As I mentioned in Their New Car last September, this is a picture of Banshee (on the left) and Sammy in the Honda Element that was bought for them. Kaitlin and Torben often make the long drive to Torben’s family in Ann Arbor, Michigan and Banshee had just had major surgery. The back seat of the Honda Civic was too small for both dogs given Banshee’s wounds.
The surgery had been extensive… Banshee lost part of her pancreas, stomach and intestines and the vet thought she was going to die. Clearly from the picture she was making a remarkable recovery. For months she had more energy than she had had for a long time. This is a picture of her and Sammy up on our land last Thanksgiving.
The vet had said he couldn’t remove all the diseased tissue, so they expected more trouble eventually. Banshee started acting more lethargic the past couple of weeks, so Kaitlin expected the vet to take an ultrasound during her annual physical this past Friday. Instead Banshee suddenly became deathly ill Thursday afternoon. The vet said it was massive internal bleeding with little hope of recovery. So Kaitlin and Torben had to make the agonizing decision to euthanize her. The two of them plus Sammy were there when Banshee passed away.
It was a shock to have it happen so abruptly…she was only seven years old…and she will be sorely missed. But at least she didn’t suffer for very long.
Advance Health Care Directives
My husband and I have just made new wills, including Advance Health Care Directives. They basically say if we’re ever in the same position as Banshee let us go as quickly and painlessly as possible. It’s more complicated for humans than for animals, of course, and not all hospitals respect the patient’s wishes. We will talk to our doctor about it this summer when we go for our annual physicals. I helped nurse my mother when she was dying and had to be assertive with her doctor to get her the pain medication she needed. It’s not something we can take for granted.
I’ve named Andy as my spokesman if I become incapacitated, and Kaitlin is the contingent spokesperson. I am also a member of Compassion and Choices, which advocates for patients’ rights to make end-of-life decisions.
What about you? Is this something you ever think about? Have you ever had to help a loved one get the relief she/he needed?
I am sorry to hear about Banshee. People often say “Oh, it’s only a pet” but they are not ‘only’. They are part of the family. I just hope that Sammy will be ok. Since our cat’s mother of eight years died last summer, Bouncer has not been the same. He is literally wasting away. It’s awful. My son used to call him “Fatty Boy”, now he is a skeleton. If there is one thing that drives me to despair with animals is that you can’t talk things through with them, you can’t comfort them in the way you do with a human being.
To answer your question: Death has always been very close to me. So, yes, I do think about the issue you have raised; and my son has instructions to dislodge roof tile when the time comes (verdict: accidental death since I don’t want him to go to prison on my behalf; not that he finds my notion remotely amusing but I have seen too many of my friends nurse their parents – when well past their use by date – at great cost to their own lives).
Big question being: Just because we CAN should we prolongue life ad infinitum?
The whole question of pain relief and euthanasia is a minefield if ever there was one. So very unfortunate that we are now policed to a degree that leaves little discretion to an individual doctor. In the ‘olden days’ your house doctor (as they were then called) didn’t need to record and justify every shot of morphine (as was given to my grandmother) to ease someone’s pain. They just got on with it – no questions asked. Patient and her family DEAD grateful.
Slightly veering off the subject – but highlighting stupidity where you find it: Eventually my grandmother (aged 68) had to go to hospital. Her last wish on her death bed was for a glass of cold beer. The nurses (don’t laugh) refused her on “grounds of health”. Luckily, my mother was there and she didn’t take no for an answer.
Here (in England) the whole question of ‘living wills’ is a minefield. Sure, by all means, let’s make a living will. Whether it will be honoured is an entirely different question. Debate has been raging, cases been taken to court by seriously ill people still compos mentis – yet not be granted what amounts, in my opinion, to a human right. Peoople fly to the clinic Dignitas in Zurich/Switzerland to be helped to die (often alone, because they don’t want to implicate their relatives). It’s shameful. We were given life, involuntarily, and for that we should be grateful. But once we have lived that life it should be up to us and those we trust to end it as, when and how we sit fit.
I could cry.
U
PS I clearly was crying since I didn’t spot my mistake: “… how we SEE fit”.
Sitting tight,
U
Jean, in another twelve days, it would be one year since Urmeela passed away. Both Ranjan and I could not have survived the way we have without each other being there for each other.
.-= Rummuser´s last blog ..India,Britain And Me. =-.
Ursula,
Sammy seems to be doing all right. He and Banshee were brother and sister and when he was younger he would get upset if they were separated for even a short time. But he did all right when she was gone during her operation and recovery last August and seems to be all right now. Kaitlin and Torben are watching for signs of distress of course.
I’m with you, I don’t want my life prolonged ad infinitum. I was horrified when I read that in England relatives who accompany their loved one to Switzerland to die can be prosecuted when they came back home. That’s even worse than some of the rules here.
We do have Hospice Care here in the U.S. That’s what we used for support when we nursed my mother so she could die in her own home. One of the nurses told me that I might have trouble getting her doctor to prescribe enough morphine, but that I could use a Hospice doctor if need be. When it came time for that the Hospice doctor didn’t want to take over but he did talk my mother’s doctor into prescribing enough. After that when it was time to increase the dose all I had to do was call in to the Hospice and get permission to administer it. I was happy to do it…my mother got what she needed and I was protected. That was 15 years ago and I’m still grateful to them.
Rummuser,
I’m so glad your son is there. Kaitlin and Torben live over 2000 miles away and have busy lives. We keep close with phone calls, but if Andy dies before me I wouldn’t want to lean on them too much. Mostly I spend my time appreciating Andy while we’re both still here, but I occasionally think about how I could handle it if he goes first.
I’ve read one shouldn’t make any big decisions for at least a year, which makes sense. I had trouble eating for over six months after my mother died and Andy is an even bigger part of my everyday life. All I can think of is to foster animals from the local shelter and help them get adopted. We’re not supposed to have pets here in this apartment but cats might be an exception with a rent increase. I’m even thinking if I had to I could temporarily rent another place that would allow animals. It sounds crazy to think of renting two places, but this apartment is my home and I wouldn’t want to have to give it up right away. And having some company at night and a fellow creature to nurture could help a lot. Who knows what will happen, but having a possible plan of action is soothing. Of course, as I keep telling Andy, I get to go first, or at least at the same time. 🙂
Tom’s mother died at age 96 with a tag on her wrist– DO NOT RESUSCITATE.
The doctor rushed in & resuscitated her. After all, that’s his job.
P.S. Even if the doctor’s job is saving lives, he should respect the wishes.
She died later that day, but what if she’d lived another year. She was in great pain with arthritis & wanted to die.
bikehikebabe,
I have the impression doctors are much better now at respecting DNR requests. They’re not always as good at giving enough pain medication. That’s why Andy and I are going to talk to our doctor in a few months and why I think the hospice movement (if one is certified terminally ill) is so great. I’m also grateful that Compassion and Choices is there with information and support. I believe in planning ahead if possible. Hopefully we won’t need it for a good long time.