One of the things I love about blogging is it stirs up old memories. Last week I wrote about how work found me after I had stayed at home with my daughter and did volunteer work for 10 years. The above picture shows AT-6 (Accelerator Technology—Theory and Simulation), the group I worked in. Tom, the beloved matchmaker who arranged the interview, is sixth from the left…the fellow with the beard. I’m the gal in the white shirt in front of him and slightly to the right. Dick, our group leader, is the fellow in the blue T-shirt, the second from the left. That was his special shirt, which he wore for the occasion…we had given it to him as a birthday present and it had Maxwell’s equations, the fundamental laws of electricity and magnetism, written on the front. That gives you a feeling of what the group was like.
My husband warned me the job wouldn’t be secure, because the division lived on a financial roller coaster…sometimes the funding was great and they would expand, then the funding would contract and they would have to lay people off. That was fine by me. I was looking for a half-time job to save money for Kaitlin’s college education and to contribute to our future retirement. My husband and I had always lived well within our means, and I was looking for a challenging job that would use my talents.
As I mentioned last week, I was just the kind of person Dick was looking for. At the moment the group was well-funded with too much work to do, and he wanted people with initiative. He definitely got that, with bells on. A few weeks after I started I was solving a differential equation for him using a numerical method, which was easy and fun because I had never done that before. But my instincts said it must have an analytical solution…a much more elegant way of solving the problem. Dick was dubious. He had asked the best mathematician in the group about it, and he hadn’t seen it. But Dick told me to try it if I wanted to. I hadn’t looked at a differential equation for decades, so the next few weeks were a definite strain for both of us. I was pouring through a book trying to understand the subject, and he kept throwing me anxious looks, clearly worried that he was stuck with a complete loser. Thankfully for both of us my instincts were still sound..I did produce the answer. That meant as long as he was the group leader I didn’t have to worry about being stuck with routine work.
I can’t say the job was a breeze…I was over my head and scared much of the time, but it was an exciting scared, not a paralyzing one. It’s back to the optimizing stress curve:
One of the first things that happened was I never worked only half time. It was too much fun. So within six months I was working full time, having a great time, and we were saving my salary. Those were among the happiest three years of my life. After that Dick became burned out because of funding problems and division pressures. The group staggered along without much leadership for a while, then it was dissolved and the individual members were absorbed into other groups. It was sad, because we had never worked in a group that had higher morale and team spirit, but it wasn’t a disaster.
Part of my job had been to go around to experimentalists in other groups and show how our computer simulations could help them do their studies. When we found a good match, I would write a proposal for an organizational research grant that funded my time. Then we would do the study and publish a paper on it. That meant that by the time Dick stepped down as group leader, I was fairly well known in the division. So I had no problem getting funding until about 9 years after I started. Then money was very tight and morale was down in the pits. I could have looked for a job in another division, but it was time to move on. My husband and I decided that given our simple lifestyle and the money we had saved we could afford to take an early retirement incentive. Dick took the same incentive, and one of the last things we did as a group was to have a farewell luncheon for the old AT-6. It had been a long time, but we couldn’t leave without honoring Dick and that special time and place.
This post is part of Robert Hruzek’s writing challenge: What I Learned From Friends. So what did I learn from the experience?
- I’d rather be scared than bored.
- Nothing lasts forever, so when life hands you a gift, make the most of it. As old-time farmers used to say, “Make hay while the sun shines.”
- When things don’t go as well, make the most of that opportunity, too. (That’s how I became an expert on stress management.)
- Treasure memories. Digging out my old AT-6 pictures warmed my heart all over again.
Bless you, Robert, for asking.
What about you? What have you learned from your friends?
When friends push you, it’s so much more fun than when the pressure comes from strangers … or from yourself? Treasuring the memories hits home with me. My wife takes pictures of everything and there’s so much we would have forgotten without them.
Brad Shorrs last blog post..Are You Transparent or Translucent?
I have a friend, Paul, who I guess would be kindly described as pugnacious.
I learned from him that I don’t have to back down if I don’t want to. Often I’m happy to compromise but when I’m not then there are other options.
Evans last blog post..Love Your Disease?
Truly inspiring post….many thanks!
Jodys last blog post..Present
I learned to rent a car to drive the 100 miles to the airport. I won’t have to have my car baking in the sun & pay the car park fee.
I learned that knee surgery is simpler than shoulder, because knees only move in one direction & shoulders need to go up,down,front,back. Recovery time is the longest for knees, than hip, & shoulder being the simplest.
I learn from observation of friends too.
Examples are endless. (communication & observation)
Treasuring memories is invaluable no matter how the outcome turns out. We can always learn from a failed experience.
my pathway through life has been extremely interesting even when at certain times the lemons were not oranges and life wasn’t all that crash-hot!
so many friends who have ‘guided’ me ever so gently which has had me move in extraordinary fields.
Cathy in NZs last blog post..first week of break more or less completed
Brad,
I know people who were pushed to change by friends. It hasn’t worked that way for me. I’ve tried to set up accountability groups, where we tell others what we’re working on and get encouragement. They didn’t work because I was the only one committed to changing. So I’ve used journaling instead.
Evan,
That’s great. It’s empowering to learn to deal with situations like that.
Jody,
Thank you!
bikehikebabe,
I’m not surprised that shoulder surgery is the most complicated…I’m happy for you that the recovery time is quickest for it. I suppose that’s because it doesn’t have to bear so much weight?
Shilpan,
Amen to that!
