A recent post at Hattie’s Web quotes Anne Lamott:
But grace can be the experience of a second wind, when even though what you want is clarity and resolution, what you get is stamina and poignancy and the strength to hang on.
That doesn’t resonate with me because I try to be comfortable with ambiguity and uncertainty. That’s why Item 4 in the Traits of Stress-Hardy, Resilient People is
They are able to tolerate ambiguity, uncertainty, and imperfection. They have a long-range perspective, so they give themselves and others room to grow. They can afford to be resilient, flexible, and creative because they are centered in their values.
I do think the concept of grace is useful, and I like Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s discussion of it:
Vague as this definition may be, I believe most people are aware of periods in their lives when they seem to be “in grace” and other periods when they feel “out of grace,” even though they may use different words to describe these states. In the first happy condition, one seems to carry all one’s tasks before one lightly, as if borne along on a great tide, and in the opposite state one can hardly tie a shoe-string. It is true that a large part of life consists in learning a technique of tying the shoe-string, whether one is in grace or not. But there are techniques of living too, there are even techniques in the search for grace.
What works for me is to get centered, be patient, and remember my motto:
Stay curious and open to life. No matter what happens keep learning and growing. Find what you love to do and find a way to share it with others.
What works for you?
I agree that Grace is not fixed or stationary—it changes with your perception, and sometimes it is affected by something as simple as how your day is going. There have been periods in my life when I have felt ‘full of Grace’, and other times when it was a struggle to feel anything positive at all. It’s such an abstract condition.
For me it’s not abstract, it’s visceral. I had a chance to practice today — when something came up and I started to feel scattered, slightly overwhelmed, I automatic started breathing deeply and getting centered, then broke the problem down into small constructive steps. I had to devote a couple of hours to tackle the problem, but it worked out fine. I didn’t waste emotional energy on it and ended up feeling empowered.
I think that in another context we discussed being in the zone / flow. This grace word, I suspect simply replaces zone or flow. Grace is used more by the religious as being divinely inspired.
In retrospect, I think that things simply happened and I didn’t stop to analyse.
I have stopped searching in the dark as I had already found the things in life that truly made me happy. Whether it was raising a family, nurturing a successful career or pursuing a greater challenge like caregiving, I knew what I had to do, and by and large, achieved what I had set out to. Now in retirement, there are no more mountains to climb and nothing to prove to anyone or even to myself. I have even written my obit which I hope Ranjan will publish in the local news papers.
Andy and I have both decided we don’t want obituaries published. Kaitlin and I will have a few phone numbers to contact for Andy, and he and Kaitlin will have some email addresses for me and instructions for her on how to post one last time on my blog if I still have it. Andy said I didn’t have to do that, he would just go down to our attorney and tell her to figure out how to do it. Say what? He said she could contact some teenager to figure out how to do it. Uh, I think I’ll stick with giving the details to Kaitlin. 🙂 It’s not that hard if it’s written down.
You say, “I have stopped searching in the dark as I had already found the things in life that truly made me happy.” Grace/flow/the zone isn’t about searching in the dark or having anything to prove, it’s about handling the little curve balls life throws at us from time to time.
In 2011 you wrote,
Are things going so well now that you no longer need to practice? What’s the fun in that?
PS You “also wrote
So now distractions have given up on you and you no longer have the fun of practicing? 😉
“Grace is used more by the religious as being divinely inspired.” That’s the way Lamott uses it. Lindbergh uses it more in the flow sense. So what keeps you from dealing with automated phone systems gracefully?
From your post Telephone:
My hobby, of course, is to learn to do that whenever I am interrupted by something I need to spend some time on. I had a chance to practice just today and it worked. As I commented on your post, my speakerphone is invaluable. After I went through all the menus I was put on hold for about ten minutes.
What works for me?
Well, what I’ve been doing isn’t working for me.
I’m tired of tying these damn shoelaces.
They seem to always come loose anyway,
causing me to trip and stumble.
I’ve finally come to the realization that I need to
forget the laces and go for slip-ons or…
Maybe better yet, go barefoot.
and yes, Kaitlin would know what to do…
Not some teenager that your attorney employs.
But I don’t want to think about that.
It will make me cry.
xoxoxoxo
Monk, Please see the dates on those comments. I have said, I have “stopped” searching. That implies that there was a time when I was searching. Does it not? A lot of water has flown down the Mulamutha, the river that runs just 200 mts from my home. After my father died, my life has taken a completely new turn and I am more sanguine now.
What makes me use the automated phone system less gracefully is just the need to attend to more pleasurable things that I always seem to have to do.
I do more fine tuning than you. My speaker phone lets me gracefully deal with being put on hold, because I can still do fun things while waiting. And treating all the menus/buttons to push as a chance for heightened awareness, spiritual practice is different from the usual concept of being in the zone. Like meditation, it’s not about doing it perfectly, it’s about welcoming the chance to practice.