The best way to deal with negative emotions is to let yourself feel the emotions you’re feeling and let them pass, not push them under the rug.
—It’s Okay to Not Be Okay
Andy and I don’t do anything special for Thanksgiving. So yesterday he went up to the land as usual, and I had a pleasant hygge day here. It had snowed a bit Wednesday night and the temperatures were a few degrees below and above freezing. A good day for relaxed exploring and pondering.
I came across the Harvard Review article quoted above, It’s Okay to Not Be Okay. The author, Vasundhara Sawhney, talked about when her folks tested positive with Covid,
My mother seemed undisturbed as she explained the situation. I sensed that, rather than talking to me about her feelings, she was trying to console me. We live 400 miles away from each other. The lockdown was still in place and I couldn’t have reached them if I tried. She hung up, saying, “It will all be well. Don’t worry.”
Yeah, sure. Sawhney did worry and tried to frantically reach out to relatives near her folks and to friends. All except one negated her feelings and said it would all work out, don’t worry. The one friend said,
It’s okay to feel this way right now. It’s your parents.
That’s what she needed to hear, so the rest of the article is about the harm of toxic positivity, urging people to ignore negative feelings instead of accepting them and eventually letting them pass.
That’s what Fromm was saying in the second part of his quote,
Happiness does not exclude sadness – if a person responds to life, he’s sometimes happy and sometimes sad. What matters is he responds.
Then I remembered a weekend years ago. Andy kept asking me if I were all right. I kept saying yes, I’m fine. Finally he said,
Are you sure you’re all right?
I asked him why he kept asking,
Because you’ve been crying all weekend.
Oh, that. It cracked me up that I had been so clueless… I answered,
I watched the Grapes of Wrath Friday night. That’s a sad movie!
Feeling deeply was a perfectly healthy response. And it was sweet of him to ask.
…….
Kaitlin phoned in the early evening and we all had a nice chat. That in itself would have been enough to make it a red letter day. I hope you all had a great day too!
November 25, 2022
ok, I’ve just checked the date for thanksgiving – sounds like you had a great day on the land and the phone call with Kaitlin
And I seem to be all caught up on your posts – I’ve been quite busy with events this week, but still I’ve no idea how I’ve got behind with blogs…
It’s okay to be not okay – as long as it doesn’t stay a permanent fixture IMHO
Well said!
I have never heard the word hygge before. I like it. Thanks for providing the link with it.
I totally agree about feeling the negative emotions. Bottling them up only leads to an eventual big explosion. You just have to let them out there and be done with them.
Yes, and hopefully not take them out on other people.
Bottling emotions that put a strain on your mind will eventually surface and explode…talk, wash them out, before damage or bad words are spoken.
Yes. 🙂
I love this! Indeed, a good cry is the mark of a really GOOD movie (or book).
I agree, but I have never watched Bambi, and I would never watch The Grapes of Wrath or The Yearling again. I know myself too well. 🙂
I had to look up the h y z g e word also! I too like a cozy day at home which is what I do almost every day. As I speak I am laying in bed with a heating pad on my hip feeling cozy and aggravated so I’m using my phone to leave a few words to make sure everybody knows I’m aggravated haha. Signing off as not cozy today but home so glad you had a good h y g g e day
I’m sorry you are in pain. I hope it gets better soon. 🙁
I TOTALLY sgree with this! It reminds me of that book that was so famous in the 60’s. “I’m O.K., You’re O.K.”, remember it?
Yes. I loved it. 🙂