In a recent post, Wisewebwoman wrote,
Which brings me to today. When I’m around the youngsters, and much as I want to, I avoid health broadcasts, my mobility limitations, the aches and pains of an elder, the medication competition. Is there anything more boring in life?
That reminds me of Andy’s philosophy, “Never talk about your ailments, when I was young that was so boring!”
I disagree with him. I say, never talk only of your ailments, they are a part of life. Don’t complain about them, become obsessed, but adversity is a part of life and talking about how we handle it is a profound subject.
Anyway, that’s the beauty of blogging, you don’t have to worry about boring people. Oh, I know, some bloggers occasionally disparage others as “boring”, but if they don’t like the blogs, then don’t read them. The posts may resonate with someone else and make a difference in their life.
What inspired this post? Ronnie Bennet’s Making Dying a Part of Living. Among other things she writes,
It is the dying, rather than death itself, I am concerned with, and I become more convinced every day now, as I live with this death sentence, that it is a gift.
A gift of time that allows me to say the things I always ought to have done but too often have not. Of time to remember. Time to wonder at the great unknown. And time to talk. Oh god, yes. To talk and and talk and talk with those who will do so with me, about everything under the sun.
We are doing that here in these pages and your comments, thoughts and stories are enriching my final days.
Even though I have met only a few of you in person, we’ve been friends of a certain kind for a long time. Imagine how you would feel if, when the time comes, someone posted a note saying I died yesterday of cancer, and you had known nothing about it until then.
Would you feel betrayed? I think I would. Would you wonder why the disease had been kept a secret? I would. And I think I would feel cheated to be able to leave only a note of condolence rather than having had this wonderful conversation we are carrying on now.
….
Dying is as much a part of living as birth. We should treat it with as much significance and honor it during every last day we have.
Good for you, Ronnie!
November 14, 2018
I’ve read and valued her blog for years—she’s very courageous.
Yes, she’s an inspiration.
Good for you, Ronnie, and you too, Jean! Thank you for your eloquence.
I sometimes muse about substituting “denial” for “boring”. “Boring” says “this isn’t fun, you aren’t entertaining me.” “Denial” is about skittering away from the facts, not knowing how to talk about them, how to deal with them, or even how to be willing to know them. So what to do? just say “boring” and walk away.
Thank you! That may be sometimes true of why people say a topic is boring, but as nerds/geeks know, a lot of topics that fascinate them will bore the life out of a lot of other people.
A blogger recently referred to the old Japanese idea that we all have three faces. One you show to the world, another you show to your family and close friends, the third you show to no one else. The third one is the truest reflection of who you are. That doesn’t seem to fit my experience now, and probably never did for Andy. We spend a lot of time alone doing things that interest us but would no doubt make other people’s eyes glaze over if we went into a lot of detail. I suppose if we were more social we would be spending more of our time on things that others could relate to? What do you think?
I remember wanting to talk about life and death with my mother years ago and her saying that’s not something we ever talk about. She sounded as if it was too scary a subject. Who knows if she thought talking about it might be tempting fate?
Then years later a fellow graduate student down in La Jolla didn’t want to talk about it either. He said thinking about things like that was useless, it would just make you crazy (not literally, I’m pretty sure), so it was better to focus on our everyday lives. I understood why he would feel that way, he wasn’t a “big picture person” the way I was.
We are not always sure of the right words to use, but we always leave this blog with wonderful food for thought. Great post!
Woos – Lightning, Misty, and Timber
Thank you so much! You’ve made my day. Don’t worry about finding the right words, as you say this blog is meant as food for thought, and good food for thought takes a lot of pondering. A simple smiley 🙂 face if you like the post, or a frowny one 🙁 if you don’t would be fine if that’s easier.
I started reading your posts regularly when it was Phantom, Ciara and Lightning, but I didn’t start commenting until recently. Now I will at least let you know I’ve come by and appreciate your posts.
I’m so sorry, Lightning, about the vet cancellation! Two weeks longer with the cone is a LONG time — if only you would leave the leg alone to finish healing.
Now let me see if I can leave a comment here, s/phone getting easier to work with! About death or bad illness, and notification especially on blogs. I couldn’t even tell where I got when I went in a rush to ER… You didn’t hear from me until l returned home!
2 more sleeps here before I leave this retreat
I hope you’re enjoying the retreat. You deserve a good break.
We probably should all leave instructions to write one last post explaining why we have suddenly disappeared. It’s not likely, but accidents do happen.