Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
—Lao-tzu
If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it.
—Thich Nhat Hanh
Last week’s post, What I Learned From Losing Loved Ones, was a heavy piece, and my husband’s brother has recently been diagnosed with cancer. He’s dealing with chemotherapy as well as the after effects of an invasive (5 hours in surgery) biopsy. I can’t do much for him and his family except to let them know that they’re in our thoughts and prayers, but I can work on my own equanimity and courage.
As I mentioned last week, the thing that works best for me is connecting with other people, with life as a whole. And this doesn’t have to be anything big. It can be as simple as sharing pictures and/or being understanding when dealing with insurance matters.
Goddard Is Back!
Goddard, the dog in the photos, is the first thing that comes to mind. Tom, one of our local Animal Control officers, sent an e-mail to the volunteers in Friends of the Shelter. It was entitled Goddard is back! He reminded us that Goddard often has issues with other dogs, so be careful when we take him out. Goddard was adopted last year and was doing fine in his new home, but he’s a victim of the housing bubble…his owners had to give up their home and move into an apartment.
After Tom sent the e-mail, he received a slew of responses saying how affectionate Goddard is and how much the volunteers love working with him. So I found these three pictures I took last year and shared them. It was a simple gesture, but looking at the photos again warmed my heart, and the father of the girls in the pictures hadn’t seen them before. He wanted to add them to his collection. Of course.
Dealing With Insurance
Keeping track of health insurance matters is often a bit of a challenge, because it can take months for the paperwork to come back, and it’s often incorrect. Even the representatives don’t always understand the system. Sometimes a phone call will clear up the matter, sometimes it won’t. I had a case this past week where the representative said absolute hogwash. There was no way his story made sense. And that was all right.
I’ve finally learned to be patient and to remember my interaction with a fellow human being is more important than straightening things out in one phone call. One question that helps is “How can I connect with sacredness in this moment?” I cheerfully admit, it’s an off-beat approach, but it works for me. So in cases like this I thank the person for his time, then I make another phone call later to get more information. I keep trying until I find someone who understands what has happened and how things should work.
It took me a long time to view dealing with red tape as an opportunity to make this world a slightly more loving place. And doing my small part, no matter how modest, to do just that is the best way for me to handle stress and mourning.
What About You?
What are your greatest sources of stress? What are your greatest resources? What works for you?
The best part of my life is connecting with family & friends, strangers too.
My greatest stress was when I expected people to do what I wanted. Of course that didn’t work.
My greatest resource is these same people after I didn’t expect anything from them & accepted them.
bikehikebabe,
🙂 Well put!
My greatest source of stress is feeling overwhelmed. I have a lot to do. My to-do list is long. At the same time, I know that I can do more to assist others through the work that I do. So I am unwilling to cut down. Yet, funnily enough, I have all the resources to reduce the stress through the healing modalities that I use to assist others. I should apply them more on myself!
Evelyn Lims last blog post..Should The Poor Mexican Fisherman Give Up Contentment For Cash?
Evelyn,
That’s why I teach stress management, so I’m forced to practice what I preach. Could you share the techniques you yourself use?
Jean, I am naturally blessed. Hardly ever under stress. My natural blood pressure is also low! For the world of it, I can not remember the last time that I was angry. I do recall that it was road rage, but quite when is something that escapes me. Certainly more than three years though.
Since my natural state is easy going, I do not use any technique! I guess that I am just lucky.
rummusers last blog post..Declare Emergency In India – II
rummuser,
Was that true even when you were working? I had the impression that when you and your wife were younger you went through some stressful periods. Did you need any special techniques then? I do know that you have a great sense of humor and laugh a lot. Do you think that helps?
🙂 Anyway, good for you!
PS I hope it’s all right if I include your picture here. I corroborates what you’ve written!
Please feel free to.
Yes we went through some hard knocks but, we came out of them quite successfully. I think that I had mentioned it earlier, we are both meditators. I suppose that helped though at the worst periods, it was difficult to ever meditate. Another thing that helped was that both of us asked for and got expert help.
During my working life, I was surprisingly enough not under stress at all. I always felt that people who showed stress were hamming. There really was no need. May be, my employers were benign or the times were different. I don’t however remember being stressed ever. Annoyed, disappointed, angry, sad etc yes, but stressed? I must say no.
rummusers last blog post..Is This Good Journalism?
rummuser,
Thanks! What exactly do you mean by the word “stress”? What were you observing in people when they said they were stressed and you thought they were hamming?
I suppose for me stress is when I’m being tossed around by my emotions, whether fear, anger, mourning, etc. It’s not that those emotions are “bad”, it’s just that when they occur I need to consciously choose my response to what triggered them.
I would define stress as that condition where I feel overwhelmed by events or circumstances and become tense and anxious with my inability to handle that situation. In retrospect, I have had occasions like this, but for very brief periods but I was able to snap out of it by being practical and taking help.
rummusers last blog post..Indophiles.
Hi Jean,
My biggest problem is my over thinking brain! I get a million ideas and I want to do something with each of them. It is havoc in my brain.It is worse since I quit my job since I feel that there are no limits to what I can do 😉
I try to externalize. I try to calm down by talking about things. I try to be aware of when my brain starts to over work itself 🙂
rummuser,
For me stress can be much smaller than that. For me the details in life is where I try to live my values. The first two stress-hardiness traits don’t refer to situations where I feel overwhelmed:
1. They have a sense of meaning, direction, and purpose. They are value-centered rather than reactive and defensive. They understand that emotions are great sources of energy and motivation but are often poor guides for action. Instead these people use their values as guides.
2. They realize that the quality of our lives depends on how we focus our energy and our attention. They try to align their thoughts and actions with their values. They know how to motivate themselves to take action.
For me the little stressors in life are a great chance to practice my spirituality.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. That’s what this site is about. 🙂
Maya,
I just put all of my ideas on my Possibility List. I don’t feel obligated to do any of them. When the time is right I’ll one. As the saying goes, what we leave out of a work of art is as important as what we put in it. 🙂
See Are You Spending Enough Time “Doing Nothing?” : http://cheerfulmonk.com/2007/12/10/are-you-spending-enough-time-doing-nothing/
rummuser,
🙂 Your comment about getting angry reminds me of a joke: “I don’t have stress. I give stress to others.”
Have you ever known anyone like that?