Abbie Nelson, one of my favorite bloggers, is a stay-at-home mom with four children…ranging in age from toddler to first grader. If that weren’t enough, three of the children have special needs.
Abbie is completely unpretentious and her posts are filled with love and humor. For instance, A Conversation With Adam:
Adam (age 3) – What does zat button do? *pointing to the power strip behind the computer*
Me (the mom) – It breaks all your toys.
Adam (alarmed 3 yr old) – It will break my TOYS!!?! *shrinking back in horror*
Me (nice mom) – No, honey…Mommy was teasing you, it’s the power button for the computer, please don’t touch it. You’ll get in big trouble if you push it.
Adam (still 3) – It WON’T break my toys? *reaches out a finger*
Me (wiser mom) – Yup, it will…it will break ALL your toys.
Do you agree with Abbie that honesty isn’t always the best policy? Would you be willing to sacrifice Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, say, for the sake of total honesty? Or, for that matter, would you forgo gaelikaa’s story about Ramana?
Honesty is usually the best policy… and, when you aren’t, don’t get caught.
I’m not sure about honesty. 35 years ago (before Animal Shelter) we drowned a litter of kittens. ~snif, snif~
We told the kids we gave them to Uella Pristine–I had to make up a name fast.
Now 35 years later my daughter asks, “Did you REALLY give the kittens to Uella Pristine?”
More often than not you’ll get caught in your lie.
‘Speaking the truth in love’ covers most things I think.
The problem with honesty is that can be used as a cover for cruelty. Eg. When someone says, “Can I be honest with you?” it is usually not followed by a compliment.
“Uella Pristine” – brilliant, bloody marvellous. You couldn’t make it up if you tried – unless you were BHB or my mother (BHB being the younger by three weeks).
Bike Hike Babe, my dearest sweetest Heart, can anyone please tell me why drowners of kittens and other people committing attrocities are Usually given names starting with a U, like CrUella de Ville?
I have never ever in my life drowned anything other than my sorrows.
U
Mike,
It depends on the story. How did you handle Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny? On the other hand when Kaitlin was little and we were going to the pediatrician she asked if she would get a shot. I said yes. She was upset and asked, “Why did you have to tell me?” I told her she would feel better right now if I lied but she would never believe me in the future when she wasn’t going to get a shot. In the long run she would be upset a lot more.
It’s not completely simple.
bikehikebabe,
I’m sure your daughter understood you were trying to protect her feelings. And in general taking the kittens to a shelter wouldn’t necessarily help. We don’t have a no-kill shelter here…the dogs and cats find new homes mainly because of the work of the volunteers. Most shelters aren’t that way.
In the U.S. there are a lot more homeless animals than potential adopters. The ratio is a lot better now since they started spay-neutering programs.
Evan,
In Andy’s family the children were taught, “If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all.” So after dinner they would say, “The milk was delicious tonight, Mother.” 😉
bikehikebabe and Ursula,
Was Cruella de Ville created before you drowned the kittens, bikehikebabe?
a difficult question to answer – depending on the circumstances
i try to adopt honesty 90% of the time, but some times it’s just unavoidable when I am faced with should I say something or just keep mum (saying here in NZ, like keep it secret because otherwise it might rock the boat)…
Cathy,
Being honest doesn’t mean we can’t have privacy. We don’t have to tell everyone anything. And sometimes a good way of handling a sticky situation is to tell a tall tale…tell an obviously ridiculous story to lighten things up with humor.
Honesty is ‘usually’ the best policy. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny are a few of the acceptable exceptions.
Mike,
What about exaggerating/embellishing for the sake of humor, as in Abbie’s story? I come across that all the time and my life is enriched by it.
I guess that would be “shades” of honesty, as it were.
You are good at asking questions, Jean. Of that there is no doubt. Occasionally, not least in response to when I opened up recently, you have the grace to say something about yourself. I thank the Petri dish of my life [you] for that.
