Have you ever felt like the dog in this picture…a bit overwhelmed?
If so, what did you do to climb out of the situation? What resources did you have? How did you access them?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately…I don’t feel overwhelmed right now, but I am nervous about the future. That doesn’t necessarily mean anything…the tendency to worry is part of my nature…but just in case my little boat starts sinking, I’m practicing my swimming. It never hurts to keep in shape.
So what am I doing to be proactive instead of feeling helpless? To use the swimming analogy I’m
- Learning to float,
- Keeping myself motivated to practice every day, and
- Developing my skills.
Learning to Float
Learning to float is the first skill we need in swimming. The equivalent in stress management is learning to calm our bodies and our minds so we can act effectively. There are all sorts of ways of doing this, and the one that works best for me is using my StressEraser. I’ve written about the device and about how to slip into the relaxation response in Experimenting with the StressEraser. Whenever I start feeling tense I use the device for a few minutes each day to keep me centered.
Keeping Motivated
The trick of learning any skill is to keep ourselves motivated to practice regularly. I learned to be a good swimmer because I loved playing in the water. I wasn’t working for some future goal, I was enjoying myself. I can’t say I always like being in stressful situations, but I can figure out how to enjoy part of the challenge. The easiest way for me to slip into that attitude is to remember past successes, especially the time my husband and I were both threatened with being downsized at the same time. It was both scary and one of the happiest times of my life, and it taught me some lifelong lessons. What I Learned From Being Downsized:
- Be optimistic and have a sense of humor,
- Always keep learning and growing,
- Be patient and bide your time when it’s appropriate,
- Generate new ideas and opportunities for yourself,
- Enjoy the adventure of life and have friends to share it with.
Developing Skills
In addition to remembering those lessons and lifting my spirits by thinking of that time, I also keep myself on track by integrating the Traits of Stress-Hardy, Resilient People into my life. They’re listed below, after this post. See also yesterday’s post at Transforming Stress,
When Life Is “For the Birds”. Having a sense of humor does help!
I use that list of traits often…there are enough of them so I don’t get bored, and in any given situation I can find at least one that hits home and gives me some constructive action to take. And that’s the secret of stress management, to stay constructive, to be participant in the adventure of life rather than feeling like a helpless victim.
Anyway, that’s what works for me. What about you? How are you learning to swim in life? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.
And thanks to bikehikebabe for the bird picture.
Traits of Stress-Hardy, Resilient People
1. They have a sense of meaning, direction, and purpose. They are value-centered rather than reactive and defensive. They understand that emotions are great sources of energy and motivation but are often poor guides for action. Instead these people use their values as guides.
2. They realize that the quality of our lives depends on how we focus our energy and our attention. They try to align their thoughts and actions with their values. They know how to motivate themselves to take action.
3. They don’t judge themselves or others harshly when things go wrong. They focus on what they want, not on what they don’t want.
4. They are able to tolerate ambiguity, uncertainty, and imperfection. They have a long-range perspective, so they give themselves and others room to grow. They can afford to be resilient, flexible, and creative because they are centered in their values.
5. They are reasonably optimistic and have a sense of humor. Even though they are dedicated to doing things well, they don’t take themselves too seriously.
6. They take responsibility for their mental programming, their emotions, and their actions. If they have ineffective ways of thinking and behaving, they evaluate them and make appropriate changes.
7. They look at adversity as a challenge rather than as a threat. They realize that no matter how the present situation turns out, they will learn and grow from it.
8. They respect themselves and other people. They have a spirit of cooperation, looking for win-win solutions rather than trying to win over other people or ignoring their own wants and needs because of fear.
9. They are grateful for the good things in their lives.
10. They know how to mourn the inevitable losses in life. They know how to let go of things they have no control over.
I enjoyed the description of the dog and about learning to swim. Also, thanks for sharing the list of 10 traits of stress-hardy and resilient people. It’s a very good reminder for all who are facing difficulties being positive.
Evelyn
in the last few years a number of quite exciting changes occurred for me which have lead to an almost totally different way of life. Last year I had a few moments when I would wonder “what on earth I was doing this for…..” {because I’m in my late 50s }
One of the areas that had been quietly not-in-the-way but doable was a disability I have lived with all my life but when I went to University that got out in the forefront to a point where now “it’s very visible….and I have to explain to people about it….” it’s a hand tremor. I can touch type from the past but still my tremor messes with the keyboard or is it the keyboard messes with me! I can’t write well so the University supplies me with notetakers and reader/writer.
I have had to learn to ‘swim’ otherwise it would have ‘sunk’ me quite quickly, this particular disability!
Over the years others have in my life have just thought that it was because I had other health issues and it part and parcel and I just left it at that unless….they made some comment!
I just take each week at a time, my goal is to at least attempt all that is thrown at me in the various courses and of late to get a pass mark even if it’s ‘just a C-‘ I have managed many Bs and a couple of A- but in a recent exam in one of the sections that was an essay I managed to get 40/40 = A+ I am still feeling great…obviously my swimming and floating has paid off.
must stop rabbiting on and get on with some household chores and later work out what Rudyard Kipling was writing about in The Ballad of East and West…..
Evelyn,
Glad you liked the 10 traits. I find them invaluable when I start to feel stressed. Please let me know which ones turn out to be the most useful to you.
Cathy,
Good for you! I like your attitude of trying to get at least a C-. You’re not letting grades get in the way of learning and going for what you want. And yet you can rejoice when you do get high marks. 🙂 Hearing about your courage has made my day.
I have slowly come to realize that my gratitude level is too close to zero. it is blogs such as yours that help restore what I have forgot. I love your presentation!
Great use of metaphor to get your 3 simple but effective points across.
I find that the best way to combat stress is to concentrate on the here and now… to appreciate the moment.. rather than think about the past which you can’t change or worry about the future which you can’t be 100% certain of.
I wrote a post about it not too long ago about… you may want to have a look =)
http://richgrad.com/enjoy-the-butterflies-dance/
Tim,
I’m glad my blog helps. For me the secret of happiness is to ask myself everyday:
(1) What’s good about my life?
(2) What needs to be done?
(3) How can I get this done and enjoy the process?
Step #1 helps us keep things in perspective.
Thank you for coming by. 🙂
Shun Jian,
I agree. When I start worrying about the future or rehashing things that happened in the past, I find it helpful either to sit down with pen and paper and write about what’s going on around me at that moment or to describe it aloud. Getting a camera and taking pictures also helps, as does sketching. Any of those activities is great practice for being in the moment. A few months ago I stayed up until 3 a.m. taking pictures of my stuffed bear. It sounds crazy, but it really was slipping into sacred space.
I did read your post Enjoy the Butterflies’ Dance. Thank you.
wow! and now i’m even more impressed by your going back and accomplishing your degree, cathy! good for you!
i said that on your own blog, but until reading here, didn’t know about the tremor. people who overcome any obstacles and still excel, always brings tears of pride to my eyes.
and monk…
i simply love your traits of stress hardy and resilient people!
i’ve seen them often in your blog because i go back and re-read them.
i want to be a shrp.
i aspire to be a shrp! i even like to say it. try it. it’s fun.
it rhymes with slurp.