Every clod feels a stir of might,
And instinct within it that reaches and towers,
And, groping blindly above it for light,
Climbs to a soul in grass and flowers.
—James Russell Lowell
In Honoring Our Comfort Zones, last week’s post over at Transforming Stress, I wrote about an idea being advocated by many personal development blogs, that we should get out of our comfort zones, take more risks in life and not stagnate, not stay “stuck in our ruts”. The gist of my post was to honor the ebb and flow of life, to point out we don’t have to be constantly striving for more. That we need challenge in our lives to be mentally healthy, but that doesn’t mean we need to always be pushing for something new and different. It talked about the importance of explicitly honoring the periods of rest and reflection that our fast-paced, achievement-oriented culture tends to regard as a waste of time.
I’ve been thinking of that a lot this week. The fact is my values are different than those of our culture. I’ve had some achievements in my life, and they were fun, but that’s not what I really care about. That’s not what my life is about. When I think back on the most important moments of my life, they don’t involve achievement and success. They have more to do with relationships and personal challenges, i.e. discovering and living my values. Yesterday at Transforming Stress I wrote about one of the most important periods of my life…helping to nurse my mother as she died of lung cancer. I would scarcely call it a “highlight”, but I’m more grateful I had a chance to be there for her than I am for any achievement I’ve ever had.
The fact is, I don’t worry about stagnating. On the surface my life doesn’t seem to be changing much, but the surface is not where the action is for me. I’m that little clod that James Russell Lowell is talking about, feeling that stir of might and instinct within me. It’s powerful, and it’s more rewarding than any worldly achievement I can think of. No, I’m scarcely “stuck in a rut”.
What about you?
What do you care about? Are there any areas where you feel stuck? What are the challenges in your life right now?
Jean,
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately – how the times of apparent emptiness in life are actually the times of rest, when the growing below the surface happens or the nutrients are replenished, like a fallow field.
I was unwell this weekend, and what I had planned to do couldn’t happen. Instead, I found myself blossoming in many other things – doing little jobs that I had been putting off for ages because they seemed like too much effort, but now that I was stuck in my bed with my laptop, I had the patience to do them.
Perhaps for these people who write the self development blogs you refer to being stuck and still would be out of their comfort zone.
David
David | beplayfuls last blog post..Aspects of Playfulness: Humble Humour
What I care about Jean, as corny as it may sound, is that my wife is comfortable. It is an inexplicable emotion that drives me and keeps me going. I am not stuck doing that. It gives me great pleasure to see that she is comfortable. I use quite a bit of time for things that give ME pleasure too, but the number one priority is that. That is all the only challenge in my life now. I am through climbing mountains. The view from where I am is very nice thank you.
rummusers last blog post..Afraid To Sleep? Frank Sinatra?
David,
I know what you mean…I the idea of fields going fallow is one of my favorite images. I used to love winter because most people around here ski. I don’t, and I was grateful I could take a lot of quiet time during the weekends. What I was doing wasn’t officially “fun”, but it was much more valuable to me.
Now my life is a lot more simple…and even richer.
rummuser,
I think of you and your wife a lot, including while I was writing this post. What you’re saying isn’t corny at all. It’s contrary to what a lot of people think the good life is, and I wrote the post because their definition doesn’t suit me. I was presenting a different, equally valid, way of being in the world. It needs to be heard.
Thank you both for adding to the conversation.
Hi Jean and All,
I definately agree with the rest factor. For the passed few months I feel I have needed a rest. Maybe even longer than that… My husband just had a strem cell transplant and we have major marital issues as well. I have been giving me a rest. During that time I have been reading and painting alot. I feel lately its time to get back to some things especially more work. I did not feel nor did I have the time to work like I used to during all of the care I was needed to give. Being a caregiver is a real challenge. In the passed four years I have done alot of it. I have cared for a stroke patient, my father in law and I have experienced my father’s death. And tried to help my mom with her estate issues. And her own health and stubborness that is combative. She never was someone who visited the doctor and followed advice well. And I have concerns with her copemtency? And my husband having cancer twice. All these things I intergrated into my schedule of normal one…. Each year my working lessoned and I need that to change now. So get back on a better financial track.
I agree being able to be there for somone I love is of more importance. Just holding a hand and being there.
Diane,
It sounds as if you’re going through a lot. It also sounds as if you’re wise enough to take care of yourself. Bless you and good luck! Again, thank you so much for taking the time to comment.
