Alyssa Monks’ TED talk touched my heart because I too was privileged to help nurse my mother as she was dying of cancer, because Andy and I are no doubt facing serious losses in the not-so-distant future, and because she understands the power and beauty of curiosity and exploration.
November 1, 2016
Interesting – with regards to her learning curve as a painter, not least because as she encourages (towards the end of her talk) to show our “vulnerability”. I couldn’t agree more. Difficult though in a world where the merest whimper is rebuked by (a certain type of) others because it makes them uncomfortable. On the whole I’d rather go to a boot camp under a benignly vicious sargeant major than try to pacify the forever and unreflecting “sunny side up” brigade. At least, at the end of a day in boot camp, everyone expects you to feel slightly worse for wear (till the next day). In fact, I imagine bruises and leeches are worn as badges of honour. Insert smiley.
Of more interest, and I am not sure I do interpret this correctly, Jean: What do you mean by “Andy and I are no doubt facing serious losses in the not-so-distant future”? Are you referring to your age and what it may bring? You both seem to be remarkably fit (not least mentally). And you may surprise yourselves pleasantly – some people literally just die of old age at a snail’s pace gradual decline, rather than being subjected to ravages of the cruelest kind.
You like hugs, Jean. Here is one. Have some more. And I am sure the rest of your readers are forming an orderly queue to do same.
Affectionately,
Ursula
Thanks for the hugs. We can all always use them!
Yes, I was referring to our age. We are very fit for our ages, but time flies and there are no guarantees. For me the best preparation is to appreciate what we have while we still have it, and use the little adversities that come along to practice our courage, patience, and resourcefulness.
“Stay curious and open to life. No matter what happens keep learning and growing. Find what you love and find a way to share it with others.” That’s what works for me.
And hugs, hugs, and more hugs!
The universe seems to be sending messages about aging, caregiving, care receiving, death etc as we cross the mid sixties. One way or the other, I seem to get some link to something like this or the other.
This one is awesome. Thanks.
The number of us oldsters keeps growing and growing, so it’s no surprise there is a lot more chat about it. 🙂
I’m glad you liked the talk too.
how I wish I had heard her message when my own mother was dying of lung cancer… and then my husband from throat cancer.
I was the fighter. I fought it to the end. it was the enemy. and if they were too weak then I would try to fight it FOR them.
only we all know that’s really impossible. it’s a strictly personal thing.
I wasted our last times together … my mother first and a few years later… my husband. I wasted our time in fighting the foe. I was so young and foolish.
they knew my own suffering and they endured it even while it added to their own.
and I long ago have asked their forgiveness in my mind and heart since it’s too late to ask it personally.
I added to their suffering with my own inability to accept it.
but I DID learn from it. as you just DO in life. if you’re at all aware.
like the speaker did at first… I researched everything I could get my hands on. I have ALWAYS been a big follower and believer in alternative medicine.
but it was prior to the network. so it was more difficult. I was their caregiver.
so as they slept … because ill people keep odd hours of exhaustion and sleep… I researched. and meditated. and WILLED. and used energy I didn’t even have to keep the life force going for someone else.
I have long since realized (with simply personal growth) that I robbed myself AND them of precious moments of just being connected at the most critical level.
that of realizing that on that simple level … pared down to the circle itself. it’s just LIFE. and death is part of that.
and like she says… it can be beautiful. the beautiful awful.
thank you for this post and link monk.
it is a reminder for me to continue to accept that wisdom. and should I need it (and I will no doubt) in the future it will hold me in good stead. xo
I’m so sorry you had to go through that with your mother and with Bob.
My mother had a hard life at times when I was younger, and when we were miles apart we would talk on the phone and I would listen. I would feel torn up afterwards because I couldn’t help. But when we talked again she would say the phone call had helped so much. So I gradually learned that sometimes just being there is enough.
I’m so glad you have your marine.
definitely thought provoking…thanks
I’m glad you liked it too.