In fact life is impermanent…we’re all just penciled in. How do you deal with that fact? Do you worry? Ignore it? Make the most of each moment? How does your approach work for you?
Impermanence
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I don’t dwell on it too much — I don’t plan for it to end any time soon. I try to keep fit in mind and body so that I’m healthy for whatever time is left.
Pencilled in? I am on the way out. Do I dwell on it? No. Do I think about death? Yes, I do; always have, always will; death being the subject I have dedicated my life to; have done since one of my two mothers (my maternal grandmother), the woman who brought me up, died at the tender age of 68 (hers) and eight (mine), removing my life’s safety net from under my feet. I cannot enter an emotional relationship with anyone without contemplating their death. The knowledge of how one’s death affects another’s living nearly stopped me procreating.
May Apple of my Eye forgive me when I snuff it (I had him late).
The above is as much as anyone ever needs to know about me.
U
Ursula, Oh, so do we want to know more about you. Did your sick cat finally die? Does Apple of Your Eye still keep late hours out with his cousins? When did you move from Germany to England? etc.
Any permanence I have is through the difference I have made to others. Viktor Frankl has a slightly different take on this – that what we have done in the past is unchanging and so in one sense permanent (my paraphrase).
Mike,
I don’t dwell on it, but the realization does make me appreciate my life now. I agree that keeping mentally and physically healthy is a wise strategy.
Ursula,
At least the Apple of Your Eye will be a lot more mature than you were when you lost your grandmother. My strategy is to build good memories so Kaitlin will have them after Andy and I are gone.
Evan,
My attitude is more like Frankl’s. The past is permanent and no one can take it away from us. It’s nice when/if I can make a difference in other people’s lives, but they’re only penciled in too. Not much permanence there.
Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself. ~ Zen Proverb
Works for me!
rummuser,
And presumably no why-me-itis when things don’t go the way you would like? 😉
Sitting quietly, doing nothing, watching the grass grow is nice.
But I whine & say DARN when things don’t go the way I want. I need to change that part. That’s not going with the flow.
On the other hand it’s better to let it out than hold it in.
We can flow with our grumpiness. Judging it isn’t going with the flow either. The grumpiness may lead to making worthwhile changes.
certain parts of me have been de-pencilled when once I thought they were not erasable. example/s:
lungs that if not permanently medicated stuff up (Asthma)
whole body system that still the remants of CFIDS – trips me up if I don’t go with the ‘pace’ and ‘self-management’ system
a couple of things I wasn’t born with that I never realised didn’t trip up everyone:
my ankles which twist and shout when placed in wrong shoes, uneven surfaces and other things
my hands that also twist but don’t shout but shake when I am faced with fine motor skills
but hey I’ve made it this far – so probably going to make it the rest of the way 🙂
bikehikebabe,
I don’t believe in fighting life, but I also don’t believe in always “going with the flow”. There’s an old saying
As Evan suggests, being discontented can be motivating.
Evan,
My experience is most grumpy people aren’t willing to make changes… complaining is easier. And people who do take action usually don’t waste a lot of time complaining.
Cathy,
I think you’ve done/are doing an amazing job considering what you’ve been up against. It’s an honor to know you.
Jean, but whymeitis is also a blade of grass among zillions of blades of grass! All of them will grow and will also die and get reborn!
These are all most wise & helpful remarks.
Hello,
“Life? Don’t talk to me about life.” (Marvin the Paranoid Android in Hithchhikers’ Guide o the Galaxy)
I like Omar Khayam
The Moving finger writes
and having writ moves on
Nor all they piety nor wit
can call it back to erase
even half a line.
(or somehting like that)
As for death, One grand father killed in WWI, two weeks before the Armistice. The second died when I was four the day after I spilled a cup of tea in his lap. Both grandmothers died in the 1960s, the paternal one long before I ever discovered that she was still alive….or even existed.
Father died at 55, when my sister was 11 and mother five years later at 51 when sister was 15.
I heard Peggy Seeger today talking about how it feels to realise that you are older than the age a parent lived to. I understood.
A few weeks ago I nearly snuffed it…so what? I am lucky enough to know that at least some of my marks were made with indelible pencil. Or so some of my ex-pupils tell me.
Anything left is extra doodling in the sketchbook.
Oh Magpie (11), you are so cool!
u r so kool (Facebook style, writing it like it sounds. For foreigners who don’t read English well.)
rummuser,
Of course, that’s why they tickle my funny bone. They take themselves so seriously. As Hobbes (the Calvin and Hobbes variety) put it,
Magpie 11,
If the lines written by the moving finger can’t be erased, then they’re all indelible, right?
Does it matter to you that some of the people you’ve affected will outlive you? That somehow “you” will live longer through them? That doesn’t matter to me. When Kaitlin was born I figured she was such a miracle that she wouldn’t even make it to her first birthday. That didn’t mean I worried about it, it just meant that our interactions were sacred. No matter what happened those moments happened and no one could erase them.
Also in the past I helped socialize dogs over at the shelter and helped get them adopted. Chances are those dogs will be gone before I snuff it myself, but that’s a part of my life that I’m most happy about.
I’m glad you didn’t snuff it a couple of weeks ago. 🙂
Jean, if you thought your baby might not live, your interactions with her were extremely ‘living in the moment’.
Magpie 11, Please explain yourself. “A few weeks ago I nearly snuffed it” You are not suicidal so did you escape having a fatal accident?
The writing Khayam refers to is indelible, once it has been read. If I do not live on in my pupils perhaps my values and ideas may. Other than that…nothing really:
Out spake the brave Horatius,
Captain of the gate,
“To every man upon this Earth
Death comes soon or late. ”
(MacCauley, Lays of Ancient Rome)
Another verse that I imbibed as a child. It’s true.
I cannot imagine having a child and not worrying about its survival…. it must be a more intense feeling for a mother.
Magpie 11,
I’m clearly an unnatural mother. 🙂
I figured it was my job to enjoy her, not to worry about her. Also at a very young age it was clear she was more competent than I was. I figured if I could live that long there was no reason to think she wouldn’t do as well.
How do you deal with that fact?
Just aware that this world is impermanence. Just a matter of how long the journey from Alpha to Omega.
tikno,
But how does that affect your everyday life? It certainly affects how I focus my energy and attention.
Release the anger along with the sunset, don’t keep it until the sun rise tomorrow, because tomorrow is a new day and each day has its own Alpha – Omega.
That’s what I always remember whenever I was angry 🙂
tikno,
That sounds like a great philosophy.