Last week we talked about situations when it’s best not to broadcast one’s lack of knowledge…when it’s best to simply take good notes and find the answer later…out of sight.
I prefer situations where we don’t have to worry about ego games, when we’re focused on the knowledge and getting the job done well…not in trying to impress other people. That’s why my daughter’s pediatrician was so refreshing. My daughter broke her ankle once, and her doctor went into the other room and brought back a book on how to set that particular fracture. The doctor had been a scientist before she decided to switch fields and go to medical school, and my husband and I were impressed by her willingness to check her information in front of me. She was highly competent and interested in doing the job well, not in setting herself above her patients and their parents. That was years ago and I still remember it.
The Nurse
I also remember the nurse who took off Kaitlin’s cast when the fracture was healed. I liked her too, but she needed to work on her competence. When we went into the examining room she was making coffee in the coffee machine. But she forgot to put the coffee pot in, so the coffee started running over the cabinet top, and she had to mop it up.
Then she cut off Kaitlin’s cast with a little power saw. At one point Kaitlin yelped and the nurse said, “I’m not hurting you, just relax!” When the cast was off she saw that she had indeed nicked Kaitlin’s leg, so she licked her index finger and rubbed it on the cut. Then she said, “I can’t believe I actually did that!”
She put a bandage on the cut, then had Kaitlin get in the wheelchair, the rule being the patient has to be wheeled out the hospital for legal reasons. That would have been fine, she waited with Kaitlin outside while I went to get the car. Unfortunately it had just rained and the overhang was still dripping. The nurse, of course, had parked Kaitlin right under the drip.
I remember her as vividly and with an even warmer heart than I remember the pediatrician, but I wasn’t surprised or upset when the nurse wasn’t there the next time we had an office visit.
Role Models
They’re both good role models for me:
- The Doctor– I’m a visual thinker so when I’m in situation where someone is playing I’m-better-that-you-because-I-know-this-and-you-don’t games, I can think of that pediatrician and smile. No, that simply isn’t true, play your game with someone else.
- The Nurse–On the other hand, when I have one of those days when everything has gone wrong and my confidence has slipped away, I can think of the nurse and remember how she touched my heart. It’s not that I won’t work on increasing my competence, it’s just that beating ourselves up when we make mistakes is counterproductive. We don’t have to be perfect to be lovable and worthy of respect.
What About You?
I collect role models and use them a lot in everyday life. Do you do something similar? If not, how do you shift your thinking and emotional states?
I don’t generally have role models — at least not consciously. I do learn from others, though. For example, there is one older black lady whose blog I read religiously whenever she posts. I have reevaluated my thought processes and attitudes as a result of exposure to her life experiences — and in some instances where I found myself coming up short, I’ve adjusted.
(I am certainly thrilled for her this week. Born in the mid 20s and growing up in the depression, this week she is in Washington as a seated guest at the inauguration. I can’t wait to read about her experiences!)
Mike Goads last blog post..Yellowstone National Park…. and a cool video, too!
Mike,
I can’t imagine what she went through, but I can imagine how she feels about being invited to the inauguration. It’s about time, and it makes me proud to be an American. Could you tell us her website?
I subscribe to The Sun, a monthly literary magazine that has a section called (approximately) “The Readers Write.” There’s a different topic each month and it helps me from becoming too narrow.
Betty’s blog is CBreaux Speaks. She is 84 years old and is a uniformed National Park Service employee, ranger hat and all. She is also much, much more than that. Check out her blog archives.
Mike Goads last blog post..Yellowstone National Park…. and a cool video, too!
Mike,
Thanks!
I don’t have role models much in general. More models for specific things.
I do have incidents I remember that have a moral or meaning for me.
Evans last blog post..Plants Are Good For You
I am most impressed with those that who give fully of themselves, doing great works of heart and spirit, without ever adopting (or even imagining) any air of the value of what they do.
blessings to you and all you hold dear,
CG
CG Walterss last blog post..Loving Couples
I have a role model or two of how not to be. What I find objectionable about the person is what I do & want to change.
I have been impressed with those who volunteer their time to the community, even though they have challenging family backgrounds themselves and a job to go to everyday. They do so with a love in their hearts and a dedication that is nothing short of inspiring. Oh yes…my life has been positively affected since knowing these friends.
I like the two role models illustration to make the point of shifting gears. I wish that I could be so deliberate. I am mostly instinctive in my reactions to situations and so far, I have not many occasions to regret.
rummusers last blog post..Getting To Know Me – II
Evan,
When I use “role models” they’re usually for specific things. I have a huge collection…it’s one of my hobbies.
CG,
I admire people like that too.
bikehikebabe,
I do that too…whenever I see someone acting in a way I don’t like a little voice inside me asks, “Where in your life are you doing this, Jean?”
Evelyn,
Yes, people like that are inspiring. I’m lucky enough to know quite a few. 🙂
rummsuer,
Noticing how I operate is one of my hobbies. I’m fascinated by how our minds work and I always have one right here to watch and experiment with.
