Integrity vs Despair?

According to Eric Erickson, people between the ages of about 65 and death go through the “integrity vs despair” phase.

During the integrity versus despair stage, people reflect back on the life they have lived and come away with either a sense of fulfillment from a life well lived or a sense of regret and despair over a life misspent.

Judging from the comments to Rummuser’s, Wisewebwoman’s, and this blog’s post about excitement, most of us aren’t spending that much time looking backwards. I certainly am aware that Andy and I will be facing a lot more changes in the next few years, and there’s a good chance one of us will lose the other, but no sense despairing about it. Just do the best we can with what we have left, enjoy what we have while we still have it, and, for me, keep working on grit/stress-hardiness/resilience.

Tuesday at the eye doctor’s we saw a couple we know — he’s 92 and she’s 89. I just phoned today to find out how the visit went with her because a couple of weeks ago when I saw her she said the shots hadn’t stabilized her eye so they were trying something else. He answered the phone and said apparently it’s going well now and in fact she was gone all afternoon having a good time playing with her recorder group. I checked to make sure he was okay, and he said he was going downhill, of course, but things are still going well. He appreciated the call.

So no despair and only looking backwards there either.

Wisewebwoman says in her senior complex

One 92 yo starts each day (in tights and leotard) waltzing through the meandering vast halls. 🙂

I doubt that any of us will be doing that, and that’s fine too. It does warm my heart to think of it.


 

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7 Responses to Integrity vs Despair?

  1. Diane Dahli says:

    Things are definitely changing for us as well. My husband had a medical situation this fall that concerned us a great deal. But he came through fine and we are looking forward to many more years together. We don’t waste time on regrets and despair—every day is valued and precious! I really liked this post. It was very timely for me!

    • Jean says:

      I’m glad you liked it!

    • Jean says:

      Do you find you and your husband are getting even closer? That’s how it’s working for us. On my own I drive only around our little town because the two images from my eyes are different enough that my brain has to do a lot of work to interpret what I’m seeing. That doesn’t leave much attention for seeing speed signs, keeping track of the speedometer, reacting fast if something goes wrong, etc . But when Andy gets his eyes dilated for exams it’s better that I drive home from Santa Fe. When I was driving Tuesday afternoon he was giving me advance warning about speed zones, lane changes because of construction, etc. It made a huge difference, I told him we make a great team. He said that becomes more and more important as time goes on. For me that closeness and teamwork makes up for a lot.

  2. Cindi says:

    I haven’t reached that age group yet but I find myself lately obsessed with the thought that I must make some changes very soon, so that I’m not in despair later in life.
    😉

  3. I’m not quite in despair but the recent medical events of my own, has had been severely looking at my life. My fitness particularly in core arena has gone down the tubes that because the recent surgery dealt a blow to them…with their “knife”…

    I dropped into a small private gym this morning (I used to be a bit of a gym bunny about a decade ago) to inquire on what was on offer. But also saying I probably couldn’t take up anything as I was having some surgical issues…but thought to see what their take was on things. As he showed me around, after a short chat, we went down stairs to where the bigger stuff is (still with little weights for the likes of me) and there was a friend of mine, who is into gym/fitness in a big way…I don’t who was more surprised!!!

    I knew my friend went there, but didn’t expect to see him, actually I didn’t see him first off, he saw me in a huge bank of mirrors…

    As I waited looking at the bus board outside he came out…seemed pleased I was going to sort out strength issues and seemed to be saying “I’ll be there for you, messenge me if you decide to join”

    the cost is pretty reasonable, and when the gym manager discovered I was a senior the cost was even further down. I can get there on a bus and back…so it would be the best option. Anyway, have to get through next medical “thing” before I can even do this…so possibly not until late Dec.

    • Jean says:

      Good for you for trying to get the exercise you can safely do. It’s so important. And good luck with the next medical “thing”.

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