Do you ever have trouble saying no to people? I used to, before I adopted this fellow as a role model.
A friend of mine said her 18-month-old was practicing saying no in his crib one morning. He was having a grand time, entranced by the word and by the sound of his own voice. I could learn from that!
His mother wasn’t quite so delighted. She worried about what it would be like when her sweet baby turned into a two-year-old. 😉
An Important Exception
The one person I still have trouble saying no to is my husband. I appreciate all he does for me and want him to be happy. Mostly there’s no problem, but we recently made a 2500-mile driving trip to Montana and back. It was more than worth the trouble…it was for a memorial for my husband’s younger sister who died about a year ago…but sitting in a car is hard for me. I managed to keep my spirits up and was inwardly celebrating last Monday. The next day we only had to drive for about 4 hours and then we would be back home, and not have to go on another long trip for at least a year.
Then my husband started talking about going on a LONG trip…all the way to the East Coast to do some sightseeing. He refuses to fly because of the regimentation, so I didn’t get much sleep that night, trying to figure out how I could survive and keep my spirits up and be a good companion rather than a wet blanket. 😕 I’m not saying no, but I am spending time exploring possibilities. There’s no sense in doing it if I exceed my limits, so I’m seriously considering the matter and looking for creative solutions.
Is it really that hard to just say no? Well, yes. If you really care about someone it can be.
good example….and I can’t help but feel there is an answer….why, if the long trip is so arduous for you, could HE not think that for YOU, he could fly for once?
Years ago I had trouble saying NO! I was available for everyone, then I realised that half the time I was being used. Now I am becoming more selfish with my time, if the need is genuine I will jump through hoops (metaphorically) to help. My big problem now is learning to ask for help, not easy for an independent Annie like me.
No, no, no, no–Just practicing! How can any man say no to his wife! No,no, no, no,—-
Jody,
It’s a bit more complicated than that because we tend to bring along a lot of gear, some for his photography and a lot to cope with some of my ailments. I’m doing the homework, but we’re considering this together. I think we’ll try taking the train to Chicago when we visit my daughter and son-in-law next year. If all goes well it’s only a 24-hour trip (approximately). That will let us know how feasible train travel is. I enjoy problem-solving and haven’t completely ruled out planes.
Grannynar,
I used to have that problem too. I agree, we have to tune into how serious the need is and whether someone else could do the job better. I do some volunteer work each week using my interests and talents, so it’s easier to set boundaries now.
About asking for help from others…I’m getting better about that. I do it all the time at the gym when people have overly-tightened the setting on a weight machine and I can’t adjust it. I just ask the nearest free guy or gal to get it started for me. I only do it when they’re clearly free. Mostly they’re happy to help.
Maynard,
I love it!
This is a test.
.-= Jean´s last blog ..Blogging vs. TV =-.
It looks as if you have to click on the box “CommentLuv Enabled” to get your latest post listed.
CommentLuv seems to search for your latest post and finds it before you submit your comment.
.-= Jean´s last blog ..Blogging vs. TV =-.
If you have the time could you make it lots of short trips – or would that be worse?
.-= Evan´s last blog ..The Three Tasks of Ageing Well =-.
Is it really that hard to just say no? – Yes it is.
Well, yes. If you really care about someone it can be. – All the more reason that you should try hard to say no.
.-= Rummuser´s last blog ..A Poignant Blog Piece. =-.
So funny to be reading this today! We’re up at the lake, this to me is chill time. I love sitting and reading, writing in my various notebooks on different things – I’m not here to do much else. My husband wants to go golfing (he should GO) and bike riding, and kayaking and stuff……physical meets cerebral. We are often at odds but only because he wants us to “be together” all the time. Like go do your thing already! Anyway, TMI I’m sure – but I know where you are coming from!
.-= suzen´s last blog ..Life Without Labels =-.
Jean & Suzen, This last comment roused me to comment again. I was part of a ‘Do it Together’ couple for twenty years, that was the right way for us. Now eleven years down the line of lonely widowhood, I am glad I did.
.-= Grannymar´s last blog ..The Little Mermaid =-.
Evan,
We did do that on this last trip. We used to go to Montana in two long days. This time we took almost three days, and it helped a lot. Part of the trouble is we were traveling in the hottest part of the year…it was 96 degrees in Ogden when we were there…so it was hard to take walks to get some exercise. That won’t usually be the case.
I lead a fairly healthy lifestyle when I’m at home…it’s harder to do that when traveling, but the important thing is to analyze what’s going on and be creative in working in some healthy habits.
Rummuser,
In this case the important thing is to see if we can find a creative solution to give us both what we want. Right now we’ve decided we won’t do the super-long trip next year. Unless things change drastically we’ll probably just take the train to Chicago and back next year (to see our daughter and son-in-law) and see how that works. And there’s no predicting what we and life will be like two years from now. Things are always changing.
suzen,
In fact I love hearing details like that. Thank you!
Grannymar,
My husband and I make a good team. We have a lot of individual interests but also do things together. The part of traveling I like best is doing it with him. He’s five years older than I am, so the possibility of my being a widow can’t be ignored. Either way time goes so fast we don’t have much of it left together. This way even if we never go on the trip we’ve had the fun of discussing it and playing with ideas together.
.-= Jean´s last blog ..Blogging vs. TV =-.
I have found that compromise is everything. One of my uncles wanted to make a trip abroad one time but his wife didn’t want to go as she hates flying. It turned out she was perfectly happy if he went with someone else. So he took along my mother (his sister!). It worked out well in the end and everyone was pleased.
.-= gaelikaa´s last blog ..The Reluctant Memsahib =-.
gaelikaa,
I agree. The important thing is to respect each person’s wants and needs and see if we can find a win-win solution. It sounds as if your uncle, his wife and your mother found a good one.
Your post Arranged Marriage Anyone? is a great example of how hard it can be to say no. I’m glad the story had a happy ending.
Thank you for reading that. Now the important point here is that Yash was under severe pressure to say yes, but no matter how difficult, he still did what he wanted to do. Yes, it was painful, but see, in the end he was glad he did and the situation worked out well for everyone.
.-= gaelikaa´s last blog ..The Reluctant Memsahib =-.
Maynard, I’m practicing too. NO!!!-NO!!!-NO!!!
However I used to feel guilty saying that.