Conrad over at Levered Intelligence has two recent posts (The Hand Position Is Everything and You Call This a Conversation???) about people who try to dominate an interaction instead of having a real conversation with others. I used to get suckered into arguing with people like that until I wondered why I was rising to the bait. It helped a lot to remember an anecdote from Hugh Prather’s Notes on How to Live in the World and Still be Happy. Prather tells of how he and his wife were worried that their son wasn’t eating enough when he was little. So after each nursery school class they would ask him what he had for a snack. The son, of course, couldn’t remember because he wasn’t interested in food. Then one day the son said, “Noodles.” His parents seemed happy with his answer so from then on when they asked the question he would answer, “Noodles.” They finally got the picture and left him alone.
So whenever I found myself rising to the bait I would try to think “noodles” and politely change the subject or graciously move away. If a young child could do it, so could I.
Now-a-days I’m apt to say “Whatever….” It has the advantage that I can shrug and say it out loud so the other person gets the picture. But I often also inwardly nod and smile and think “Noodles.” Life doesn’t always have to be complicated.
What About You?
How do you handle people who like to argue and/or play ego games?
I try to find agreement. And/Or I try to give the data and reasoning for my position. If they are not interested then I move on.
Evans last blog post..Belief, Certainty and Agreement
I say “I do not know”. No matter how much I am provoked to join in, I stick with that statement. Nobody who knows me believes me, but, for that moment, that is the stand that I take.
It works.
rummusers last blog post..Indian God’s Miracle And British Sangfroid.
Evan,
I agree, the best we can do is have a learning conversation, listening to where the other person is coming from and letting them know how we see things. If they’re not interested in that then move on.
Rummuser,
Yep, no sense in rising to the bait. 🙂 (I’m assuming this is a case where the other person wants to argue.)
If the guy is obnoxious you can say, “WHATEVER” & walk away. That’s a put-down. But if he’s a nice guy with a strong opinion, you can say, “That’s interesting. But I don’t see it that way.” You’ve got a debate, unless emotions enter. Then you’ve got an argument.
bikehikebabe,
I’m more interested in learning conversations than in debating. I’m not convinced that saying “Whatever….” has to be a put-down. It can mean I’m just not interested in the subject. The body language is crucial.
Gosh I’m way behind in my reading. Anyway, I referenced this post in my latest post, which I explain that “Blah Blah” is my “Noodles”:
http://square–peg.blogspot.com/2009/03/blah-blah.html
If you don’t read Square Peg Guy’s Blah,Blah post–above, YOU ARE MISSIN’ OUT.
Square Reg Guy,
Thanks for the link and for the great post. 😉