Do you agree with this video at all? It tickled me, but I try not to indulge in self-pity. It makes me feel sad and helpless. I agree with Virginia Satir,
Life is not what it’s supposed to be. It’s what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.
That attitude works better for me.
September 25, 2016
If there is a reason, I will pity myself. Someone has to. If you want a job well done do it yourself. Unless you need a plumber. Then do outsource.
“The way you cope … is what makes the difference”. Sure. But sometimes we can’t cope. Or maybe we can – particularly after we acknowledge that things are shite (enter self pity).
You know, Jean, I am perceived as a pretty strong person. And I am. But that doesn’t mean that nothing can touch me. Quite the opposite. Everything touches me. Thank god. That way I know I am alive. Responsive.
Tears you shed are like a sneeze of the soul. Cleansing a passage. Making way for taking a fresh breath.
I do pity those who think that self pity is a weakness. it isn’t. Being able to show that you are vulnerable is a strength. And let no Goliath try to take that immutable truth away from your David.
U
“But sometimes we can’t cope. Or maybe we can – particularly after we acknowledge that things are shite (enter self pity). ” Acknowledging our feelings is different from self-pity. Self-pity says life shouldn’t be the way it is and we can’t do anything about it except suffer. When I have strong feelings I prefer to experience them cleanly rather than muddying them up with stories about how helpless I am and about how unfair life is to me.
I totally disagree. It is the most destructive emotion and should not be allowed to enter one’s psyche. I am glad that I do suffer from it. If something hurts me, as it would normal people, I bounce back to my normal self in double quick time.
Or notice when it starts to enter our psyche and do something about it.
I’ve had the experience of being pitied by someone else, and I find it awful, a way of putting me down by raising themselves. Not at all the same thing as compassion. So I try to distinguish between pity and compassion, both in my relationship to myself as well as to other people. Self-pity, I agree, can make me feel sad and helpless. Compassion gives me a ground on which to stand in relation to the world as it is, as I observe my efforts, both successful and unsuccessful, to cope. (At least, that’s what I like to believe. 🙂 )
A Freudian might say: self-pity can be understood as the superego beating up on the ego or as the id sending messages about emotions. Lucky for us, we have that ego, the part of us which figures out how to acknowledge what is (both inside and outside us) and then how to cope with it, live with it all.
I’m a great believe in compassion too. That includes self-compassion and self-nurturing. Just ask my teddy bears. 🙂
oh I have had that happen…quite a lot – especially since my financial/general life position has arisen. As if what I’m doing needs to be rectified, somehow…
some people just get the “wrong end of the stick” and assume xyz…
I cannot see your picture today; I don’t know why.
One of my favorite cartoons is two ladies with their stockings off splashing in a puddle. One says to the other, “It’s OK to splash in the puddle of self pity occasionally but you are not supposed to get down and wallow in it.”
I love it! 🙂
I’m kinda battling self-pity myself right now.
I won’t go into it here but Yes, I do need a plumber!
(Seriously! AARRGGHHH!)
But, I’m working through it.
I just start thinking about 3 people I personally know right now who are fighting terminal cancer.
That is like a jolt!
How dare I whine about something that will eventually get fixed.
But I do like Linda’s take on it.
That it’s ok to acknowledge that it’s a bit of a bad patch and splash around in it for a bit but never ever wallow in it!
Thanks for this post!
XOXOXOXO
My favorite pity story was a 98-year-old woman being interviewed in a nursing home. The interviewer expected her to talk about her life. Instead the woman moaned, “Why me? Why do I have to die?”
I have short bursts of personalised tears, but once they are done and dusted, I’m back on deck. Sometimes, I can rectify the initial problem but if I can’t I try to let it go – or I might find a way around it…
Just last week when I cleaning the carpet in the back room (used it as art space), I felt that the property owners had been dam unfair to me over the house interior maintenance…and how would fixing it up now, mean something better for the house structure. I burst into tears
Then I remember why I was doing a close cleaning – I WAS MOVING ON…
I can understand why that would upset you! It’s bad enough they wouldn’t make needed repairs while you were there, but to rub it in about how they’re now going to fix it up….
hmmm…
I got from the little video that as a child you learn to pity yourself so that you will eventually understand and relate to others when they need pity?
or maybe I just missed the entire point. I don’t know. it’s late and I’m on my way to bed! 🙂
I wrote my last post about the bugle call because I could see myself slipping into self pity over this wretched climate! but I always am saved from the precipice at the last moment. so no. I don’t like self pity. it’s pointless really. and it saps your energy I’ve found!
lately the thing that helps me avoid it is thinking of all the refugees of the world. OMG. that puts things into perspective PDQ!
I sympathize with you about the heat there! But as you say, since you can’t move it’s best to focus on what you can do to make yourself happier. Doing the best we can with what we’ve got.
The Stoic part of me would engage in some unseemly self-pity if I had been required to set the author of that video straight.
I thought the video was funny, even though I disagree with the fellow.
I couldn’t see the video either. No problem, I’ll get your next picture, I’m sure! I think if you feel a bout of self-pity coming on, you have two choices, feel it, or stuff it down. It’s healthier by far to allow yourself to feel it. Just make sure it’s brief and real. A few tears help too. Then move on and get on with life!
I agree!
I entirely disagree. I think self-pity is a destructive and pointless emotion that should be avoided. I’m not prone to self-pity myself. When I’m in a crisis, I might feel fed-up or frustrated or annoyed for a while, but then I bounce back and get on with solving the problem. My father used to wallow in self-pity and it just made him more and more disgruntled and cranky.
I think self-pity can fall into different layers…
You see it as pointless but then say you can have it for “a while” – which is probably where the majority of the human race fall into.
Your father may have choices but he chose the one that drew himself down into more or less a mental issue. And it’s great that you have not inherited that gene…
Another layer might be to do with something that really is non-personal i.e. if you keep thinking that USA election being something dreadful – but you don’t let it take over your life, rather you make comments here and there like “why us” OR if I something you believe you can’t change, but you somehow live with it. So while it might link into your “for a while” – somehow you overcome it for the sake of yourself…
I don’t relate to the USA election other than the comments drifting down to NZ but I do relate to “somehow live with it” and finally I took a very bold step and found a new home…which I’ve only been here since last Saturday but I’m so much happier (will be happier when I find everything )