If You’re Working Too Hard, You’re Doing It Wrong!

The following was posted last Wednesday as part of Bob’s Desiderata project. I encourage you to check out the whole series.

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
—Max Ehrmann

If you’re working too hard, you’re doing it wrong! Swimming is a lazy sport.
—A great teacher of swimming…and of life

I can’t remember her name, but I will never forget her. It was my second quarter of swimming at college. At that time we all had to take two quarters of Physical Education, and the first quarter almost turned me against swimming for life. The teacher was looking for perfection and was critical of everything we did. But I had always loved being in the water, thrashing around and calling it swimming. I could be turning blue with cold when I was a kid and would steadfastly deny it. I didn’t get much chance to swim and I was going to make the most of it.

So I signed up for another quarter and hoped for the best. And I got it. This teacher’s aim was to teach us to trust the water. She taught us to float…not in the usual way, lying on our backs…but by walking across the deep end of the pool, our heads safely out of the water. She showed us that if we made gentle arm and leg motions, we could easily reach the other side of the pool. The water, indeed, did hold us up. I can’t remember what we did the rest of the quarter…I do know it was fun and there was no worry about doing the crawl correctly. We could swim anyway that worked for us. The main thing was to enjoy the process. Since then I’ve swum thousands of miles, using my own unique stroke…with my head out of the water and my glasses on.

I’ve been thinking of that a lot the past few weeks. Some self-development blogs have been discussing what a struggle it is to change ourselves. My instinctive reaction is, “If you’re working too hard, you’re doing it wrong!” The first rule of behavior modification is to love and accept yourself the way you are. That doesn’t mean there aren’t things you’d like to change, but if you’re fighting yourself it’s just like swimming. Fighting the water is counterproductive. You’re wasting your energy. Stop thrashing around. Be gentle.

I believe that’s what Max Erhmann was saying when he wrote, “You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.” And like all creatures, you’re always changing. Don’t criticize the bud because it’s still unfolding and not yet a flower. Trust the process. It’s all right to guide your own growth, but do it with love and respect. For me, at least, it’s a sacred process.

What about you? Are you gentle with yourself? Do you give yourself room to grow? Do you honor the process? This site is about sharing, so please tell us your thoughts in the comments section.