What this world needs is for the strong people to become more loving and the loving people to become stronger.
–Piero FerrucciStay curious and open to life. No matter what happens keep learning and growing. Find what you love to do and find a way to share it with others.
—The Cheerful Monk
The joy of loving unconditionally is my favorite emotion, so this week’s lines from Bob Clubb’s St. Francis Project resonate with me:
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
The question is, “How can we learn to love more unconditionally?”
In a comment to The Power of Forgiveness Ellen put it well:
I truly believe I am (trying to be) a loving and compassionate person towards others. But somehow, more and more it seems that that is an impossible thing to do, if I can’t be that forgiving and loving towards myself.. And yes.. the secret is in ‘not having to be perfect’.
Two of the great truths in life are: We don’t have to be perfect to be lovable. And if we can’t give ourselves unconditional love, we won’t have any to give to others.
Notice the picture of Tiffany above. She has just graduated from her training as an assistance dog and will go on to be a companion and helper to a disabled person. She’s clearly a happy and wonderful dog who will make a big difference in someone’s life. Just as clearly, she has been loved and well cared for by other humans. That works great for children and for dogs, but as adult humans we’re responsible for giving ourselves the care we need. And we have to do that well if we want to help other people or animals.
It’s as we’re always told on airplanes, if the cabin pressure falls and the oxygen masks come down, put yours on first. Only then will you be able to help someone else with theirs. It’s also like Lake Lanier in Georgia. Millions of people in the Southeast depend upon its water. But because of the drought it is starting to run dry. It needs to be replenished if it’s going to continue being a good source.
So how do we keep our supply of love replenished? My primary methods are free-association journal writing, getting support from my own inner guide/supporter and doing volunteer work that feeds my soul. When events become more overwhelming I turn to friends and professionals for help. What do you do? This site is about sharing, so please tell us your thoughts and experience in the comments section.
Picture of Lake Lanier by Brian Hursey via Flickr. Creative Commons license.
Thanks to Shamelle, bikhikebabe, Larissa, Ellen, and Sterling for commenting on last week’s post.
Hurt people hurting people, that’s why it’s really necessary to replenish our love, so that we are able to give our love.
One way, learn to say NO!, saying NO! doesn’t mean that we don’t love that person, in fact intimacy starts with capability of saying NO! without any guilt.
When we are able to say NO!, we appreciate our limitation and others’ limitation, we make time for ourself to replenish our love, and we are able to give our love unconditionally when it’s needed.
My full article…
Let’s Say NO!
Hope it benefits you and your readers!
Thanks,
Robert
Robert, I’m enjoying your website, reason4smile. I only had time for your article & the U-Tube of kids playing to the really good music. Thanks!
Robert,
I agree Robert. Great article! Thanks.
Hi bikehikebabe,
Thanks for the comment! Glad you like the song, I like the song very much.
Jean, thanks for the comment too!
Keep on smilin’ =)
Robert
Hi Jean – in one of my earlier posts in my own blog, I actually wrote about using love itself to replenish one’s self. This is the mantra I tell myself to replenish myself:
“Only Love can create something from nothing.”
Also, I like the great excerpt for this week’s St Francis project. Very inspiring!
Hi Jean,
Thanks for this post again. Being aware of that I actually have to take the time to ‘replenish my source’ is really something I’m still working on.
Writing in my journal is definitely one of those ways, fully appreciating the moment, e.g. that precious time with my kids is another one. But something that can easily slip through your fingers, in the rush of things.. Mindfulness is really the trick, but something I need to remind myself of often.
I totally agree with Robert too (thanks for the great article, and indeed, also the music, I copied it on my blog!) that saying NO is such an important step. And one that should be possible in an intimate relationship.. Something the persons involved should grant each other, or even better desire from each other!
All so very true, and all uhmmm… let’s say ‘challenges’ ;-))
The best way I find to keep my source of happiness replenished is by doing things that feed my soul. This may be anything from drumming, to reading a good book, to being inspired, sharing my creativity with others, etc. I’m also trying to practice doing these things as a ritual before bed and in the morning.
Al, Ellen and Jonathon,
Thanks for joining the conversation. I’ve Stumbled your posts. Yours too, Robert. Thank you, too, bikehikebabe!
I like your affirmation, Al. One of my favorite ways of replenishing love is to recite a poem by Raymond Carver:
And did you find what you wanted in this life even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved.
To feel myself beloved on this earth.
Somehow that poem makes me feel so loved and supported that it can’t help but spill out to others.
Your article really set my mind a spinning. How do I replenish my source?
At one time I was confused about love, because I thought it was a feeling. I now understand that it is an action.
I came to the conclusion that the best way to replish love is to give it. The way to give love is through kindness, to everything and everyone.
So, the more I give, the more I get….simple!
Eduardo
Eduardo,
I’m glad that works for you, but I’ve also seen cases where people who do too much are treated poorly. I think it’s a bit more complicated than what you’re saying. Could you be more specific about what exactly you do to give love? And how much of your time and energy you spend on this? Thanks!
Showing kindness has become a habit for me. Give me an opportunity whether it be to open a door, smile at a homeless person or lend a hand to someone in need and I will try to show kindness.
This doesn’t mean that I let people take advantage of me. We are all aware of others who love to let us solve their problems and make their life easy on the backs of our kindness. I’m not about letting anyone take advantage of my kindness. If it’s tough love they need, then I’m willing to oblige.
I have discovered though, that when I go through a day being kind to everyone and everything, that I go to sleep at night feeling good about myself and my life. I’m not drained, I’m replenished.
I have a card I made for myself that says…..
“the amount of joy I experience is directly related to the amount of kindness I show”
I trust this will clarify a little what I’m trying to convey Jean!
Eduardo
Eduardo,
Thanks! We both operate the same way. I do think that sometimes we need to nurture ourselves, too. My guess is you’re also doing that.
Hi Jean – thank you for the stumble on my article!
This is a great thread. The point about giving but not being taken advantage of… that’s an important one.
My first rule is that I always prioritize what I give & share to those that count on me the most… my family, my closest friends, etc… Then, if what I give doesn’t conflict with that, I give freely to others.
I can’t be taken advantage of if I don’t expect anything in return. Sometimes I have to remind myself of that.
Al,
I agree about doing things freely and not expecting anything in return. When I wrote “I’ve also seen cases where people who do too much are treated poorly”, I was thinking of a work situation where some of us did a lot to recognize birthdays and organize group functions. It did wonders for group morale, and the group leader appreciated and encouraged it. Then the leadership changed and the new leader expected the volunteer efforts to continue and clearly felt superior to the people who were doing the work. The obvious thing to do was to bow out gracefully and volunteer in other areas. And to start looking for another job.
I’m a volunteer at heart, so I sometimes have trouble deciding how much of a sacrifice I’m willing to make for the causes I believe in. That’s why I keep focusing on “Find what you love to do and find a way to share it with others.” There are all sorts of ways to contribute to the world, so we might as well pick ways that feed our spirit as well as our conscience.
🙂 Thanks again for the conversation.