Doing the best we can with what we have left.
I used to say that to Andy’s mother years ago when we were both dealing with some health problems. She liked it then, and I still like it now. That’s why I especially admire two people in my Silver Sneakers class.
The first is Joe. He’s 95 years old and comes almost every time. He comes early to help set up the chairs, and he goes at his own pace during the class. We seldom talk, but we smile a lot.
The other is Birgitte. She was back Monday after being out four months healing from an automobile accident. She was driving by the entrance to a mall when a fellow sped out, crashed into her, and totaled both cars. She passed out, presumably with her foot on the accelerator, shot across two lanes of traffic coming towards her, broke through a fence, and was finally stopped by a tree. She cracked most of her ribs on one side and broke both knees. It’s amazing she wasn’t killed, and that she’s back on her feet already — she’s 80 (82?) years old. Presumably her being in good shape helped a lot.
She says she still hurts, but she didn’t complain about the other driver or feel sorry for herself. She’s mainly focusing on doing what she can to help herself recover.
Both Joe and Birgitte are stark contrasts to a 98-year-old I read about. She was being interviewed in the nursing home, and the interviewer expected her to talk about her life. Instead she said,
Why me? Why do I have to die?
Self-pity works for some people, but it doesn’t make me happy. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t mourn the inevitable losses in life — that’s Item 10 in The Traits of Stress-Hardy, Resilient People. But mourning is different from why-me-itis. So I’ll continue to admire people like Joe and Birgitte. And continue doing the best I can with what I have left.
Considering how fragile the human body is it’s amazing what it can withstand.
The old lady you mention asking “why me” sounds more stupid than self-pitying. After all, we all die at some point so it’s not as if fate has singled her out. She is probably scared at her future “prospect” – and I don’t blame her.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with an occasional bout of self-pity. It’s just a helpless raging against … whatever misfortune has befallen you – a stage to get to grips with circumstances, a bit like the several stages of grieving we go through. I am not given to self pity but that’s largely because I tend to blame myself when things go pear shaped.
Anyway, upshot being that I think we should all cut each other some slack – says she of exacting standards. But I mean it. And I do. I think if I didn’t I wouldn’t be the happy go lucky person I am.
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Cutting one another a lot of slack. I’m a great believer in that:
The downside of human consciousness.
One of my favorite cartoons is a caveman on a therapist’s couch, saying,
Great post Monk. I know some people like the two you mention. Amazing spirit and attitude. It is all about character.
Agreed.
I don’t think self pity has really ever helped anyone. and if a person spends long enough in that sad state the body will take it’s cue and things will get worse. that’s what I feel about it anyway!
people like birgitte are like my friend celia who was diagnosed with a rare form of breast cancer. it was in many places throughout her body. she was given maybe three months to live.
that was over 5 months ago. she opted for a mastectomy and chemo and radiation. there is only one spot left now the size of a pea. and they feel confident in eradicating that.
she is the ‘child of the dust bowl’ I wrote a post about once on the peanut.
she simply gets on with life. no time is wasted in self pity.
she will be 86 this summer. and enjoys a full and active life! she has an amazing attitude.
We’re blessed to know people like that. 🙂
I try to do the best I can…even at times when life throws me a rotten apple or my hands put pressure on daily life.
Today it was the sliding door on the shed which I was definitely having problems with but Greg – just reached over and said “let me get that…” he knows I’ve a bit of a tremor, but he didn’t just push me away as some might.
Greg FYI is the previous tenant here, still having problems with some of his mail, so he dropped by to pick something up today….