Resilience is essentially a set of skills –- as opposed to a disposition or personality type –- that make it possible for people not only to get through hard times but to thrive during and after them. Just as rubber rebounds after being squeezed or squished, so do resilient people.
—The Science of Bouncing Back, Time Magazine
According to the article some of the things a person can do to build resilience are
This list isn’t exhaustive, and as usual, one size doesn’t fit all — we each have to find what works for us.
Do you believe it’s possible to become more resilient? If so, do you think it’s worth the effort or would it be easier in the long run to wait and deal with the hard times when they come?
I, of course, like the skill-development approach — mostly because I think it’s fun, but it did pay off handsomely a few months ago when I had shingles in my eye.
August 16, 2015
Interesting. I thought – as opposed to the author – that “resilience” is very much a “disposition/character type”. Can resilience be “learned”? I don’t know. Doubt it though. Unless of course the blows that life deals you makes your skin grow thicker.
All I do know is that I am very lucky in that I am one of the most resilient people I know. By disposition. A character trait laid at my cradle by one of the good fairies.. I am grateful for that. Grateful that I am one of those fortunate people who – even when they find themselves in the gutter – don’t lose their belief in the stars, that anything is possible. Actually, re-reading this I probably qualify as a lunatic.
The only one on your list I falter at is number nine: i do beat myself up for past mistakes (when they affected other people) and I do “dwell on the past” – in a good way. Because my past is my life, it’s who I am, the sum of my life’s parts.
“Shingles in the eye”, Jean? Oh my god. Spare me.
U
I think you’re probably right that some people are by nature more resilient than others. I also think that one can learn to be more resilient/stress-hardy. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have taught classes on the subject for about 10 years. I’m not sure other people learned very much, but it made me practice what I preached, so I did.
Yes, shingles in the eye is quite an experience. I’m pretty sure it was the eye drops that advanced my cataract, but they did eventually cure the inflamed iris. Shingles was painful, but mainly I was glad it wasn’t doing permanent damage to the eye and that the eye doctors saw me the days I needed them. (Item #6 on the list. ) I don’t take that for granted.
I think that I am of the kind that by nature and nurturing just developed into a resilient person. I don’t think that it is easy to learn to be so. If it was, so many gurus will be out of business.
We’re lucky to have the resilience we have — we may very well need it in coming years!
i have never really thought about it in terms of a list of characteristics like that.
i tend to think a little like ursula… not sure it can be learned.
it would be good for people if it could be learned though.
not being able to cope with things is sad to me. because life is constantly throwing really hard challenges at us. you cope or you go under.
i don’t like under.
i think the extreme losses of important people in my early life left a strange realization that… “ok. this is going to be what it’s like now. i have to accept it and move on.” it makes for a certain kind of inner strength.
and i’ve been doing that with crisis type situations ever since.
it was not anything i ‘thought out’ really. i don’t think like that very much.
i tend to simply be. that doesn’t make much sense i guess. and it’s certainly not very scientific. LOLOL. but my math and problem solving abilities peaked in the third grade. seriously. they really did.
i don’t analyze things very much.
maybe that makes me more of an abstract thinker?
LOL. i prefer that to… ‘not very bright.’ abstract covers a lot of territory!
and
isn’t that a beautiful sentence she wrote…
“even when they find themselves in the gutter… don’t lose their belief in the stars… anything is possible.”
yes.
that’s how i like to think i am. i hope it’s true.
phooey.
why are my comments always so long?
i don’t realize it in the little box. they don’t look long.
i just keep blabbing. then when i hit the post it box and see it…
i’m SHOCKED.
I love your comments!
Even if you haven’t consciously thought about it, you are one of the strongest, most resilient people I know. A combination of your father’s influence and the hard times you’ve endured?
I think I agree with both Tammy and Ursula.
I’m a lunatic who deals with things when they happen?
Sure, of course I worry and dwell on what COULD happen
and I might mentally plan out what I would do but I certainly don’t take “steps” to build my resilience.
Maybe, like Tammy, I have had a lot of death and loss in my life so I fall back on that when I think I can’t take the world any longer and remind myself – Hey, you survived THAT! you can survive anything!
I also think a person is made resilient because they have no other choice.
An example maybe would be a person who can’t fall and crumble because they don’t have the luxury of anyone being there to pick up the pieces, to support them financially if they “just can’t take it anymore”. The knowledge that there will be no one riding up on a white horse and making things OK. So, that person might beat their head against the ground and cry and whine about the unfairness of it all and eat unhealthy crap but they finally get up and do what they must because they don’t want to live in a cardboard box next to the bridge surrounded by their homeless pets.
Hmm. I might be a bit touchy on this subject! LOL!
I guess I have no patience for people who aren’t resilient simply because they don’t have to be.
and finally, Tammy. My comments are usually longer than yours! LOLOL!
but that’s why I like coming to Cheerful Monk. Everyone thinks though Jean’s questions and gives heartfelt answers rather than pat responses.
xoxoxo
Jeez, I’m going outside now to burn off some of this crankiness and whining.
Thank you for commenting! I was answering earlier but apparently it got deleted before I entered it.
I can certainly understand why you feel that way. You’ve been through so much that it must be hard to listen to privileged people complain.
I do think that a lot of people don’t finally get up and do what they must, at least in our terms. If they did we wouldn’t have so many people on drugs, etc. Your solution is much healthier!
Cindi,
And since not everyone does get up and do what they must, how about taking pride in what you have done? It’s not to be sneezed at!
And saying, “Hey, you survived THAT! you can survive anything!” is one of the most powerful ways of coping there is. Good for you!
I’m an “after thinker” – I can never come up with the answer on the spot, “oh I’ll have a little answer” but I have to go away and think on it a bit more…
I might actually answer a positive little one but really I’m actually thinking more negative and I have to rant/rave and analyse something – until I have it straighter in my head.
It might not mean telling the inquirer of the original question though because they either have moved on or they won’t understand anyway…
that is why I often say “it depends” 🙂