Resilience presents a challenge for psychologists. Whether you can be said to have it or not largely depends not on any particular psychological test but on the way your life unfolds. If you are lucky enough to never experience any sort of adversity, we won’t know how resilient you are. It’s only when you’re faced with obstacles, stress, and other environmental threats that resilience, or the lack of it, emerges: Do you succumb or do you surmount?
….One of the central elements of resilience is perception: Do you conceptualize an event as traumatic, or as an opportunity to learn and grow?
—Maria Konnikova, How People Learn to Become Resilient
Amen to that.
Keep curious and open to life. No matter what happens, keep learning and growing. Find what you love and find a way to share it with others.
—Cheerful Monk
There are never any guarantees in life, but I’m going to try to live that motto as long as I can.
February 28, 2016
I think having resilience depends on your support system.
I instantly thought of two people who I do not consider resilient.
One is someone who whines and moans about every little ache and pain and then instantly her family runs in a coddles her and helps her.
She doesn’t need to be resilient.
The other works a part-time job as her husband brings home a BIG paycheck. Every little inconvenience is a major tragedy to her. Yet she either has the family or the cash to fix most things, she doesn’t have to actually do much herself nor does she need to be resilient.
People who are resilient, in my opinion, feel like they have to be. They don’t have the luxury to lay in bed and cry, sure they can, for a day, or an hour but then reality hits and they get up and keep working. What else can they do? I mean other than live in a cardboard box or blow their brains out.
I guess I’m cranky today.
I just get so tired of people using labels, or whatever as an excuse.
I just want to scream and yell at them to shut up and that the world owes them nothing and to get to work fixing whatever the problem is.
Apparently my compassion for animals doesn’t extend to people.
Sorry.
I haven’t finished my coffee yet.
🙂 A great example of how having life easy doesn’t always lead to happiness.
As Maria suggests, I’ve never experienced any major adversity so I don’t think my resilience has been seriously tested. I’ve no idea if I would completely collapse under the stress or rise to the occasion. I always admire those people who suffer some dreadful calamity but somehow manage to get through it and emerge stronger than before.
It doesn’t have to be a dreadful calamity. From what you’ve written, you had plenty of adversity in your early life.
I’ve lived a charmed life. Winning the genetic and social lotteries (inherited good health and being born into wealth – in world terms).
There is a contradiction in Maria’s statements – we can measure perception by psychological testing; which should give a guess as to someone’s resilience.
I’m happy for you about your charmed life. 🙂
I learned resilience by being challenged as a child born into adversity. Since I didn’t have any choice about that, I just dug in and got it done. I’m actually happy about that, since not much scares me now.
I was lucky that way, too. And the nice thing about having all the projects on the land when Kaitlin was young was we worked together as a family and had a feeling of accomplishment together — as well as teaching her valuable skills.
I join you in living that motto.
Neat.
I like your motto!
and I aspire to it as well. especially the learning and growing.
and I would add the extreme importance of keeping an open mind.
which just goes along with growth I guess. but still worth mentioning!
my personal yardstick has been something in my mind that I use since I read about it all at the age of 15. it started with us having to read the diary of anne frank … then I went on to read the hiding place by corrie ten boom.
and then more about that whole war and era. it left its mark.
now. I equate my own suffering from anything and everything to those who endured the horrors of the holocaust.
I can’t even imagine such a time. and yet the human spirit not only survived it thrived. some of our most beloved comedians and writers came from parents who literally lived in those times. that’s what stays with me.
the fact that someone ALWAYS has now or has had it so much worse.
if I had lived through that maybe I could complain easier. I don’t know.
but… it’s just a reminder for me.
usually snaps me right out of it!
“… I would add the extreme importance of keeping an open mind.” For me that’s included in “Stay curious and open to life.”
I’ve always been aware of how lucky we are, too. Even as a kid I never expected life to be perfect. It’ a great attitude to have.
I get through things
But some of those things take more than a few years
However, during those years I learn a little more
For the better and occasionally for the worst
Now I flow with the follow and in reverse
You’ve been through a lot and have done a lot.