In Notes on How to Live in the World and Still Be Happy, Hugh Prather writes about why he thinks it’s important to be happy. “We are either throwing our emotional weight into the balance of fear and anger or we are adding to the world’s measure of hope and kindness.” He believes that being happy is part of this process. “I believe it is good and right to be happy, and I know from experience that is the only way I personally can be kind.”
I couldn’t agree more…I learned this lesson as a teen-ager. My best friend in 7th and part of 8th grade turned on me one morning and refused to have anything to do with me. She wouldn’t tell me or anyone else why, and her decision seemed to be final. I was hurt and assumed it was because there was something wrong with me. I was extremely shy and self-conscious at the time and didn’t particularly like myself either. I figured she was just verifying what I already knew.
The standard advice in a situation like that was, “Oh, she’s just jealous. Forget about her. She’s not worth bothering with.” But that didn’t work for me. I didn’t want to play games…I still liked her very much and wasn’t going to deny it. So I decided if I had to go through the hurt I would learn and grow from it. I wouldn’t force myself on her, but I wouldn’t avoid her, either. So whenever we did cross paths I was always friendly and kind. This went on for two years, when she thawed out and we became best friends again.
After a year or so she told me why she had done it. It was because her mother had died in 6th grade and she had nothing in common with her father. He was a hard-working immigrant from Italy, but he was in his 50’s when she was born and didn’t know much about raising a child. It turned out she had been jealous of me after all… I had a mother and father who loved me. She also said she hated me even more when I had been nice to her.
That’s probably the greatest lesson I’ve ever learned–when people deliberately hurt other people it’s usually because they themselves are hurting. Maybe you can’t do anything about it, but you don’t have to take it personally. And you can do your utmost to get your own life in order so you don’t pass your pain on to others. Yes, I agree with Prather. If you value kindness, which I do, the first step is to learn to be happy.
The question asked is: What do you want? The best answer is, “I want to be happy”.
And how do you do that? Love unconditionally, forgive, be open to life & new experiences. All that takes some practice.
bikehikebabe,
🙂 “All that takes some practice.” Amen to that! It’s a lot easier said than done. Thanks for coming by.
Ooh gosh i just wrote a long comment and when i hit reply it came up blank! Please tell me it worked properly? I do not want to write it again if i do not have to! Either the blog bugged out or i am just stuipd, the latter doesnt surprise me lol.
Fuzu,
I’m afraid it didn’t work. Thanks for coming by anyway.
i am so enjoying travelling thru your archives.
i have now met bhb.
i like the quote from abe lincoln on happiness…
“people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be”
… or something like that!
always struck me as such good common sense.
simple and profound at the same time. and from a man who was often depressed and had much to be depressed about!