Thank you all for taking the time to comment.
My role model is Jesus Christ, and I can use whatever situations or encounters to see, feel, and hear what’s really going on — inside myself and with others. Experiences — good and bad — help shape me and show me who I am so I can see my path.
SpaceAgeSage — Loris last blog post..Graciousness doesn’t fit into a box
Jean, you had wanted to put up my photograph on the comments box whenever I commented. Whatever happened to that? bikehikebabe is keen to see my mug! I am trying to put that up in my blog and have not succeeded so far. Perhaps when I find my son more amenable, I shall collar him to help me get that done.
My role models all have good senses of humor, warmth and tolerance for diversity of thought and life situations.
Unfortunately, I have none of those.
Conrads last blog post..President Obama Reads This Blog
Lori,
That’s the way role models work for me, too. They give me a sense of centeredness and direction so I can understand more and react in line with my values. You’ve picked a great one. 🙂
rummuser,
We need to get you a gravatar at gravatar.com. I’ve written to you about two possible ways of doing it.
I’ve finally gotten around to downloading a WordPress plugin to allow them on my site. It’s about time!
Conrad,
“Unfortunately, I have none of those.” Yeah, sure. We all believe that 🙂
I spent some time this morning “playing my chest.” I used to do that with babies and hadn’t done it in years. I would never have thought of it if it hadn’t been for you.
It is curious how society often reinforces what it also would like us not to do. This, in turn, is what we tend to remember. Consider the news. This often broadcasts stories of conflict that evoke discomfort and pain or cause people to become indifferent to their fellow human beings. Your story reminds people they can remember discomfort for different reasons; such as for the learning curve they offer, the lessons in empathy, understanding and patience, as well as for the love and compassion some people truly need more of to grow.
Liara,
Yes, a big part of growing up is to learn to think for ourselves. 🙂
Jean, I’ve been on sabbatical for a little while and not reading many posts. I must tell you that I’d forgotten how much I enjoy your writing. You truly have a unique quality that I aspire to create as there is so much sameness out there.
Another theme I’m connecting is that you always find the good in people and situations. So much we can all learn from you as a role model.
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B. Wilde,
🙂 Thank you. You’ve made my day.
I keep thinking of your letters to your children and your stories about your relatives. They’re real and they touch my heart.
I now have new role models: you and Ramana. You may save me from being the Joe Biden of the Blogosphere.
Seriously, thanks to both of you for recent input!
Conrads last blog post..Chance, the Blogger
Conrad,
Thanks for putting up with me. 🙂
Putting up with you is NOT how I saw it.
And, by the way, I like me, too. How’s that for immodest? 🙂
Conrads last blog post..Chance, the Blogger
I am big fan of role models. It helps me getting results. Learning from others mistakes helps less than learning from others’ success. How about a doctor that knows-it-all but behaves like caring nurse? 🙂
My mantra is “win heart, the mind follows”. I think heart==nurse, mind==doctor. Why separate?
Alik Levin | PracticeThis.coms last blog post..Program Yourself For Extremely Fast Performance
Conrad,
I was impressed how you handled the misunderstanding. You didn’t assume you knew what other people were thinking, you asked. It’s amazing how few people have the sense to do that. 🙂
Alik,
I agree about learning from other people’s successes. Also thinking in terms of images/role models is a great way of letting my subconscious know what I’m aiming for. It’s quick and powerful.
I’m not sure I use anyone as a role model – but at the same time, every person I know well, I try to learn from them.
I really appreciate humble people who are so humble that they’re unaware of their humility.
David Masterss last blog post..The Stephen King Guide to Reading a Book In a Week
David,
I agree. To me true humility means forgetting about ourselves. So when we manage it we’re not aware of being humble because we’re not even thinking in those terms.
apparently, I’m a role model!
i didn’t know that until recently when I ‘admitted’ to a bunch of my pals both realtime and virtual that I had finally accepted that I had achieved a great deal of things especially in the last 5yrs since a huge change in my health status….
to have a good many of those pals signify that they thought i was pretty inspiring and that many of them thought they couldn’t achieve 1/2 of what I had!
some also got a bit of a fright when I said I still had a few more challenges I wanted to achieve but they did also say they would ‘support’ me in whatever those endeavours were/are!
Cathy,
With your attitude, I’m not at all surprised. Good for you!
oh monk.
i can see i have yet so far to go on this path of tolerance and understanding.
there is a lack of awareness now. it’s like people have no clue to what is going on around them. only how it affects themselves.
i do not like inept people who are sure they are not. it is not a good thing to be cocky and inept both when you have a buzz saw in your hand.
and to park your little daughter under the rain coming down was simply another matter of no awareness.
i think awareness is just another way of being compassionate.
and that nurse should learn it before she actually hurts someone.
showing my lack of patience here, i know.
remember the buzzard?
love,
tammy j
tammy,
Actually we thought the whole thing was funny. The gal was clueless but I liked her and felt sorry for her. Needless to say she wasn’t there the next time we went.