This month’s topic for Robert Hruzek’s writing challenge is What I Learned From Adversity. Hey, I can do that. As the saying goes, it’s a piece of cake. I’ve been plagued “blessed” with chronic eyestrain since I was a kid. That means if I read (or drive) too much my eyes not only start to ache, I also get fierce headaches and get dizzy. If I’m bullheaded enough to keep going they stop focusing for a while and can be utterly useless for days. It was especially bad in college. It was hard to enjoy the blessings of taking long walks when everyone else was studying for exams.
I haven’t had a bad episode for years, so I must be doing something right. Oh, sometimes I wish I could sit down and read a good book from cover to cover or that I could drive more, but mostly I can figure out how to do what I want to do.
Welcome Adversity? Are You Kidding?
It’s hard to argue with Robert when he writes:
Hey, nobody loves adversity, right? I mean, sure, there’s all that stuff about welcoming adversity because there’s probably a lesson to be learned from it. Yada, yada, yada.
I mean, c’mon; who really welcomes it into their lives?
BUT (and that’s a really BIG ‘but’), the fact remains that adversity is still one of the best teachers I know.
Or, to put it more simply:
If you have to go through the pain you might as well get something out of it.
I’ve told myself that more than once. 
Finding the Treasure
I agree with the people who call that something the “treasure” of the experience. I like the term because it means we sometimes have to go digging. It usually doesn’t jump up and bite us on the nose.
So what’s been the treasure for me?
- I’ve learned to plan ahead. If my eyes are involved at all then waiting until the last minute isn’t an option. I can never completely trust my eyes, and the stress of time-pressure is guaranteed to cause them to have a fit.
- I’ve learned to read less and think more. That’s one of the reasons I majored in physics…it required a lot of thinking and creative problem solving but had a light reading load. It’s also one of the reasons I’m so interested in behavior modification and personal growth…I always have my own subject to observe and experiments to perform. It’s a minimal burden on my eyes.
- I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. Now-a-days there are audio books which weren’t available to me when I was younger. And there are a lot of projects I can work on now without hitting a brick wall as soon as I start building momentum. Computers in particular have been a blessing. Because I can stand back from the screen and expand the font size, I can do a lot more work on a computer than I can on the printed or written page. I’ll never take that for granted.
What About You?
Have you ever found treasure in adversity?
Thanks to Mike, Evan, Evelyn, Jody, Laurie, suzen, Conrad, rummuser, Tess and Scott for commenting on last week’s post.
37 comments ↓
I’ve learned to step back and ask what I want to do. Also if there is anything I can do and are there ways to look after myself.
Actually, Jean; adversity doesn’t usually bite me in an area THAT high off the ground, if you get my meanin’!
I’ve always admired the way you’ve met your challenges head-on. But the reward is a life lived with gusto, ain’t it? You’re a hero, Jean!
Robert Hruzeks last blog post..What I Learned From… Adversity
I’ve learned that when things are not going as well in my life then it’s time to put more attention, time and caring into my relationships.
Thanks for the thoughtful post!
Laurie | Express Yourself to Successs last blog post..Thoughts Well Said
My adversity is that I don’t have a happy childhood, I grew up in an environment where children’s feeling are taken for granted… But because of that, I learned to treasure my son’s well-being. And I am doing my best to be a better person for him and to give him a happy childhood memories.
Marthas last blog post..Siemens U.S. Scholarship Programs
The first thing I’ve learned to do is look for the lesson. I want to deal with and move on quickly.
I’ve learned from adversity that I’m strong, I will survive, I can receive help, I can laugh my way through it, I can relate to others who are struggling, I can have compassion for myself.
Tess The Bold Lifes last blog post..Magic Mondays = 1/7 of Your Life
Adversity for me was divorced parents in a time and place where divorce was very much the exception, being left with my grandparents when my Mom went chasing off cross country after a broken relationship, and, five years later, going from the middle class of my grandparent’s home in Nebraska to the very real poverty of my mom’s home in Texas.
Some of that adversity still haunts me to this day, but it also helped me make decisions that have been generally beneficial.
