Stay curious and open to life. No matter what happens keep learning and growing.
—The Cheerful Monk
Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin. It is, as far as he knows, the only way of coming downstairs, but sometimes he feels that there really is another way, if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it.
—A. A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
Whenever I find myself temporarily stuck in life, I think of the Winnie-the-Pooh quote. I also think of a single mother I once read about. She was overworked, overwhelmed and in a support group. She was working until 7 o’clock every evening to make ends meet and didn’t have enough time with her young son. On weekends she had to do chores and clean the apartment. Again, she didn’t have quality time with her child. The other people in the group felt for her and kept making suggestions for how she could lighten her load, but she could always explain why those suggestions wouldn’t work. Then one Saturday she finally decided she had enough. She hired a student to clean the apartment and went to the zoo with her child. They had a great time, and it gave her some needed perspective.
The next morning she scoured the newspaper for other available jobs. It turned out all the ones that appealed to her were just like the one she already had. Except for the hours, her job was a great match for her. So she rethought what she was doing at work, and on Monday she talked to her boss about a way she could get the job done and still leave at 5 every evening. It turned out that was fine with him…it had been her assumptions that had been keeping her stuck. Until then she hadn’t been able to get beyond her perceptions to see the situation clearly.
Not all situations can be turned around this easily, but I do believe that reality, the world, is more complex than our small minds can comprehend. We make “maps” of how the world is. They’re stories we make up based on our experience. When things are going well, these maps are adequate. When what we’re doing, what we’re perceiving, doesn’t work, we need to revise our maps, our stories. When we’re stuck it means we have options we can’t yet see…we’re shutting out information that could help. So one of the greatest favors we can do for ourselves is to stay open to life and not trap ourselves by the stories we tell. A commitment to holy curiosity and lifelong learning is empowering.
What about you? What new things are you learning? How is your view of life, the world, opening up with time? Do you find yourself recapturing that feeling of magic, the feeling that you’re seeing the world anew, with all the joy that comes with it? Please share your thoughts and experience in the comments section.
Picture by Dude Crush via Flickr. Creative Commons license.
Thanks to Robert, bikehikebabe, Dar, Adam Kamerer, Adam Alexander, Ellen, Sean, Truthteller, Square-Peg Karen, Craig Harper and Tracy Ho for commenting on last week’s post.
I get in the habit of doing things the same way when there’s a better way. Now I think of different ways & make small changes for the better.
Last week I did a 5 day meditation retreat, a kind of new thing for me. It was intense. I have no words to describe where I went on my journey inside myself, but I feel like I’ve come out with a new brain. I feel like it altered the way I think, I feel more supported inside, and don’t feel inclined to go back to some old habits to which I’ve been too attached. Sitting cross legged for 6 hours a day is grueling, times I wanted to stand up and scream, or leap in my car and speed off into the distance. But as a fast track way for some inner renovation for me it was quite effective.
bikehikebabe and Wendy,
Thanks for sharing your experiences. At the moment I’m using bikehikbabe’s approach: small steady changes. But it’s nice to know if we want to make a big change quickly that Wendy’s method works so well. Please let us know if you have to meditate regularly to maintain your new way of being.
I find that my view of things open the widest when I simply ask this beautiful sunny side question. What’s good about this? It’s all good is the best assumption I’ve ever made because it causes me to look for and then see the good.
I also believe that any movement works. Just by getting up and walking around my perspective changes and I can then see openings that I was once blind to.
Tom,
Your “What’s good about this?” is similar to my “What’s the opportunity here?” I agree, good questions do open our minds and redirect our attention. Thanks for coming by!
Yes, usually “impossible” is more a set of imaginary walls we have constructed around our lives and our thinking than the true reality of our situation.
Personally, I am becoming more and more aware that I should have as much passion and energy for my career as I put into other things in life, eg blogging and fatherhood. I am sick of settling, and pretending that I enjoy my work. Sure, my job is ok. But as I wrote about this week, I want more.
Peter,
I think it’s great you want more fulfilling work. As you know, that’s one of the things I care most about. My dad used to tell me, “Watch what I do and do the opposite.” He was a conscientious worker, but he hated his job, and his main hobby was going to bars and drinking. He could be very happy and fun to be around when he was drinking, but he hated himself afterwards. So the reason I worked so hard when I was in high school and college was because I wanted to find work that I loved and to be as happy as my dad without resorting to alcohol or other drugs.
I think it’s great you love blogging and fatherhood. You have something solid to build on. Let me know if you try What Color Is Your Parachute? Bolles revises it every year to keep it up to date, and it looks like a fun way to search for a new career.
🙂 Thanks for coming by.
Peter,
As you know, I’m a great fan of your blog.
I remember before college graduation I would always read these help self books and other literature, like how to plan for the real world, how to land a job and everything, but now looking back I realize that just from being out there I’ve learned so much more. We do create imaginary walls for ourselves and sometimes get so caught up in just going through the motions that it feels like someone just stole the day or weeks from us and we have nothing to show for it.
chris,
I know what you mean about the days just slipping by. About having nothing to show for it…I’m not sure I feel that way. I’ve always been growth, rather than achievement, oriented, so as long as I keep exploring, learning and sharing, I don’t feel I’m wasting my time. That’s why I love having my basic philosophy, it keeps me in tune with what my life is about.
One suggestion self-help books make is to write your own obituary. What would you like people to say about you after you die? I don’t care what they say, what I care about is how I live my day-by-day moments. What about you? What do you care about?
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to the best of her knowledge she never intentionally hurt anyone.
she loved nature but was alarmed by its eat and/or be eaten reality. she was a vegetarian because of that sense of cruelty.
she talked to trees. she loved stones, the rain and misty grey skies with cool air.
she was best friend to all dogs.
she dressed simply and lived simply. she didn’t like stuff.
she laughed easily and considered it to be the magic glue.
she talked too much but she listened when you needed her to.
she tried to understand. people. life. love. sorrow.
she was ready for the next big adventure.
(that is what i’d like my obituary to say)
tammy,
I love it! Thank you so much for letting us get to know you.