I detest lying – on principle. However, there are times when bending the truth is kind. Found myself only days ago advising son to OMIT certain facts. Probably amounts to lying. Don’t know, don’t care. What I DO care for are people’s feelings. Why trample on them in the name of “honesty”? More often than not I find that the very act of being “honest”, spilling the beans, is either spite or need to relieve yourself (like going to confession to be absolved).
Anyway, Jean, keep asking the questions. Could add hundreds to your list – but then you’d have to post at least once a day.
Affectionately,
U
U, it sounds like YOU could have a post a day. Don’t do it. Grannymar tries to do that & she gets grumpy with the stress. I don’t think she reads this blog, otherwise I’d be in the dog house & off limits as you are.
Have to go out for a minute, BHB. Off limit? Watch this space or rather opening of my new blog. One wonders: Is a person, say, for sake of argument GM, off limit because of age? No one is old in my view until they snuff it. You live and then you die. End of story. It pains me but my mother expects me to tell her where it’s at.
Admittedly i am shocked when people don’t wake up whenever they are close to the age I am at any moment. It’s one of the reasons I hate anaethesia. Brill. I’ll be the one person not to know if I don’t wake up again. Since I am a control freak (or so I’ve been told) you can imagine my level of anxiety whilst carefully trying to make friends with anethetist in pre op chat. Using son shamelessly: “I might be on the scrap heap but please do not orphan Apple of my Eye yet.” So far they have kept promise.
U
PS As to GM: Watch my space. Irritating that I have only one hand to type with at the moment. Otherwise we’d be flying.
Ursula,
Feel free to ask questions too. I’m trying to get a dialog going here. My ideal is to do my two posts a week (one for each blog) and have plenty of time for comments if the conversation takes off. If not I still have a good time playing with ideas.
I mostly don’t worry about anesthesia. I did laugh when an oral surgeon was going to give me some once. His helper had me fill out the consent forms, including saying I was aware that some of the side effects might be my heart stopping and death. When I joked about it the fellow seriously told me not to worry, they had the paddles to shock me back to life and the hospital emergency room was just across the street. It wasn’t quite as comforting as he had hoped. 🙂
Jean, you certainly fertilize minds.
Since I can’t easily make notes at the moment (preferred method HB Staedtler pencils with rubber at end and employed on patient pages of spiral bound notebooks) have now taken to my old and neglected Sony voice recorder (hence expecting laryngitis to set in any moment now – laryngitis takes your voice away faster than you can say “Shut up”). Which reminds me of Moliere’s “Le Malade Imaginaire”. And why you should never google any aches. The former will make you laugh the latter will give you a serious bout of, well, hypochondria.
Oh, Jean, I am such a ninny (still don’t know what the word means but sounds suitably flaccid).
U
PS I avoid going to see my doctor like the plague
I like to google all aches & diseases. Tom says this gives me “the disease of the week”.
Give it enough time and stories come alive. As I am sure will happen to the story of the poor sod in your link becoming a toad!
Ursula,
I try to avoid doctors too. Mostly I wait to see if things will get better by themselves. Of course, that often means by the time it’s clear we need help it’s already the weekend, so we have to go to urgent care or the emergency room. My main strategy is to try to lead a healthy lifestyle so I can avoid getting sick.
Good luck on not getting laryngitis! I’d rather write than talk into a tape recorder, but sometimes we don’t have a choice except to be flexible and do the best we can with what we have left.
rummuser,
Yes, that “poor sod” was a bit pathetic, wasn’t he? Do you think he learned anything from his experience?
Oh, yes indeed! He learnt that potential toads should not mess around with Irish ladies with the touch of the blarney stone.
I could MAKE it the truth… *wink*
Oh…and Santa IS real! My parents managed to make Christmas magical and there was NEVER a talk about Santa not being real.
My parents would say…”Santa is the spirit of giving, and he has lots of helpers.”
No lies there. 🙂
I am carrying on their magical tradition for my children.
Abbie,
What a great explanation of Santa. Thanks.
And I did understand you weren’t lying about his pushing that button would break all of his toys. You do have that power. 🙂