A woman, I’ll call her “Joan”, from our local Friends of the Shelter sent a delightful message to the group the other day. She gave an update on the beautiful Rottweiler puppy she adopted from the shelter last November. He’s now a beautiful 60-pound nine-month-old. He’s a wonderful addition to the family…calm, playful, people-oriented and dog-friendly.
He has just one little issue…he wants to be the boss of someone, and he’s chosen her. He wants to tell her when he wants to play and to be fed, and if she doesn’t do what she wants, he chews on her foot, jumps on her and nips. Just a little issue.
And, in fact, the behavioral specialist she took him to says it’s probably easily cured. Don’t scold him or get into a battle of wills. Just quietly take him into another room, preferably with one of his favorite toys, and give him a time out for a bit. He already gets plenty of attention, and reacting to him is positive reinforcement. She’s been trying it and is having good results. And she’s wisely doing that now, when he’s “only” 60 pounds, before he’s full-grown.
Lessons Learned?
So what can we learn from this? For me it’s to remember to keep things in perspective. To remember that we don’t have to be perfect to be lovable. If we’re acting in ways we don’t like, don’t turn it into a moral matter. Just figure out what the payoff for the behavior is, and find a healthier way of satisfying that need. In the Rottweiler’s case, it’s to show him he’s more apt to get attention if he doesn’t try to dominate the woman. For me the big problem years ago was eating junk food, as well as too much of the healthy stuff. The solution wasn’t to mentally beat myself up, it was to find activities that I loved even more than eating. As long as I was dieting I kept thinking about food. The solution was to do something else instead. And a big part of the process was to refuse to stop loving myself just because I had a little issue. Staying loving and nonjudgmental is powerful.
What about you? Have you ever changed some unwanted behaviors? Please share your experience in the comments section.
Thanks to bikehikebabe, Daz, Shauna, Robert and Robin for commenting on last week’s post.
Thinking I needed to be perfect to be lovable was a big issue for me when I was younger. I think I’ve worked through it by really starting to live the life I want – which has meant my connections with people have been more meaningful which in turn has made it easier to accept that I am actually lovable!
Jean,
Thank you for this post. I’ve found that with my blog, although in my mind it is far from perfect, a lot of people have positive comments about it.
I really like your idea about replacing negative habits with positive ones. I’m going to take that one board for when there are things in my life that I would like to change.
David
Jean,
You have knack of keeping message simple and effective. I’m learning a lot about life from you than you can imagine. We think alike on finding activities that provide us happiness to abandon life long bad habits. I’m stumbling your post now..
Thanks
Shilpan
Robin,
Being authentic can be scary, but we’ll never feel loved and accepted by other people if we’re just saying and doing things to please them.
David,
Learning to replace harmful habits with more healthy ones is one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in life. And after we’ve done it once, it gets easier and easier.
Shilpan,
Thanks for the kind words and the Stumble.
🙂 Thank you all for participating. That’s what this site is about, sharing our experiences. There’s nothing like having kindred spirits to connect with. For me it keeps life as an adventure because I’m not alone.
Your post title caught my eye 🙂 I couldn’t agree more. Within each of us there are habits we(others) might not like. That doesn’t mean that we are not lovable.
🙂 yeah, that’s what I love about dogs, they aren’t perfect but they have so much love it doesn’t matter, in fact, “perfect” can be annoying hehe!!!!
Shamelle,
The nice think about giving up the idea of being perfect is we can lighten up and have a sense of humor. We do get trapped by our egos, don’t we? They keep the love from flowing, in my humble opinion.
Daz,
Dogs really know how to establish rapport and touch our hearts. Most of them also know how to enjoy life, which for me is always a good lesson/reminder.
Hello,
Needing to be loveable makes me do things I don’t always want to do. And it’s very often that I don’t get in return the love I’m looking for.
I think we must love ourselves. And it’s up to the rest whether we are loveable or not. And, of course, if you love yourself is because you have grown to be a person you like. Chances are then, that you’ll be loved by others too.
Maybe we get to the same starting point, but from another perspective.
Cheers
Patricia,
🙂 I agree! Thanks for coming by.
“Have you changed some unwanted behaviors?”
Yes, I had opinions about everything and a lot of people. My husband didn’t have opinions & I didn’t understand that.
I’ve realized every issue has two sides & people are not just like you. Accept them as they are. Notice what you like about them.
i liked the message you shared in your last post from the gps system on your trip… and it ties into this post for me…
recalculate, recalculate! i will remember that. it sounds like something mr spock would say on star trek. logical, calm, not blaming, simply changing approach.
maybe my word for the new year will be non-judging.
from everything to … myself, to others, to even traffic and weather!
good post. as always!
you’re a little monk bird dropping crumbs for us to scarf up and later think about.