A recent Newsweek article, High on Anxiety, points out that some people would consciously choose to feel anxious or angry instead of happy. In fact, I’ve known people like that. They felt that if they were too relaxed they would lose their competitive edge. To them the unpleasantness of feeling pressured was more than worth the increase in their productivity and achievement.
I had a boss like that once. He didn’t agree with my philosophy that working at something you loved was the best way to go… you would be totally immersed in a project without the negative effects of stress. He was sure that people worked best if they were afraid of losing their jobs or their prestige. I certainly couldn’t argue with him, he was internationally known in his field and even though he had high blood pressure it hasn’t killed him yet. But when I saw him a few months ago (long after retirement) he was disappointed he hadn’t achieved more in life. And when I remember working in his group I think of it as one of the most rewarding jobs I ever had. Who’s to say? I’m happy with my choice and presumably he would make the same choice if he had to do it over again.
What about you? How important is happiness to you? What else might be more important?
Not so much happiness as joy (elated calmness).
I’m not convinced that stress yields productivity or creative thought. There are good reasons to think quite the opposite.
Anger does have the energy to help us break through blocks (including outmoded ways of thinking).
More important than happiness. Kindness to others, creation of beauty, achieving a more equitable world. But then I think these are quite compatible with joy.
I think people like your boss were probably rewarded by their parents for achievement but not given love. I think it is quite sad. It is likely that they could be happier and more productive.
Depends on the job, ambition, ability, and motivation — and, even then, it’s a gamble.
I passed up an company sponsored college degree opportunity in the 1980s that would have positioned me well in all of those. About 20 of my peers entered the program. I didn’t have the ambition to go much beyond what I was doing at the time.
Some succeeded beyond all expectations and, today, work as senior executive in nuclear power plants around the country.
A few made it into middle management a step or two beyond the position they took when they entered the program.
Most, however, didn’t advance. After years in that position, they rotated out to other jobs at the same level or slightly below. Most are gone now, either retired or gone to another company to work. Some did both. One was terminated due to a fitness for duty issue (marijuana).
I don’t measure success by position and income. I measure by satisfaction.
I have had both types of bosses in my life, and I think my enthusiasm and joy of the work rubbed off on my people when I became boss. Luckily for me, I was able to enjoy whatever I did and sort of drifted upwards in my career. Naturally, I prefer happiness.
I’ve been seeing for 1/2 hour or more the thousands celebrating in Tahiri Square, Egypt. Funny thing. I see in close-ups they are angry. Angry at the 3 decades of oppression more than happy at the freedom they are getting.
where am I on the happiness globe?
where do I get on the stressed out worried mode?
on this second question, I don’t very well in this mode…I tend to worry even more about the whether it could get worse. UNTIL I stop worrying and see other sides that actually almost erase most of the 1st worry.
yesterday, I was very annoyed, even angry when I got an email in the middle of the day that said “I’m sorry, you won’t get your order today because I forgot to order the courier” – I was annoyed for a couple of reasons: I ran about on Tuesday putting money in their account because they changed the way they do business since last year; I really needed it for sales today, Saturday…
We don’t currently have any other business, we could this type of business with so we are plain and simple stuck. They have promised delivery on Monday!
nice but that has thrown Monday completely out because I have no idea what time the large package will arrive!
Finally, I remembered that we do have other new stock for sale but at the time, it wasn’t on my radar!! I finally calmed down but not before that business would have had ‘ears burning/angry customer’ (I have a very nasty short fuse but once I have gotten it out of my system, I’m more calm and collected and only vaguely annoyed, most of the time!)
I prefer to keep a happy stance and go with the flow…to save the above getting right out kilter with me!!
Evan,
I’m guessing what I call happiness you call joy.
From what he said my boss did have a loving mother but they were poor. When his mother and father got divorced when he was in his teens he chose to go with his father. I think it was a hard choice, but his father was moving to Southern California and my boss figured it would be easier to get a good education there.
I also think it’s not just parenting that makes a difference, people are also born with different personalities.
Mike,
My husband and I are like you. I decided not to get a Ph. D. because I was interested in other things. And my husband refused to go into management because he liked solving technical problems rather than leading people.
rummuser,
The interesting thing about that fellow was he was a great boss. He encouraged enthusiasm and initiative. The group disbanded 20 years ago and because of the warm feelings a lot of people came to a reunion last summer. Unfortunately the boss didn’t think that was nearly as important as the fact he didn’t leave anything more tangible as his legacy. I felt sorry for him.
Cathy,
Good luck! What a nuisance that fellow created for you.
bikehikebabe,
I get the impression the Egyptians did start celebrating when Mubarak finally left.
My patterns seem a bit the same, but perhaps a bit backward in orientation. If I try to work only on what I love, what happens when I inevitably get tired of it? Usually I try to make a conscious decision to love and be passionate about what I am given to work on. Of course that can be the house work my boss assigns me at home just as well as the technical things I get assigned at work.
I’m sure temperament is important. Two kids can react in very different ways to the same situation and parenting.
“I get the impression the Egyptians did start celebrating when Mubarak finally left.”
Closeups of the crowd showed angry people the night it was announced. (They were angry about 3 decades of Mubarak.) The next day showed happy crowds.
How about this? The Egyptians were angry at Mubarak & happy to be liberated from him. You can be both, happy & angry at the same time.
Basically it’s a lifestyle choice–being a happy or an angry person, but anger can’t be helped sometimes.