Mikes last blog post..The Sun Has Lost Its Spots — Part 2
Well this is timely, ok I got your email yesterday but it didn’t get read!
I have been emailed a reply about a survey I may be selected for about my adversities whilst studying at Uni and it’s associated with the Disabilities dept.
I born with a few things outside of normal body movements and so on. One is hereditary and the other ‘just is’. Both cause problems but not usually together!
Hereditary severe hand tremor. I’m unlucky, my sister has it in either hand and I’m afflicted with ‘one size fits all, both!’….many people don’t notice it at first but then suddenly they will.
A couple of weeks ago a pal wanted to help me butter my scone, actually it was probably the plastic knife that was causing most of my problems but he also insisted it was getting the butter out of one of those little packages!
Just yesterday, my long time pal of 40yrs ++ said whilst we were drinking coffee (out of paper sipper cups) “I don’t usually say anything but boy, you’ve got the shakes bad today”….
There are lots of things, that I find difficulties with…going out for coffee and finding that the china cups/small handles and me don’t work. I rarely take a saucer which leaves kitchen staff wondering if they have lost the plot (did I put a cup on that one!) Measuring out small stuffs i.e. exact amount of baking soda etc….i.e. fine motor skills.
My other disability has caused me a great deal of grief over the years. Balance! I can’t for example just walk without looking in most places – people run over grassy areas with no problems but if my foot/s find a dip they just tip right over…taking me with them! sprained ankle is usual form then. I have to be careful on stairs ’cause if my foot slides – I will follow directly more damage sustained!
I’m not sooooooooo bad now since, I was invited by a very cute physio to get better walking shoes. I wear Brooks black leather all year round!
BUT most of the time, I just get on with life, taking into account that something might trip me up…I often make flippant comments about “too much drink” but that isn’t usually the case
Evan,
Yes. Stepping back is an essential first step.
Robert,
You made my day.
About where adversity bites— the psychologist Karen Honey said problems aren’t bad if they propel you from behind like a motorboat. They only cause trouble if they choke you around the neck. An occasional kick in the rear may not be pleasant, but it’s not always a bad thing.
Laurie,
I agree, when things aren’t going well we have to step out of our automatic behavior and thoughts and pay more attention.
Martha,
You’re definitely not alone there. It’s fine to do that for your son, but don’t forget the old saying, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” I’m enjoying my second one more than I did my first.
Tess,
A study years ago found that the happiest people in the US were over 70. They had been through so much that they knew they could handle anything that happened to them. They also had experienced enough hardship to appreciate their blessings. It sounds as if you’re already learned that.
Mike,
Divorce is really hard on kids even today, when it’s common. My heart goes out to you.
I’m guessing that one reason you’re reasonably well-off today is because of your experience with poverty when you were a kid. My husband and I were both relatively poor growing up, so we’ve always lived below our means. We don’t take things for granted.
Cathy,
Thanks for telling us about your challenges. I was thinking of you when I wrote this post. I didn’t know exactly what you were dealing with, but I knew you had more than your share. Good for you for not giving up.
“And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, Ill say it clear,
Ill state my case, of which Im certain.
Ive lived a life thats full.
Ive traveled each and every highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Regrets, Ive had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.
I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Yes, there were times, Im sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.
Ive loved, Ive laughed and cried.
Ive had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.
To think I did all that;
And may I say – not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.
For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!”
I do not know if my end is near or far, but this song, sung by my favourite singer Frank Sinatra, said it all for almost all of us. Who would not like to say that this is what his or her life is all about?
Adversity for me was a broken home and a mother who desperately needed her children to succeed. Against my natural inclination, I studied while working, obtained my graduate degree and went to a prestigious Business School, got employed grew and finaly retired. Made my mother happy alright and cocked a snook at a whole lot of others who said that I would never amount to anything in life.
Along the way, I battled two bust hip joints, lived with agonizing pain and discomfort for near six years, got them replaced, grew further in corporate life, retired, battled with another major problem, got my hips revised as they had worn out and recently, lost my wife who was with me all through most of these “adversities”, and ran our home in my absence due to my career’s demands.
