The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.
—Albert EinsteinMystery is at the heart of creativity. That, and surprise.
—Julia CameronThose who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life.
—Rachel Carson
I’ve always been a bust at arguing…my curiosity gets in the way. I remember being mowed down by my sister (15 months older than I) when we were kids. When we had a disagreement, she was always convinced she was right, and she never backed down. I would throw away my own power by stopping to listen…by trying to understand her point of view, compare it with mine and figure out what was really true. People with a scientific mindset aren’t called wimps for nothing. Certainty has power behind it.
So, it was frustrating to lose, but I wasn’t about to limit my view of life just to win an argument. It would have been locking myself into a mental prison.
I cheerfully admit, looking at the world with wide-eyed wonder isn’t the best way to impress people. But that’s a small price to pay for being free. Oh, I developed a salable skill (creative problem solving) and at times I’ve played the role of a professional, but deep in my heart I’ve never giving up the joy of seeing the world as a fascinating, mysterious place. It’s never boring because there’s always something more to learn.
Photo courtesy of NASA, ESA, and A. Nota (STScI/ESA)
I know a lot of people who want to be right and/or to feel superior to other people. That doesn’t make sense to me. I agree with Hobbes, the tiger in Bill Watterson’s cartoons. He and Calvin were outside looking at the night sky, and they were both awed by the majesty of it. Walking back into the house Hobbes said to Calvin, “It makes you wonder why humans think they’re such big, screaming deals.” Amen to that.
So at this site I present ideas as food for thought. I don’t pretend to be an expert or try to convince people to agree with me…if I learn something new about a subject I might very well change my mind. That’s one reason I encourage you to share your views, too. I figure compared to the complexity of the universe, none of us know very much, and I personally think life is more fun if we stay humble, keep that sense of mystery, and share the adventure. Please join me.
This post is a contribution to Robert Hruzek’s writing challenge Metaphors for Life. For me life is a fascinating mystery. What metaphor would you use? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.
I like it when you said “I don’t pretend to be an expert or try to convince people to agree with me…if I learn something new about a subject I might very well change my mind.” I try to adopt the same attitude too. I used to hold on to my ideas, but realise that by doing so, it limits me to explore possibilities. Life becomes predictable and mundane!
Evelyn Lims last blog post..Happy Friendship Day – Sunday August 3, 2008
Jean –
Your candidness and curiosity to know the facts are truly awesome virtues that you possess. I’m deeply moved by your statement, “So at this site I present ideas as food for thought. I don’t pretend to be an expert or try to convince people to agree with me…” So true knowing you as an agent of real and lasting change about the ongoing thought exchange of human potential.
Shilpan
Shilpan | successsoul.coms last blog post..Forrest Gump: How to Build Your Self-Confidence
Jean, curiosity is one of the hallmarks of a truly intelligent person. Without it we’d never know about anything beyond our own little personal universes.
I also believe it’s possible to know some things with certainty. But to try to ram those things down someone else’s throat just isn’t the way to go. Each of us should have the privilege of making up our own minds.
Life is a continuous series of adventures…
Robert Hruzeks last blog post..What I Learned From… Metaphors for Life
LIFE IS “a bowl of cherries” comes to mind. I’ve always said “I hate these mysteries of life” every time I misplaced something that wouldn’t turn up. Now I have a different perspective due to your post. Life is exciting. Life is a challenge. Those resinate with me. But they aren’t metaphors. LIFE IS a symphony. Everybody pulling together, making beautiful music or making it work. Or LIFE IS cacophony. Noise! People against each other and it doesn’t work. Example-wars
P.S. I don’t want to think my life is a challenge. Life is easy. Life is fun 🙂 It’s all in the attitude. I’m changing my attitude. After all everything I do, I want to do.
Evelyn,
I agree. How boring it would be to think we already know everything.
Shilpan.
🙂 Thank you. I’ve been enjoying your blog, too.
Robert,
I agree with you about the importance of curiosity, and that life is one adventure after another.
bikehikebabe,
I love your metaphors, too.
🙂 Thank you all for taking the time to comment.
Hi Jean,
When I read:”People with a scientific mindset aren’t called wimps for nothing.” – I didnt’ “get” it, had to read it a few times til i figured out what you meant.
I’d read the earlier part of that paragraph – about how, even as a little one, you were more interested in finding out about things than about being right- and internally I was saying: “WOW! what an incredibly courageous kid!!” My guess is – your ways didn’t seem/don’t seem courageous to YOU – because you’re IN them…but looking from outside…what you describe is my no means wimpy –
what an incredible post. I’m wondering what it would be like if more people could let winning slide by, in order to see more of the whole picture..wow!
thanks for this
Karen Catersons last blog post..Books ‘N Bees
I love that. Thanks for the article Jean 🙂
Peters last blog post..Eckhart Tolle’s Guide to Writing
And Amen again!
If a person cannot feel humbled and in awe of a clear night sky, well, they should stand beneath it until they do. Sooner or later the mystery will dawn on them — or the morning will 🙂
I like the way you think. Wide-eyed naivete is a good quality of mind to possess. It opens doors to magical experiences — even to a physicist.