Cathy,
It’s sounds as if you’re living an interesting life thanks to your friends. 🙂
Shoulder surgery recovery… You don’t walk on your arms 🙂
Jean, that loud noise you heard was my brain exploding when I saw the words “differential equations”. Augh! They were my downfall in Calculus class.
But I like all four of your lessons, though – especially #1!
Robert Hruzeks last blog post..What I Learned From… My Friends
I love your first one Jean – about you’d rather be scared than bored. Scary can be scary, but it is also exciting and new, and adventurous.
What I’ve learned is to embrace new opportunities and try new things. If we’re not growing, we’re stagnating.
Lances last blog post..What We Learn From Winning
bikehikebabe,
Precisely!
Robert,
I didn’t like differential equations when I was in college either, and part of me was saying, “Oh, Lord, what have I gotten myself into!” But my compulsion to find elegant solutions when they exist was stronger than my fear or my aversion.
Lance,
In high school my best friend and I didn’t know what we would do in life, but we were committed to avoiding stagnation. That’s not a well-formed goal because it’s expressed in the negative, but it works nonetheless.
I enjoyed your post about your soccer team. One of my little adventures now is heading soccer balls in one of the Wii Fit balance games. There’s quite a contrast between my athletic abilities and the abilities of your 9-year-olds. But, hey, we all do what we can. 🙂
Let me share a recent story here. I have a friend who has been in depression ever since he retired a few years ago. His family knowing that our friendship goes back to our childhood persuaded him to visit with me and spend some time to see if he will snap out of it. The background is that we had not been in a face to face situation for over 28 years as he lives in a different country. Firstly, both of us have changed physically quite dramatically in the 28 years. Secondly, I have gone off in a different tangent in my quest for happiness than he expected me to have. The re-union was a disaster for him as he just could not accept my cheerfulness and calm. He resented it. The visit did not last longer than just three days!
What did I learn from this friend of such long standing? Friendship sometimes can play tricks if frequent and close contact is not maintained. Had my taking the different path been known to him in greater detail, perhaps he would have either joined me or just forgotten all about me. That we kept in touch through letters and occasional phone calls was not enough to keep the relationship going. May be his depression had something to do with it. I do not know. I am saddened that it turned out the way it did.
rummuser,
My next post at Transforming Stress will be “What I Learned From Being Dumped By My Best Friend”. It happened in 8th grade. I went up to my best friend before school one day, happy to see her, and she made it clear she wanted to have nothing to do with me. So when that happens it’s not because of lack of face-to-face contact. This happened overnight. At the time I assumed it was because there was something wrong with me, but it turns out it was something going on inside her. It was a great lesson, albeit a painful one at the time. It is sad when that happens. Thank you for sharing.
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I have tucked work in for a long time and found a way to make a modest income, i can’t say i am bored, but stress is pretty raging, i am intrigued by what you say about feeling scared, the truth is if it’s a path that has one stretching oneself then i feel it in my gut, and that gets uncomfortable
somehow the in the gut stuff alerts me and says keep going
the next place for me is undefined and in my gut
interestingly the friends I am attracting into my circle are up to stuff friends
they remind me… also to strive on
Your graphic is perfect — and a “graphic” reminder of how life works… and how “staying in the zone” keeps you happy and healthy, while slipping out to the edges gets you frayed.
Monique Attingers last blog post..What I Learned From My Friends About Allergies
Mother Earth,
I’m rooting for you! Please let us know how it goes. It sounds as if you’re trying to do the things you really care about. Good for you. 🙂
Monique,
Yes, I find that graph to be incredibly helpful. It means I don’t try to run and hide from tension. If it’s too high I just try to dial it down a bit, either by changing my physiology or cutting down on what I’m doing. It usually means a small adjustment. Before the graph it used to be a much bigger deal.
Gosh, You are inspiration!
As I have learned so many lessons from friends…hmm
In days I have the experience of what a value a lifelong friend is understanding and time spent in earnestly helping deal with death. How each moment of communicating and lifting up a friend can be.
In volunteering for a cause for bettering children’s learning by enhancing programs through art. I have learned so much about being in a enviroment with like minded friends. As with working through different styles and creative geniuses to put art shows together. It gave me a deeper appreciation for all types of fields and people. And a deeper respect for the way it all comes together. It expanded my intelligence and I love your graph on stress Its so insightful!
Recently I have noticed that question, What do I need answering back…rest….so as I rested …. I read and studied and went to classes during this attending to rest.
Diane,
Thank you so much for coming by. I would love to know more about your experience in dealing with death, helping others deal with death. That is the subject of my next post at Transforming Stress.
It sounds as if you’re doing great things with your volunteering. 🙂
Jean,
I think death is the hardest of all…. if you live from your heart of hearts. It makes you stop. And it makes the essence of life that much more sweeter. Don’t mind the tears embrace them.
wow monk. you are the only physicist i have known. no wait. there was the guy when i was first married… i was his part time secretary… he was a physicist. one day i received a call from wernher von braun, asking to speak to my boss. (i cannot remember the boss/physicist’s name)… too many years ago. but he was a nice man. totally weird.
but i do remember the tingling sensation and the sheer excitement of having to say “just a moment please!” to mr von braun. i was talking to brilliance and history and oh my!!!
wernher von braun himself! and do you know… he couldn’t have been nicer. and no secretary called for him. he made the call himself. that impressed me the most.
now the closest i come to physicists is my cheerful little monk friend and the big bang theory. i love that silly show. never fails to make me laugh. i love all the eccentricities of the characters. definitely a stress reliever.
ok. i got carried away.
now what was the question?