I am still doing it my way. Or is it the way that all of us mortals do?
rummusers last blog post..Colour Bias.
rummuser,
Well put!
“Or is it the way that all of us mortals do?” I, for one, am grateful that in spite of adversity we’ve been privileged and had/have choices. At the moment I’m watching War of the Century, about the German-Soviet conflict during World War II. Around 1944, when the fighting was intense, Hitler was still using resources to exterminate the Jews and Stalin was deporting whole ethnic groups to Siberia…including those members who were fighting on the front lines for Russia.
One of my former colleagues was a Dachau survivor. Needless to say, he didn’t take his life for granted. And I, like you, have been influenced by Viktor Frankl. It helps to put things in perspective, doesn’t it?
rummuser,
How common were broken homes when you were a child? Was it an arranged marriage? I had assumed divorces were less frequent years ago.
There was no divorce. It was messy triangular situation about which I shall post when the last player is no longer among us. Indians are not all that goody goody as one is led to believe. We have our share of skulduggery going on, covertly and in some cases quite brazenly overt. Indians too are human Jean! The actors in that drama also are likely to say “did it my way”!
rummusers last blog post..Are we losing our sense of humour?
Sorry, I did not address your main question. No divorces were not common then. But broken homes were as common as they are now with divorces. Perhaps the correct description would have been dysfunctional. In any case, my parents’ marriage,
eventually did break up.
rummusers last blog post..Are we losing our sense of humour?
rummuser,
Thanks. Actually I didn’t think all Indians were goody goody. I’ve read horror stories about how some wives were/are treated.
Once when I was teaching Sunday school to some 11-year-olds I told them about the practice of sati (suttee). One girl looked defiant and said, “I would never do it.” I explained she wouldn’t have a choice and she looked shocked. “Well that sucks!” she answered.
I just read in Wikipedia that the Greeks believed the practice was started to prevent wives from poisoning their husbands. No, I don’t have an idealized image of Indians any more than of other people.
Phew! Thank Heavens for that. There I was thinking that you were putting us all onto pedestals! Strictly between you and me though, I just wish that we could be a little wilder! You know more like the Mediterranean people.
rummusers last blog post..Bias Of A Different Kind – The Tear Drop.
Or the Brazilians!
Evans last blog post..Pagan and Christian
rummuser,
Are there any areas of India where the people are more wild and fun-loving? Do those two terms go together in your mind? Most Americans seem to think so. I somehow imagine the severe class-consciousness might be loosening up with the new economic opportunities. Are you seeing something like that?
I’ve ordered Slumdog Millionaire from Netflix but it may be a long wait. I get the impression it gives the feeling of vitality, presumably the opposite of stuffiness. And a front-page article in the Wall Street Journal today says India is defying the global economic slump, and that’s because of economic growth in the poor rural states. That’s encouraging.
Evan,
I’ve never been to Brazil but when I think of it I think of sun, beaches and parties. I have been to Australia (Darwin, Alice Springs and the East coast) and I remember the sunshine and playing in the water the most. It was a fun time. I especially remember taking a water skiing lesson the morning we flew out. I left my shoes in the shuttle when it took us back to our motel, so when we took a taxi to the airport we had to stop at a shoe store on the way.
I loved the informality in Australia. It was that way in California where I grew up.
Do you think Australians have a “national character”? Do you notice regional differences?
Hi Jean,
Yes, I think Australians do have a national character. It is informal and sceptical (especially of authority). If someone claims expertise an Australian will wait and see what they can do. There is a common sense pragmatism that can be quite limiting with regard to cultural pursuits or pure research.
This is quite different to the sales and marketing culture of the US.
It is also quite different to hierarchical structure based on position. It is quite different to India (and other Asian societies) and averse to the gurus (different to the US).
Australians can also be quite defensive about attacks on Australia. Being an island and a fairly cultural homogenous one we can also be quite insensitive to cultural differences – the overseas crass Australian has its truth.
I’d be interested to know if this matches your experience of Australia.