Cheers,
John
John Rocheleau – Zen-Momentss last blog post..Happiness is a Yellow Flower
Karen,
Thank you! You made my day.
There’s a lot of prejudice in our society against people who think—there’s something wrong with introverts, we should be focusing on achieving success, not on questioning. Also, Edward de Bono wrote a book entitled I Am Right and You Are Wrong…the title tickles me. He says that intelligent kids are taught to debate issues and to try to win whatever position they take. He urges just the opposite, trying to expand our minds and not rush to judgment. I’m with him and am happy to be a square peg on that one. (I love the title of your blog, Square-Peg Reflections…it’s on my technorati favorite list.)
Peter,
Thanks for coming by. I’m a regular reader of your blog, too.
John,
Actually I think a lot of people go into science because they’re fascinated by the world and want to know more. And new discoveries are being made all the time. A recent one that blows me away is from a study of drug-resistant bacteria. Researchers found some (in soil, I believe) that are not only resistant to antibiotics, they actually eat the drugs. They’re clearly hoping those bacteria don’t manage to transfer that property to bacteria that attack humans. Needless to say, they’re going to continue studying this phenomenon! Who would have guessed it?
About being awed by the night sky…after Hobbes made his “big, screaming deal” remark they went back into the house. Calvin sat down in the easy chair in front of the TV and said, “That’s why we have our appliances.” We humans are great at distracting ourselves, aren’t we?
I’m tickled that I found your blog and have added it to my technorati favorites.
The wisdom of the universe is breath taking.
It is a beautiful place, and if my heart is not overflowing with gratitude for being here, then I still have work to do.
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Bamboo Forest,
I agree…I’m a great believer in gratitude. 🙂
Looking at the world with wide-eyed wonder — that is such an awesome way to see this place where we live!
I just returned from a vacation, where we ended up basically away from any civilization. And as the days turned into night, I was in awe of our amazing sky full of stars – brighter than I’ve ever seen. And it’s moments like this that really make the mystery of life seem so awesome.
So, I’m all for remaining humble, and keeping that sense of mystery alive. Sometimes it’s easy to forget about it, in our day to day lives. But we need to remember how incredible this world is.
Lances last blog post..Simple Fun
Lance,
I’m glad you had a chance to experience that reminder. It sounds like it was a wonderful vacation. I enjoyed the pictures on your blog. 🙂
Society, no matter where, insists on labeling everything and putting a value on each label. This leads to all sorts of distortions in perceptions and relationships. Take the words, love, success, failure etc. These are loaded with all sorts of misconceptions unless the recipient has full knowledge of the context and background. So, to live one’s life in a relaxed and comfortable way, avoiding the use of any kind of value system in judging others or things as good or bad, but just different makes a great deal of difference. This is the metaphor that I use and find it extremely comfortable.
rummusers last blog post..Success and Failure.
Hi Jean
Really recognise this, my partner and I are opposites when it comes to discussions: he goes on until there’s one ‘winner’ while I try to get to a consensus. And we both never ‘learn’ – our discussions are ‘endless’ 😉
But fun too, in retrospect. Winners, losers – or the mystery of characters?
Karin H. (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specially in business)
Sharing thoughts…and stories …is a great way for all of us to learn. I am endlessly engaged in online conversations which broadens my knowledge. So much to learn!
Great post Jean – and great comments too.
Jackie Camerons last blog post..Life is like a game of golf
Karin H. There’s no “winner” in your “discussions” (arguments). You’re probably both right.
remmuser,
That’s my approach, too, but most people would fight against it. Most people think in terms of status, being better (or sometimes worse) than other people. And they often want to be right.
Karin,
I’d love to hear some of your discussions. Have you read any of Deborah Tannen’s books about different conversational styles? If I remember correctly, her first one, That’s Not What I Meant!, was about cultural differences. The second one, You Just Don’t Understand, was about the difference in styles between men and women. So I’m guessing you’re describing “the mystery of characters”.
One example Dr. Tannen uses was of an Asian woman married to a fellow from a culture where people argued about things. It was a noisy practice, but that’s the way they connected. Her reaction was to try to make peace, which meant either trying to placate him or else withdrawing. He interpreted that as being rejected. When a counselor explained what was going on, the woman changed and learned to argue back. The husband loved it, and in this case the woman decided it was fun because she understood what was happening and didn’t take the disagreements personally. (I’m not sure that would work in all cases.)
Jackie,
I agree, that’s why this site is about sharing our ideas and our experiences. 🙂
bikhikebabe,
😉 Or both wrong? Or both right and wrong?
LOL, that’s the main problem: according to my partner every discussion has to have a ‘winner’ 😉
Karin H
Karin H.s last blog post..Dreams don’t count when you’re 90!
Hi Jean
No, you don’t 😉 I resolved it now by calling it a ‘meeting of opinions’ (can’t seem toe find the best English word to translate the Dutch one I use to explain the difference to my partner).
