A friend is someone who brings out the best in you.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.
—Mother Teresa
Two weeks ago in How Do You See Life?, we talked about the pitfalls of seeing the world as a dog-eat-dog place, where we constantly have to be in the top of our form to compete and survive. I never fell into that trap because I didn’t measure myself against other people, but until my early thirties I had excessively high standards for myself. I still remember the day my attitude changed. I was on my way to work, waiting for a shuttle from the parking lot, when it suddenly dawned on me… I was accepting and understanding about other people’s foibles, but was always critical of my own. How arrogant! How stupid! The fact is, I thrive on love and appreciation and was foolishly depriving myself.
So as soon as I got to work I went into the bathroom, looked myself in the mirror and promised myself that no matter what happened, I would be there for myself. I would be a supportive friend rather than a critic. I’ve kept that promise ever since. I’m much more like the duck above, admiring himself in the mirror than I am the hostile dog. Sounds a bit silly? Maybe, maybe not. It is lighthearted. “Yea, Jean!” is my favorite saying when I’m facing challenges. As I’ve said, that’s the attitude that energizes and inspires me. It brings out the best in me. It seems to me it would be more silly not to do it.
What About You?
How serious or lighthearted is your view of life? How do you bring out the best in yourself?
For a long time, I held the small workplace annoyances and corporate nonsense at bay by consciously taking charge of my own attitude. However, over time, it became more and more difficult to do so. Looking back, I don’t think I did a good enough job at shoring up my own attitude. It should have been a long-term and continuous endeavor.
Today, I AM in charge of my own attitude, but there is a whole lot less working to grind it down, so it’s lot easier.
Mike Goads last blog post..Rocks, Rocks, Rocks
Mike,
I agree…it can take real commitment sometimes. I once spent three years plotting my escape from a crazy situation. I didn’t leave until I had something better lined up, and I took advantage of the existing job to develop new skills. It kept me from feeling helpless. I wasn’t about to give anyone the satisfaction of grinding me down. I do have a bit of a stubborn streak. 🙂
I am simply and incurably, flippant and irreverent. It is a family trait! I just cannot be serious for too long!
I’ve had that same realization also in my thirties — to treat myself like I would treat my best friend. I tell my daughter that now when she gets mad at herself for “being stupid.”
I started out as a very serious boy. I’m over it. On the rare occasions I do get mad, I might actually laugh about it now. Like how those round waffles roll off the counter when they pop out of the toaster. I love it, especially when the garbage is right next to that part of the counter.
By not holding on to things I can’t control – which is pretty much everything! I have an experience, enjoy it or learn from it, and move on. That’s the best way for me to stay lighthearted and compassionate – to myself and others.
rummuser,
I can’t be serious for very long either. 🙂
Square Peg Guy,
I was very serious for a few years in my preteens and early teens…I finally had sense enough to lighten up. I’m glad you’re passing that on to your daughter. When my daughter would put herself down when she was in Girl Scouts I would tell her, “Girl Scouts treat everyone with respect, including themselves.” It worked because it wasn’t coming just from her mother, who had to love and support her no matter what.
Stacey,
Ah, yes. Letting go is the hard one. 🙂