Evans last blog post..Pagan and Christian
Evan,
Yes, it does match my experience. I felt at home there. I loved the informality, and I too am very skeptical of authority, hate hierarchies and am adverse to gurus.
On the other hand, I do value pure research. Someone tried to insult me once by saying, “You’re a scholar!” He meant I like learning for its own sake, not for any pragmatic benefit. Well, yes, I do. I took that as a compliment, which did not make him happy.
I must say, I can’t really understand the American tendency to worship celebrities and gurus. I’m even turned off by blogs where the author sets himself/herself up as an expert. That’s not my style. I prefer the attitude “this is what works for me, what works for you?”
You say there is less emphasis on sales and marketing in Australia. I assume businesses advertise? Do you know if there’s a difference in the way they do it there vs. here in the US?
Thanks!
Australians don’t value Arts degrees either!
Australian advertising is pretty much modeled on US ways of doing things. The Australian reaction is to dismiss alot of it as ‘hype’. I guess this is similar in the US (?)
An example of what I mean. There is a chat show on radio (Late Night Live) which interviews people from around the world. If the guest is from the US they will be there to sell their book (or theory or whatever) while if they are British or Australian they will tend to discuss the topic of the book (or whatever). Not always the case of course but the difference can be quite marked. Australians tend to undersell themselves (and from an Australian point of view Americans tend to oversell themselves).
Hope this makes sense.
Evans last blog post..Pagan and Christian
Evan,
I certainly agree that Americans tend to oversell themselves. I also think there is social pressure to do that. I’ve read articles saying women often don’t get ahead in business because they’re too willing to work extra hours, go the extra mile, etc. They don’t spend enough time selling themselves, making sure they get credit for what they do. How dumb is that?
Thanks for the example about the chat show.
I do think that many of us do filter out the hype in advertising. My daughter wasn’t allowed to watch much TV when she was little, but when she did see ads my husband would always ask, “What do you think they’re selling? How are they trying to get your money?”
rummuser,
I’ve been thinking more about your comment about the Mediterraneans. What exactly do you mean by “wild”? I’ve recently listened to some audio books by Peter Mayle about his life in Provence. There was a lot of emphasis on enjoying food and wine rather than being obsessed with success. It was refreshing but it didn’t strike me as wild. It was more about enjoying the simple things in life. They were a nice contrast to self-development blogs that encourage people to be great rather than just “mediocre”.
Jean, class makes no difference, nor religion nor caste. If people want to have fun, they do, overtly or covertly. There is much more of the overt stuff now a days in the cities where ‘normal’ values are very rapidly breaking down. I am perceived to be an anachronism for being the way I am, though just a decade ago, I was thought of as a rebel! I have my fun just witnessing all that is happening and counseling when some young misguided soul lands in grief and looks for broad shoulders to cry on, or deep pockets to dip into.
rummusers last blog post..Light At The End Of The Tunnel.
Jean,
My adversity was desperately wanting a mate in my life to share so much that was unfolding – and being unable to find one. I was 31 when my wife and I met, but it seemed like it took an eternity to get there. I always felt the low moan of loneliness, even if I was surrounded by friends.
I had dalliances. Quite a few. But, I was made to share life with one person and I couldn’t find her. So, what did I get out of that? Experience that is invaluable and best not gone through with another person. Feeling that there is no need to ever look elsewhere for joy or interest, because I’ve been there, done that. A base of understanding that I can bring to the relationship as we build new understandings together.
I came into the marriage fully acquainted with me. So…I wanted to know her!
Conrads last blog post..Sometimes…It’s Just Your Time!
rummuser,
Yes, I can imagine that having broad shoulders, deep pockets and a generous spirit makes you very popular.
From rebel to anachronism in just ten years…I would love to hear more about the rebel, being one myself.
Conrad,
A fellow named Earnie Larsen says a relationship is like a tightrope between two poles. It can’t be stronger than the weakest pole. So if we want a strong relationship we can only work on ourselves and be prepared if the right person comes along. It sounds as if you did just that.
