capacity. Some of us are more conscious than others about this natural process that occurs similar to breathing. By becoming conscious, we increase awareness about our soul and our surroundings. Great post as usual.
Do not forget to visit my site when time permits.
Thanks
Shilpan
Robert,
I think it’s great that you sing regularly. I’m surprised that I had been forgetting to do it. It’s such a simple and powerful thing. 🙂 Glad you have more sense than I was having.
Gloria,
Good for you for keeping your self-talk positive. A lot of people have trouble with that. And you bring up a great point–often we don’t know what we really believe unless we write our thoughts down or say them out loud. Then another part of us listens and asks, “Do I really believe that?” I think the human mind is fascinating.
Shilpan,
🙂 I have visited your site again, and I love your Thoreau quote: “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” Amen to that! Thanks for sharing it with us.
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I am always talking to myself. I do it so often I am not even aware I am doing it most of the time until someone starts giving me strange looks or comments about it.
Thanks for the link, David, and for coming by, Chelle. It’s easier to deal with strange looks when we know the advantages of talking to ourselves, isn’t it?
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I used to sing and dance around the house until i started
having health problems where I know longer can walk very
well and I miss it,but I do like the concept of talking,maybe
when I pray I will start praying out loud,thanks for your
help