I think Rat has something there. The Danes have consistently been declared the happiest people on earth, so I read several books to see why that might be. One answer was they didn’t expect much from life, so they were never disappointed. Not quite the answer people might have expected.
December 3, 2016
The key to my happiness is definitely not related to lowering my expectations – I want to take/use as much as is possible for me to have…
Although, on saying that there are things I desire greatly but for now they stay firmly in the background and have for many decades. I would dearly have loved to have had a normal well life.
Not one that I have to self-manage to be mostly top side. Right now, I’m on a downside and it came home to me yesterday how many people (I know, mostly short termers) have no idea about my issues – especially health wise…
a long story that I’m not sure I will ever address …
As I’ve said before, I admire you so much. You haven’t let your health problems keep you down even though it is a struggle.
thanks Jean…I only have some very close dear friends who really understand (here) and one of them was to be my chauffeur as we attended one of our groups – but instead she is going to pick up some food/groceries and bring them after the group – early arvo…
she laughed that 2 seconds after we hung up that I called back and said 2-3 apples, please – so although it’s not a big shop up – it will supplement what has run out fresh wise. Including a loaf of bread…
I have supplies of the frozen/canned kind but having fresh is always nicer…I had run out my bread supply a couple of days ago, so I make some quick things “pikelets” which I did enjoy and can make them easily…
I don’t think the secret of life is having lower expectations. It’s having high expectations and doing your best to achieve them but not taking it badly if those expectations aren’t met. Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and try again.
I’m more of “anything worth doing is worth doing poorly” type. Plenty of involvement and experimenting without the pressure.
that sounds like the advice to shift from ”have what i want” to ”want what i have.” finding the balance between those is what i try for. when it works, i feel great. about those happiness studies… i’ve read some, and i have the impression that ”expecting much” was defined in effect by saying that danes don’t hanker after porsches when they have a perfectly good honda. to me, this is not a lowering of expectations but an opening into many possibilities denied to those whose life energies go into getting porsches.
hm, wonder if that porsche and honda metaphor works.
My prescription for happiness is to ask myself every day (1) what’s good about my life? (2) what needs to be done, and (3) how can I get this done and enjoy the process? Appreciation plus enjoying the process works for me.
I’ve watched/am watching three Netflix programs made in Denmark: Rita and Dicte via streaming and Borgen on DVDs. As one would expect, there are plenty of problems to be dealt with. No more joyful than American TV. It is fun to see how they portray daily life there.
I’ve always wanted a Mercedes.
Why? I’m hoping that deep down it’s not a shallow reason but more about the workmanship, design, elegance of it…
But it could also be some shallowness on my part too…
I just wanted one badly – forever.
Now I have my Honda, and gotta say, I’m pretty happy about it!
and all the money I saved!
LOL!
😉
I don’t see anything wrong with some shallow wants. As long as they don’t hurt others or make us unhappy.
I think I am happy because since childhood I have always had a rich fantasy life. it was helpful as a child moving around so much. and now it’s just there.
as simple as breathing for me.
I also am not competitive. nor do I envy others. those too things seem to help enormously in being happy I think.
these things are not good for everyone out there. but they work for me.
other than recently having to come to terms finally with the climate where I live… I can honestly say that I’m very happy.
Probably for me it’s curiosity and an interest in lifelong learning. That plus a lifelong interest in mood management because I was depressed for a while when I was a kid and had to figure out how to be happy again.
To me, having expectations always seemed a dangerous thing—there is so much likelihood of things going wrong, and not having them met. I think I’ve always tried to leave a door open to the possibility of good things happening, and am frequently pleasantly surprised!
I’m the same way. Delightful surprises are a lot more fun than disappointments. 🙂
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.
In fact I’m trying to word it correctly
and do a blog post about my thoughts.
But several things have got me to thinking about this.
One was an email from a friend who pointed out some things to me.
Another was some posts from Mike Rowe about how a lot of people who do blue collar work are VERY happy.
How they take pride in doing a job well done and then living a good family life, just Enjoying LIFE and not feeling the need to climb some corporate ladder and work all the time….
and of course…I’m currently watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” and that makes a good point how a small life can also be a BIG life.
(Hmm, I think that will be my post title! )
😉
xoxoxoxoxo
One of the main reasons I was attracted to Andy was he enjoyed his work and he had a sense of humor. Neither one of us are status conscious or wanted to “succeed” according to other people’s ideas. I still remember when Andy was finishing up his Ph.D. and was offered a Postdoc at Harvard. We both agreed, “Yuck!” Andy’s father felt differently. It was clear he wished Andy would take it. So at one point he asked me, “Do you think Andy will take the postdoc?” I said, “Not if I have anything to do with it.” (Yes, it was a bit cheeky, but he had a strong personality and was quite capable of taking care of himself.) He briefly looked upset, then his face brightened. “Well, you’re not married yet!” There was still hope. 🙂
Out of curiosity, Jean, and because I am not familiar with the “system” in the States: Why would you turn up your nose at being offered, and turn down, a “post doc” (whatever that is) at Harvard?
U
U,
Because in general the people at Harvard think they are better than other people and aren’t very friendly. That’s not our style.
This happiness business is something that keeps coming up again and again. In my book, happiness is when expectation meets reality and since my current expectations are basic, I am happy. For the younger still striving people, when reality meets expectation, new expectations or different ones turn up and that is why there is so much unhappiness.
So you agree with Rat. 🙂