When I was studying the Enneagram someone asked given her type what type should she marry. The answer: “A mature person of any type.” Amen to that!
I think the most difficult adversity is the kind you have faced and overcome, the kind that is chronic, that denies the solace of eventual dissipation or conquest.
Terros last blog post..Agressive Action?
Terro,
You can understand why I don’t believe in the Law of Attraction, and why I think we can live good lives without it.
rummuser, I’m about to get a hip replacement too. I’ll remember that you survived– the pain.
Cathy in NZ, Why are you buttering your scone? Scones are already too greasy.
Guess what ! bikehikebabe……you have just made me realise that ‘our scone’ is not ‘your scone’
I believe you call them ‘biscuits’…..
However that in turn leads to ‘your biscuits’ are not ‘our biscuits’
I think you call ‘our biscuits’ ……’your cookies’
language stuff! amazing how we all supposedly speak, write, read English but then we have all these unusual words which are just normal wherever we may roam
Jean,
can’t remember which week were talking about Bluetooth Dragon Naturally speaking accessory
It finally arrived, not from Australia where I thought Digital River was but all the way from Andover, MN in the USA…..then it needed a DVD drive for the version 10 upgrade which of course I didn’t have!
So it was installed yesterday and finally after much fiddling, cursing, then oh the manual, more fiddling and cursing to the machinery to hear and transcribe my voice!
it’s much more comfy to wear and there is ‘no cord attaching me to computer’……at one point I thought to make coffee and I took it off! To realise I could go places in the house with it still attached.
I am going to try and use it more often but first I needed to have some info about where I could put the plantronics wireless plug in – will now have to fiddle about ?tomorrow finding a slot at the back of the box! Because if I want to use my memory stick – the TWO cannot go into on ‘slot’
when my computer whiz was here dealing with the DVD contraption he was telling me I needed to upgrade my monitor and maybe even my printer! Neither will get upgraded at this point unless for some reason either feels the need to get sick! touch wood they don’t
I think it was Oscar Wilde who said that England and the US were two nations separated by a common language.
Cathy,
Thanks for the update. Your story was timely because I spent most of yesterday trying to figure out how I can make my weekly videos for our local public access station on my Mac. I’m all set up on my PC to do that, but eventually would like to do everything on my Mac. As far as I can tell Imovie is designed to make movies to be sent over the internet and viewed on smaller screens, so it happily sacrifices resolution for speed. I need higher quality, something that doesn’t look like garbage when viewed on a TV. I tried all of their options and couldn’t fin a satisfactory one. So I ordered another program, but just in case I will phone Apple to make sure they haven’t applied the same philosophy there!
One thing about computers…they give us plenty of chance to practice our patience.
Plenty actually. Repeated failures to achieve standards on the academic front kept me motivated to find my area of forte. I finally did find it. A job that involved tons of work, very little pay and a negative environment taught me a lot and the experience proved invaluable. Everything is an experience, whether it is good or bad depends on how one interprets it.
It was nice to come accross your blog. Looking forward to visiting this blog more often in the future.
Ashok,
Thank you for coming by. I agree, we can learn a great deal from situations we don’t like…and they can be very motivating. I hope you’ve found an environment that is more satisfying.
Ashok’s “Everything is an experience” I like that.
“I can’t believe I did that again!” at the top of this post—
I went out to cut scrub oak on our property, but set my shears down to do something intermittently. I spent 10 minutes looking for them. Can’t believe I did that—again. Must remember to remember when I set things down. But I’ve learned from Jean, “All you can do is laugh”, which I did, instead of kicking myself.
bikehikebabe,
I’ve been mislaying things lately too. It just means I’ve been trying to do too much at the same time. Easily corrected. Thanks for adding to the conversation.
Hi Cathy in NZ, Grannymar sent me this video about making Irish scones after I quoted you in her blog about the difference between scones, biscuits, & cookies according to what country you live in.
You’ll have to copy & paste to see it.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77gvAn-fBIk
now that’s soooooooooo darn kewl! You-tube such an interesting way to show the world how should do things lately for hungry watching those scones being made!
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