Stuck? There was a time I would have said – Yes I am stuck in a rut!………
But today I realize there really is no such thing as “stuck” as we are always creating our lives moment by moment…
Granted – there are times we keep thinking the same thoughts – hence we keep creating the same thing over and over again…
But we are never stuck – we always have the ability to change the direction of our thought – change what we put our focus on…
When I finally realize that – that we are never stuck… we are always creating — That knowing got me unstuck and has kept me appreciating this fantastic journey called life!
Thanks for a though provoking post!
Ellie Walsh – Living the Law of Attractions last blog post..Presidential Election – Financial Crisis – – Chill Out!
Ellie,
Yes! That’s the point of the post. 🙂
Jean,
I wrote a post about what is right with my life, just yesterday.
I really rarely feel stuck. Between working on a new startup and caring for my kids, life is just wonderful. Hardships come and go, but somehow life just keeps on keeping beautifully 🙂
Mayas last blog post..What’s RIGHT with your life?
Wonderful article Jean. It really brings home the point I know you’re trying to make – that we don’t have to be reaching the next “great thing” to have a happy and fulfilled life. And it is true. While those moments can be exhilarating, they are many times just that – moments. What lasts? It is the relationships we have, it is listening to our heart. That’s a real gift you have, to share this concept with me, and remind me that it’s not always about the next big achievement. It’s about looking within, really looking, to see what it is that matters to me. Thank you…
Lances last blog post..Life’s A Balancing Act
Thanks for this post. One thing I overlooked for a long time was that relaxation is actually outside my comfort zone. Learning to take naps and do similar things was one of the most difficult accomplishments in my personal growth journey. And they also happen to be the moments of my strongest creative inspiration.
Maya,
“I really rarely feel stuck.” That’s the important thing for me. Hardships do come, but as long as we’re rooted in our values we have options, we’re not helpless.
I’m glad your daughter turned out to be healthy and that your life is going so well right now. I left a comment on your post:
“Being depressed was one of the best things that happened to me when I was a kid. It taught me a lot and gave me enough motivation for the rest of my life. I’m certain if I hadn’t experienced that I wouldn’t have as much joy in my life now.
On the other hand, I don’t always choose to focus on how great my life is. At the moment I’m mourning for my husband’s brother who is going through a painful treatment for cancer. That’s appropriate, too. Shadows are as an important part of life as the sunshine is.”
What do you think about shadows?
Thank you so much for joining the conversation and for your great posts.
Lance,
Thanks! For me the important thing is to know when I need a new challenge and then take on a project for the excitement of the process rather than just the results. I do love some challenges. But as you say, we have to look within and trust ourselves to know when the time is right.
Chris,
Good for you for understanding what works for you. I agree about relaxation being conducive to (necessary for?) creativity. When I can arrange it, I lie in bed in the morning playing with ideas. I think that’s why I love Seabiscuit ( http://cheerfulmonk.com/2008/09/22/is-this-really-the-best-use-of-my-time/ ) so much…he loved to sleep and still managed to do just fine. He’s a great antidote to my childhood training. 🙂
You are so right – we are obsessed with being productive, stiving and overachieving. As I was reading and reflecting here, you got me thinking of an interesting question: What if moving to the ebb and flow and enjoying life is getting out of their comfort zone? Do we spend so much time running that to actually enjoy life would me we are moving out of our places of comfort? I’ve got to ponder on this one a little more. Thanks for sparking this within me.
B. Wildes last blog post..Being Volunteered to Shovel-out the Barn
Jean,
I think personal development bloggers usual blog for those seeking to move on from a rut for one reason or another. I know I wanted to move on from depression and a host of limiting issues in my life for the last few years. Mainly it was about my Inner Work, because the Outer Stuff was in that “fallow stage” for sure. I grew OK with that, but it took some time because “Productivity” is the mantra of my family.
I agree, though, that “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.”
SpaceAgeSage – Loris last blog post..Yes, I survived the week-long media fast — and learned lots!
You are all Awesome, here !!!
B. Wilde,
I think you’re right…I’ve known people who always have to be busy and under pressure. In some cases they seem to need the adrenaline rush as much as they do their caffeine.
Lori,
I was lucky enough to be depressed when was a kid…that taught me what I did NOT want in life. Also my father hated his job, so I worked hard so I could find work that stimulated me and fed my soul.
I think it’s great that you recognize the importance of inner work and have broken away, are breaking away, from the idea of always having to be “productive”. I’ve had to work on that myself. I was the “lazy” one in the family because I liked to think and study. Better to be labeled than to go bonkers, I say. 🙂
Diane,
I’m so glad you have joined us. 🙂
Always needing to be positive is a rut too – often imbued with hefty attachment to thoughts, emotions etc.
