In a comment on Failure or Feedback, Rummuser wrote:
I doubt very much that anyone can be comfortable with failure. I would imagine that eventually successful people would be able to cope with failure and other setbacks better than others.
For me the trick is not to make a big deal about feeling uncomfortable — it’s just part of the process. Some of the happiest moments of my life were when I either stepped out or was forced out of my comfort zone. If there’s a good match between the challenge and one’s abilities, it can be invigorating. As I explained in What I Learned From Being Downsized, one of the happiest periods of my life was when Andy and I were both threatened with being downsized. It was scary, but also exciting. And it’s the reason I chose to become an expert on stress management — learning to use the energy of stress productively. It’s an experience I still cherish.
What about you? Are you/have you been happiest when you’ve been completely comfortable or when you’ve been challenged?
November 19, 2014
People who are happy being uncomfortable are called masochists CM! That is a perfectly acceptable state of psychological existence for them. I simply have not been challenged perhaps to have experienced that kind of existence.
Sorry, it’s not enjoying the discomfort for its own sake, it’s seeing the bigger picture and being happy in spite of the discomfort. I had morning sickness for three months when I was carrying Kaitlin, and I was also extremely happy. It was a small price to pay for having the baby I wanted.
I’m curious about the meditation retreats you used to go on. Were they always comfortable? If not, were you being a masochist?
I like being comfortable and don’t like stressful situations. That’s part of why I aimed for doing well as an instructor rather than seeking advancement to higher positions in the company or elsewhere like many of my contemporaries. Some were very successful, but others floundered along the way.
However, I did push the envelope within my field, trying new techniques, and sometimes failing.
I think you were smart to avoid getting into management. Andy was the same way, and one of the things that attracted me to him was he wasn’t interested in status. He enjoyed working and getting things done.
Did you ever experience any tension when you were pushing the envelope? For me before I
I think you were smart to avoid getting into management. Andy was the same way, and one of the things that attracted me to him was he wasn’t interested in status. He enjoyed working and getting things done.
Did you ever experience any tension when you were pushing the envelope? For me before I see the solution to a problem, have an insight, there’s always a period of tension while my subconscious is working on it. It’s just part of the process and worth it.
Sure. There were a lot of times that I wasn’t ready for a class until just before the first teach (in continuing training we would teach the same class to each crew), and sometimes not even then. A few times, it came across so miserably that it had to be reworked entirely before the next week’s class. In the long run, it paid off in better pay raises and credibility with the customer (the operators and Operations Department).
I do my therapy & strengthening “Tortures” everyday & I’d be unhappy if I didn’t do them because they help.
Going up a steep mountain on a bicycle trip I said that we all had several syllable names & our husbands all had one syllable names & blah/blah. Lenora said I had an active mind. I asked what she was thinking.
She said “My butt is sore (small hard bicycle seats), my legs ache, my back is stiff, I’m tired, I’m thirsty & this climb is never going to end. 😀
Yes, active minds help a lot. They can keep us entertained — better than focusing on the discomfort. I assume the payoff of bicycling was worth it?
It reminds me of the hikers’ prayer — about their legs — “Oh, Lord, if You can pick them up, I can put them down.”
interesting.
so many kinds of discomfort!
i find as i age… i actually can overcome physical discomfort very well. i almost look at it as a challenge and a weird friend. i overcome. and each time i grow stronger.
mental discomfort… when reading about forms of abuse. torture. waste of precious environment. pain and hopelessness of others… those are the forms of discomfort i find the most difficult to endure. they strike at my very heart. i find it hard to overcome that kind of discomfort.
I agree. Every time we overcome, we become stronger. It’s best to avoid reading about the second kind of discomfort if it affects our health and we can’t do anything to improve things. Nature, including human nature, can be very cruel by our standards.
I love being challenged! I create challenges for myself when life is getting too mundane. I map out a tough route to ride on my mountain bike or I choose a new kind of photo that I want to figure out how to make. I definitely am not happy when I’m not challenged.
Why am I not surprised? 🙂 I love reading your posts. You’re a lot more adventuresome than I am!
Not to mention more athletic. I’m a complete klutz, or to put it more kindly, my talents lie in other areas. 🙂
Yes, meditation retreats are uncomfortable to start with. Like any physical activity that you start anew, in the initial stages you will experience pain soreness and discomfort and like that when you start meditation to start with there will be physical discomfort as you will be doing something totally new, sitting still for up to an hour at a time, then you get used to it and you are no longer uncomfortable. Yes, that is masochism to start with knowing that the reward is worth the price. But, I think that you miss the point and you are arguing about semantics. I am saying that one cannot be happy being uncomfortable. No more no less. If you were happy with your morning sickness, you must be the only one to have ever been so but your qualification that the larger picture that the discomfort was worth going through for the joy of motherhood, you and I are saying the same thing.
“I am saying that one cannot be happy being uncomfortable.” I’m afraid we’re not saying the same thing. I was incredibly happy at the time. I also remember driving back from Santa Fe with Kaitlin once. She was sick to her stomach and we had bought her a bucket so she could vomit in it, and she used it. We still had a great time laughing and talking and agreed that being sick didn’t mean we couldn’t be happy. Some of us just have a great capacity for joy.
Now I’m not saying I would be happy in all circumstances. Epicurus said a wise man would be happy on the rack. I’m not that wise! But he’s my hero. When he was on his deathbed he wrote (no doubt dictated) a letter, saying,
Courage and kindness to the end. The opposite of masochism.
It’s similar to this story of the Buddha, who was violently ill when he died, presumably from food poisoning:
According to stories he conversed with his friends and was looking forward to liberation.