Bloody hell, Jean. What heartfelt comments you managed to extract here.
Let me cotton on to your use of the concept of “anxious”. I am Ms Happy Go Lucky Flying by the Seats of her Pants. I am happy, I have a big smile on my face – for anyone, always. Yet, my anxiety level – I’d say – is high. Always has been. Not as in panic, or refusing to jump off an 8 ft wall. More like a guard – anticipating what MIGHT be round the corner. Always prepared. Physically, emotionally. Never to be caught out. Ready to deal with what life throws my way. Life has been very good to me. And I hope it’ll stay that way. But – as happy as I am by disposition (and I chime with Evan, Mike and Looney on many of their points) – I cannot help looking over my shoulder.
I disagree that we have a choice in the matter – I was born that way. And it stands me in good stead. Anxiety, anger and happiness are not mutually exclusive. They are part of our personal jigsaw.
U
Looney,
That’s my philosophy too. I love this recipe:
It helps keep me focused.
Evan,
Amen to that!
bikehikebabe,
I didn’t see the video you’re talking about and don’t know exactly when it was filmed. I do know that Mubarak tried to hang on at the last moment, so maybe that was part of the Egyptians’ reactions: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/02/11/AR2011021106690.html?wpisrc=nl_headline
Ursula,
I agree we’re born with certain temperaments and ways of viewing the world, and we also have choices of what we do with those temperaments. That’s what the Enneagram is all about.
And I thoroughly agree that anxiety/stress/anger aren’t incompatible with happiness. That’s what the optimizing stress graph is all about:
Presumably the fellow in the cartoon wouldn’t agree with this graph. He would get rid of the happiness on the y-axis and say the more stress the higher the performance. The curve wouldn’t turn around at nearly so low a stress level.
About looking over one’s shoulder… I’m primarily a Six in the Ennegram way of looking at things and that’s what we do. I no longer worry but do have a good time making contingency plans.
Oops! The latest version of WordPress doesn’t seem to let me put pictures in comments any more. It took them out of comments in previous posts too. Click here for the graph..
Jean, just did that test (short version) and came out as No 7 The Enthusiast.
The busy, productive type. Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over-extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied.
One point behind, thus closely followed by No 8:The powerful, aggressive type. Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering. Eights feel they must control their environment, especially people, sometimes becoming confrontational and intimidating. Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable. At their Best: self-mastering, they use their strength to improve others’ lives, becoming heroic, magnanimous, and inspiring.
No surprises there then. Can see why you are No 6. Did what they asked – not pondering, just ticking on impulse. Though reading through the excerpts of all types I can see bits of myself in all of them, except no 9. Peacemaker – me? Gave that up when I left home.
U
I’ll have to find my Enneagram book & see what I am. I read it once but forget. I agree Ursula you are a 7 / 8.
BHB, getting confused now with blogs. Left this on mine in comment box, no relation.
Going by the short version which is all I have, I’d say you are No. 2
“The caring, interpersonal type. Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.”
Who knows. I do.
U
OMG that is so not me. I’m self-sacrificing, loving & helpful to my kids, but I don’t care a rats ass about anyone else–except you & Jean.
Oh well, I sometimes like to be close to others & don’t acknowledge my own needs.
Jean says I’m a No. 1. ‘Things should be done a certain way & is bothered when they are not.’ That’s me. I want it done my way. Unfortunate. I’ll have to ask what’s good about me as a No. 1.
On the enneagram I’m a 5,4 I think (or vice versa, they’re the numbers anyway).
Ursula,
I can see you as a Seven/Eight too.
BHB,
From the internet:
That’s the ideal. Often Ones simply want to be right and have other people do things their way. That can make them unhappy when others don’t agree.
Evan,
I have a lot of Five in me too. When I was in my teens I had traits associated with Fours, but not so much any more.
This morning on the phone bikehikebabe pointed out that my attitude toward my newborn daughter was definitely a Six reaction. I assumed Kaitlin was such a miracle she wouldn’t live to see her first birthday. I wasn’t sad about that, I was just determined to make the most of the experience while she was still here. That’s the best part of being a Six, not taking things for granted, appreciating the present moment while still having contingency plans.
Obviously I don’t know the background regarding Kaitlin. How very moving what you write.
I was termed an “elderly primi gravida”. I ask you? Elderly? In my mid thirties? How soon did they want me to start? Had barely recovered from helping my mother with her brood. And then nature takes over. Big time. All you want is that baby. Barely into my sixth week of pregnancy started bleeding (23 Feb – my mother’s birthday). Eventually gave birth to a boy – strong and healthy. On the highest centile of the chart. Every time his friendly face, his big smile and long blond locks pop round the door (now nineteen years on) I feel such happiness. And Kaitlin clearly made it well past her first birthday. It’s great being a mother. Yet so painful. Locked up somewhere inside.
U
“Obviously I don’t know the background regarding Kaitlin.”
Ursula, there was nothing wrong with Kaitlin. She was a healthy baby. Jean is a Six. They look for something going wrong.
Now me, I’m a One. My neighbor called & said Marie had eaten a bottle (rest of bottle ???) of orange flavored baby aspirin. I said she’s fine. She’s asleep. It could have been a coma, but I wouldn’t think of that. I’m not a Six.
Ursula and bikehikebabe,
“All you want is that baby.” I was well aware that babies can be born with problems, so I wasn’t mentally rushing. I just enjoyed the pregnancy while I was going through it, with hopes but without expectations. I really do believe in enjoying the process.