Epictetus would no doubt have rejected Baudelaire’s suggestion to always be intoxicated, to never be sober. Baudelaire was trying to avoid being broken down by life, by being “one of the tortured slaves of Time.”
Epictetus, of course, spent his youth as a slave, but that didn’t beat him down or keep him from becoming a Stoic philosopher. A lot of people today agree with these sentiments:
Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not.
We cannot choose our external circumstances, but can always choose how we respond to them.
When something happens the only thing in your power is your attitude toward it; you can either accept it or resent it.
It is only our opinions and principles that can render us unhappy.
Watch for how you can put certain aspects of an event to good use. Is there some less-than-obvious benefit in the event that a trained eye might discern?
Every difficulty in life presents us with an opportunity to turn inward and invoke our own submerged resources. Try not to merely react in the moment. Pull back from the situation. Take a wider view; compose yourself.
Of course, there are times when for practical reasons you must go after one thing or shun another, but do so with grace, finesse, and flexibility.
Generally speaking, we are all doing the best we can. Forgive yourself over and over again. Try to do better next time. When you know you’ve done the best you can under the circumstances, have a light heart.
Practice having a grateful attitude and you will be happy. If you take a broad view of what befalls each person and appreciate the usefulness of things that happen, give thanks.
Which of these ideas do you agree with, and which do you take issue with?
I must say, I love the expression “grace, finesse, and flexibility.” I think I can usually manage to be flexible, but finesse and grace still need a lot of work.
March 5, 2015
I am in total agreement with the philosophy of Stoicism.
It suits my temperament too, but it clearly isn’t for everyone.
I believe you wrote this, Jean. Why are you giving credit to this slave, Epictetus?
Readers, I took Jean’s class & she said all these things. Tom’s my role model since he’s at home after retirement. Jean & Tom are all these things. 🙂
We didn’t do the homework & talked about our problems. She disbanded the class. BUT we’re still working on it.
I think of my 3 / 4 yr. old grandson (at the time) who said “It’s never too late.” What a super mom he has -my daughter-in-law.
1. No. Happiness and freedom are different. Sometimes happiness is just a temperament. I guess we aren’t free to change what isn’t in our control, so that I agree with.
2. No. Sometimes we can choose our external circumstances. And sometimes we can alter them.
3. Yes, immediately. Later you may take action perhaps preventive.
4. No. Although I suppose you could decide to be delirious about the premature death of someone you love theoretically. If he is recommending this I disagree strongly.
5. Yes.
6. Yes.
7. Love it.
8. Completely agree.
9. Mixed. Gratefulness helps. I do tend to take a broad view – so I have a mixed view on it usefulness.
Thanks for answering in detail. I think some people make themselves unhappy by the way they look at things, so it’s a bit more than temperament. It’s not completely out of their power.
I agree that nowadays we probably have more freedom in choosing/altering our circumstances than people in Epictetus’ day had.
I also agree that mourning our losses is appropriate, and so is doing something constructive to change things. For instance, one fellow came home to find his mother and sister murdered. Instead of becoming bitter, he ended up trying to help the kind of kids who had done the murder. Epictetus was probably on the extreme Thinking of the Myers-Briggs continuum. Most of us are either in the Feeling part or else closer to it. (I’m borderline.)
For me being grateful is a big help in being happy. So many of us focus on the things we don’t like and take for granted all the great things about our lives.
Again, thanks!
well… whether you or epictetus… such wise words… and deep thoughts.
wonderful really.
i tend to be what i call … and the marine would definitely call me … ‘ a fixer. ‘
someone when faced with another’s sadness or ‘situation’… i immediately start to think of ways to TRY to fix or help. not good! not needed. not wanted.
everyone has to work out their own salvation so to speak.
that is what i’m working on now. to mind my own business. to be empathetic.
to listen. to take care of my own reactions … reflections… whatever.
BUT to leave the ‘fixing’ to the people in their own lives.
oh yes. still seeking the grace and finesse too. some days there. some days not.
but as long as i keep trying! xo
Lydia once told me she didn’t want me to FIX IT. Just listen.
exactly!
I agree about trying to fix things for people — the problem with giving advice is one size doesn’t fit all. People have to find what works for them. And sometimes we can even listen too much and help people stay stuck. It can be a tricky business.