Life isn’t the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.
—Virginia Satir
Todd Goldfarb wrote a great piece on How to Cope When Things Go Terribly Wrong last Monday. He was having his blog moved to a new service provider, and for a while it looked as if he had lost all the work he had put into it during the past four months. At first he was overwhelmed by his emotions, but then he took responsibility for the situation. Responsibility, of course, isn’t blame, it’s choosing a wise response. In his case he
- Sat with his feelings and sorted them out,
- Accepted the situation as it was instead of ranting that the mistake should never have happened,
- Prepared himself for the worst possible scenario, and
- Started taking action to retrieve his information and get things working again.
So far that’s fairly standard good stress-management strategy, with a great illustration to drive the points home. But Todd added one more thing: he forgave everyone involved, including himself. I agree, that’s an important part of the process. One of my strongest beliefs is that when we spend energy blaming other people, we’re throwing away our personal power. Mistakes happen, and they often hurt. And sometimes the situation doesn’t turn out as well as Todd’s did. But the quality of our lives depends on how we focus our energy and our attention. Forgiveness is simply realizing that life isn’t always perfect, and if we don’t let go of harsh judgments and blame, we’re wasting our precious time and energy. Life is too short not to move on.
What about you? Are there areas of your life where you’re wasting your energy and attention by holding grudges? How do you go about forgiving, letting go, getting on with your life? Please share your thoughts and experience in the comments section.
Photo by expressoDOM via Flickr. Used with permission. All rights reserved by owner.
Thanks to Bob and bikehikebabe for commenting on last week’s post.
My scientist husband & I have different brains & “ne’er the ‘twain shall meet”. In order to keep my cool I’m trying something new today. I’m not ME. I’m my guardian looking out for me. (outside of myself) I’ll see that I’m rational & not getting emotional. Also that my posture is good & I’m getting things done.
bikehikebabe,
Let us know how that goes. Good for you!
I forgot that I wasn’t ME (but my guardian) very soon.
We’ve been married 51 yrs. & I will never change him (to be more like me). So with an accepting attitude, we’re both happier. We have different viewpoints & I want to be the RIGHT one!
🙁 Turns out he’s right 95 % of the time.
🙂 [Actually I love him more for being so smart.
What a nice thot from Virginia Satir: life is what it’s supposed to be! If we could only live that way (and everyone else could, too). It is just the way it’s supposed to happen. Stress is just extreme living; and how to cope with it takes a lifetime to do.
bikehikebabe,
The great truth is, we can’t change other people. It’s their choice. It’s a lot easier to change ourselves, and that isn’t always easy, either! My philosophy is like yours, try to enjoy the differences.
doclind,
I like your description, “Stress is just extreme living….” And I agree, it’s on ongoing process to learn to deal with it. Thanks for coming by!
I have to say, I think sometimes letting go and taking the next step is the best solution, rather than blaming others.
chris,
Amen to that! I believe when we spend our time blaming other people we’re throwing away our personal power. Thanks for coming by.