I’ve been reading a lot lately about how when we’re stuck in a rut, we have to get out of our “comfort zone”. That doesn’t describe what happens to me. When I’m “stuck in a rut” I’m not comfortable at all. Words like bored, restless, frustrated and depressed would be more accurate. I feel most fully alive when I have the right amount of challenge in my life. It might be scary, but it feels right as long as the new experiences are balanced by relaxation and feeding my soul.
I usually think in terms of the optimizing challenge graph:
This curve is useful when I choose my challenges…I try to pick something big enough to be exciting but not such a stretch that it’s overwhelming. But there’s also something to be said for the Yin-Yang concept of complementarity, illustrated in the first picture above. It explicitly honors the periods of rest and reflection that our fast-paced, achievement-oriented culture tends to regard as a waste of time.
It’s hard not to be swayed by this attitude at times and start to feel I should be “doing more”. That’s why I appreciated B. Wilde’s recent post about his Grandpa Dwayne:
Grandpa didn’t believe that his self-worth was tied to being an overachiever. When driving his truck he looked at his surroundings and enjoyed the ride. When he passed the waterfalls in the Uintah Mountains he always stopped to take a look. And when he set out to accomplish a task, he liked to plan for trouble. But he never went about frantically trying to accomplish a list of self-imposed urgent tasks that, when completed, measured his value as a person. Fortunately, I learned this lesson from him before he passed away two years ago.
Thanks, Bryan, for reminding me to keep my priorities straight…to remember that life is about ebb and flow, not just the constant striving for more. So, I’ll continue to enjoy my quiet times and comfort zones, and not be thrown by our out-of-balance culture.
What about you? Is your life in balance? Do you appreciate your comfort zones as much as the excitement of challenge and achievement? Please share with us.
And thanks to bikehikebabe and rummuser for commenting on last week’s post.
Simply beautiful. Something that I shall treasure.
rummusers last blog post..A New Fail-Proof Enterprise For Senior Citizens.
I got carried away with the post and did not answer your specific questions.
I think that by and large, my life is in balance. There is hardly any challenge and excitement of achievement of the type that used to get my adrenalin up some years ago, but yes, on the occasion that there is some, I am able to appreciate both.
rummusers last blog post..A New Fail-Proof Enterprise For Senior Citizens.
Loved your “Fail-Proof Enterprise” that I clicked on above. You write English better than I do & you’re an Indian (India). Thanks for the info. about travel there.
My mother only gave me 3 pieces of advice. “Live within your means.” “Plant what grows well in your locale.” “Life is not a race.” And it was then with the 4 kids at home, plus lots more. Now I feel frustrated at times because I’m living in my comfort zone & not getting my work done. I’m best with a balance of both.
My life is pretty much in balance. However, I don’t consider myself to be “stuck in a rut” as I have plenty of things to do that interest me. I’m also having some fun — and I’m learning, too — as I, on occasion, write about things that are outside of my comfort zone.
rummuser,
Thanks. 🙂
From time to time I jump into something I don’t understand, for instance learning enough HTML, CSS and WordPress to revise my site. Then I rest for a while and let the new knowledge digest until it’s time to try a new challenge. The Yin-Yang symbol is a good description of the process.
bikhikebabe,
We wouldn’t be in the current financial crisis if everyone took your mother’s advice about living within your means. Andy and I always have, so it’s annoying/funny when I hear commentators saying that we’re all at fault because we all live on borrowed money. Say what?? Some people can’t even understand the concept of saving money until you can afford something. They’re not aware of all the money you can save in a lifetime if you don’t pay all that interest.
Mike,
For me learning new things is important for my mental health. As I’ve written before, one of the things I’ve worked on is learning to be comfortable when I’m over my head. (See
http://cheerfulmonk.com/2008/09/08/making-hay-while-the-sun-shines/
http://stresstopower.com/blog/2008/09/21/what-i-learned-from-particle-accelerators/ )
Thanks for coming by. 🙂
hmmm…. particle accelerators — way too much theoretical physics for me. I’m more familiar with the working end of physics — like nuclear reactor operations.
Mike Goads last blog post..Photographic Serendipity
Mike,
Our division mostly designed accelerators and built pieces of them.
On the other hand my husband was on the operating end of the medium-energy machine across the street. He knows a lot more physics than I do…my talent was in applying the little bit I did know. He was a great resource.
Jean – you made my whole weekend! Thanks for including me in your post. My grandpa meant a lot to me and having you apply a life lesson that he taught me, into your own life touches me deeply. I am new to your site but loving your content and writing abilities. I look forward to reading more. Thanks again.
B. Wilde,
I’m glad you liked it. Thank you so much for the story. Our poor frazzled old world needs more examples like that.
Next challenge – learn HTML and CSS.
rummuser,
I’ll bet you’ll love it once you get started. It’s nice to have more control over our blogs. I find it’s a lot more pleasant to write my posts in HTML than to mess with a WYSIWYG (visual editor).
Great post and discuss, thanks Jean and all. Inspiring!
Ruts tend to slip into a day without much announcement and in unlikely places — so most people caught in them at the last to be aware of the state they slipped into. Would you agree?
Ellen Webers last blog post..Wonders and Woes of your Basal Ganglia
Hello,
Right now I’d my life is not balanced. I am working on that though. Major life transitions going on….
I love certain comfort zones definately! I think it helps with the rhythem of life.
I like the way you described “stuck in a rut.” Kind of like not enough new exploration going on to inspire and create in your life. Knowing something needs to hapen to move you along. Or ya just have to go seek it out.
Ellen,
It seems to me most people don’t want to examine their lives. Who am I to say that’s not a good thing for them? It’s just not my style. Who’s to say that’s not a good thing for me? And I certainly don’t spend most of my time examining my habitual patterns. If they’re working for me, that’s great. I trust myself to know when I need to stand back and make changes. One thing I’ve learned to do is to be more or less comfortable making those changes.
I suppose my question is, what exactly do you mean by a rut? What’s the difference between a rut and a life-supporting ritual?
Thanks for joining the conversation.
Diane,
I agree, when major life transitions are occurring we’re not always going to be balanced. The main thing is we know what balance is like so we can gently steer ourselves back to it. And when those transitions are occurring, bless those comfort zones!
I’ve just listened to a history of World War II. One of the best ways of losing big time is for an army to get ahead of its supply lines. I try to be aware of the parts of my life that nurture me (a.k.a. comfort zones) and keep connected to them.
What’s the difference between a rut and a life-supporting ritual?
A rut is something you don’t like & want to get out of.
Life-supporting rituals feel good.
bikehikebabe,
I agree, but it sounds as if Ellen has something else in mind.
Jean,
Bless those comfort zones… ditto!
Leading an examined life is part of every moment I think for me! Its part of my beingness! Reflecting and such!
I like the way bikehikebabe desribed it…How about the old scripts not working its needs some jiggling?
Diane,
I agree with you both (you and bikehikebabe). It seems to me it’s not a rut unless it’s not working for you. It may take a while to figure out just what isn’t working, of course. And if you’re not familiar with personal change it may take some work to make the change even then.
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I’ve recently been reading the site for several weeks (stumbled on it) and it’s wonderful! many thanks for keeping it up to date with fresh meat!