We have many ‘meetings of opinion’: we’re a two-man/woman-band running a retail business and decisions have to be made. What also helps now is acknowledging who’s responsible for which area of the business. (That has not resulted in vetos I’m happy to say, just a more relaxed atmosphere during discussions, sorry meetings of opinions)
Karin H
In our arguments/debates, my husband & I might both have agreed, but we were each trying to prove our point to be the “winner”. We weren’t validating each other’s points of view. We were saying “But…” instead of saying “That’s right but also…” When we realized that’s what we were doing, we quit doing it. Arguments are no fun.
Karin,
I’m with you…I don’t play win-lose games. My husband used to feel he always had to be “right”. I wasn’t willing to let him make all of the decisions, which would have been unhealthy for the marriage…I would have been an unrespected helper rather than a partner. We ended up with the same solution as you did…to have different areas of responsibility. That worked out just fine.
bikehikebabe,
I agree. I hate to argue. It still amazes me that some people don’t.
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Collaboration in the dance of life!
There are so many different lifestyle decisions. Communication is one of them. Reading these comments made me realize how much less I try to be right now than when I was younger. Even if I am more likely to BE right now, LOL…..
LongLifes last blog post..I got some problems regarding my son (16) and the thug lifestyle hes puttin out?
LongLife,
It’s a liberating way of being in the world, isn’t it? Thanks for coming by.
I’ve worked with engineers and scientists for over 25 years. You’d expect that the folks who have advanced degrees would be patronizing, condescending know-it-alls. But just the opposite is true. One colleague remarked to me that the more time he spends in school, the less he realizes he knows. I agree.
“To the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name knowledge.” — Ambrose Bierce
“As the island of our knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance.” — John Wheeler
“A person who won’t think has no advantage over one who can’t think.” — Paul Lutus
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Square Peg Guy,
Amen to that! Thanks for coming by. 🙂
Jean, I found this site on a how to commit suicid site. The pain I feel inside is so intence, I dont want to hurt my family. I have a neice and nephew I cant possibly do this to them. But i am in so much emotional pain. I have decided i am not going to take my life at christmas time that would rune that whole time of year for my family. Once christmas is over my thought process will change i dont know i try to talk to people in my life how i feel but no one understands. I was working with a councler he helped me so much then 3 days ago I found out he has been fired. It feels like a death to me, and this i know is what is triggering these feelings of wanting to end my life. I dont know why im wrighting this. there was just a link to you on a site i was visiting to get ideas on what would be the easiest way to end it all.
Val,
Don’t give up yet. If the counselor was helping that’s a good sign. Maybe he can recommend someone else? Or maybe keep counseling you outside of the organization he was working for? Please let us know how it goes.
Oh please Val, don’t think about doing this. If people don’t understand, it’s their problem. Don’t make it yours that they don’t understand.
Jean’s advice about the counselor is right on. He can help you without working for those people who fired him.
Besides a counselor, there is medicine (Can’t call it drugs anymore…that name got a bad rap.)
Val:
I can’t begin to imagine the pain you’re feeling at the moment. And I’m sorry that you feel this way.
At this time of year especially, there are many people in need. You have the potential to help someone by volunteering at a soup kitchen, visiting nursing homes to speak with lonely residents, delivering “meals on wheels” to shut-ins. Your local place of worship can put you in touch with such volunteer opportunities if that’s something you’d consider.
I would hope that, rather than researching ways to end your life, you instead search for ways to improve the lives of others. Even by just adopting a pet, you can make the world a better place.
Peace.
oh my word. this was an unbelievable post and comments!
and to end with the dearest val. will we ever know if val stayed on this world or left by val’s own hand?
i have been in that kind of darkness only once in my life, after bob died. it is a dark unlike any dark there is. deeper than despair. but if you’re lucky, you climb back up. out of it. into the light.
the lighthouse picture is perfect as the beginning of this post.
perhaps it meant to val what it means to ships in the dark sea. someone cares enough to light the way.
you care that much monk.
and now there are tears in my eyes for people like you. and bhb. and little desperate val.
full sails and safe seas to us all.
with love,
tammy j
Tammy, why did Bob die so young?
my darling smoked. if he stayed up long enough (and he was a night person) he smoked at least 3 packs a day.
i didn’t nag. it does no good. he got cancer of the esophagus.
he was beautiful. i mean really beautiful, inside and out. his smile would light up a room. people drew to him like a warm fire draws people to it. we would sometimes just talk til the wee hours of the morning. he was my best friend.
i met him when i was 18 and we lived together for a year before we married. he was 28. when he died he was 43.
when he died i had been married almost half my life. seems really strange. now he’s been gone 32 yrs this year.
i never met anyone i’d rather be with 24/7. he’s on some planet or other, learning and continuing the adventure.
boy will we have some catching up to do!
Tammy thanks for letting us see Bob. Tom doesn’t talk, but he listens (I talk a lot) but only if his brain isn’t occupied–reading, computer.