What do I care about? Deep connection, getting to the heart of something. Sometimes this is figuring out a problem or investigating a topic. The most satisfying is deeply connecting with another.
The growing edge for me at the moment is making money doing what I love. I hope blogging is a way to do this. At the moment I don’t know that it is possible but I’m going to find out.
Hi Jean,
I did not talk about the shadows, but nobody escapes shadows… It is an integral part of having the sunshine in our lives, isn’t it?
I am so sorry about your husband’s brother. But I totally understand. In my life, acknowledging the shadows is very very important….to me it is about respecting whatever life puts us through. And when under a shadow there is not much sunshine ….
But I try to remember that the shadows are temporary. As we move into the future the shadows of the past will and have to shrink …and the sun will shine. In retrospect shadows always show us the little things that get lost in the glare of the harsh sun ….
Hang in there …the shadows will pass and reveal a new you once they pass.
Thank you for leading me down this journey ….
Evan,
I agree: “Always needing to be positive is a rut too.” I’m also like you in caring about deep connection…in relationships with other people, with the deepest part of myself, and in solving problems. I just faced up to the upcoming (in the US) switch from analog to digital TV transmissions. At the moment we can get both, but in February the analog goes away. I’ll write a bit more about this in next Monday’s post, but the challenge was to be able to record TV programs and view them on our analog TV. In fact, I have two recorders hooked up to my TV now, and I wanted to be able to do the same thing after the transition. It required a bit of thinking, but it’s the kind of problem I love to solve.
Good luck in finding a way to support yourself doing what you love. That’s so important.
Maya,
Thanks for the encouragement, but in fact I have sunshine as well as shadows in my life right now. In What I Learned From Losing Loved Ones, over at Transforming Stress, I talked about when my best friend, my uncle and my mother died within 7 weeks of one another and I helped nurse my mother as she died. That period wasn’t all shadow by any means. I wasn’t trying to go through it to get back to joy, I felt privileged to be there. In fact some of my memories of deep joy come from that time.
Thank you so much for continuing the conversation!
Hi All,
I love your comment, Jean about not missing a moment with your mom.
And Maya, is shadows when we enter self-doubt sometimes?
Or uncertainty about what the future might hold in our lives.
I read your work the other day and it was so honest and it beautifully articulated how hard it is to hold onto the right stuff. And cling to the ones that can support you not add to the uncertainty.
Oh Diane!! It is you who stopped by my other blog. Thank you for your wonderful note you left there.
You read me very well. Certainly, those are the times I am referring to when I say shadows …
I am glad I found you … I was a little sad that I could not recall a Diane I know…I know you now! It sounds like you have been through a lot, but it also sounds like you are getting back on track. It is awesome.
Jean, thank you for sharing your life in your short yet powerful posts and making way for such wonderful conversation.
Diane, Maya and All,
Thank you for participating in a real conversation! That’s what I want my blogs to be about.
Hi Maya, Jean and All,
Thanks! You’re awesome!
Thanks for this post and question Jean. It is timely for me to ponder. I agree it’s not just about doing more. I think that’s a trap I can fall into. I do however know that being complacent or full of apathy is a death warrant for me. Stillness is good. Time out is good. Resting is good. But it’s the downright unwillingness to lean forward into my life that I desire to change.
To go with the beautiful quote in the start of your post, I feel that power in the clod of earth within me. And yet I know I am prone to also be that farmer who stands in the middle of his field, in tears because of those crops layed over unwatered, the ones strangled in knee high weeds, the bare ground never planted, and yes… the crops too that grow beautifully and will soon be ready to harvest.
Matt Zavadils last blog post..Secret Male Ritual
Matt,
So what do you really care about? What’s holding you back? I’m a great believer in the optimizing stress/challenge curve. I need a certain amount of challenge in my life, but it has to be something that I love to do. I’ve mentioned this before, but my motto is
“Stay curious and open to life. No matter what happens, keep learning and growing. Find what you love to do and find a way to share it with others.”
What do you love to do? I would love to hear more.
this post was beautiful monk.
my mother also died of lung cancer. we were always close, especially after my father died. but we became even closer as i was free to spend all her last days with her. my gram was there in the nighttime so i could be with bob. but i spent my days with her. little did i know that it would be ‘practice’ for taking care of my bob five short years later. it actually helped me i’m sure!
i love the words of james russell lowell.
i used to worry that i was an underachiever. i no longer worry about such things. if i am in a rut, it’s just where i want to be. i listen to my own drummer now.